Oh, I know the holidays are about “joy” and “giving” and blah blah blah. At the risk of sounding like a real Scrooge, I dread this time of year. Sure, I love dinners with friends, fires, and long, dark evenings of conversation. But I loathe the obligation to appear to have a perfect life. Thoughtfully chosen gifts, gourmet dinners, flawless outfits, relentless cheer — all are expected to be delivered with a big smile, despite a crammed schedule, scowling crowds, and “The Little Drummer Boy” blaring nonstop from every storefront.
What I really want to do is stay home all December and watch old movies, but friends won’t let me. Besides starchy food and martinis, I find comfort in tiny moments, like decorating my Christmas tree this afternoon with an imaginative six-year-old who insisted on hanging a light switch he’d found in the basement. I depend on that, and on perfume.
Here are some of the fragrance categories I seek during the holidays, along with my go-to perfumes. I hope you’ll comment with your favorites:
Comfort
Some fragrances soothe, either because they feel so much like “you,” or because they summon soothing memories, real or invented. The trick is to find a fragrance that comforts without putting you to sleep. There’s too much to accomplish this month to be stupefied by gourmand notes. Etat Libre d’Orange Like This has a homey feel with its pumpkin and immortelle, but it’s unpredictable enough to keep me interested. (Besides, I can imagine I'm as unflappable as Tilda Swinton.) I’ve also been loving the elegant, piney warmth of Rochas Audace, and for another sadly discontinued favorite, I’ll be using my last few drops of Jean Patou Moment Supreme Extrait this season. Its lavender revivifies, but the amber pacifies.
Memo Italian Leather is another perfume with an edge that keeps me alert — in this case, tomato leaf — and a thick, cozy vanilla and leather base to coat my nerve endings. Reminiscence Tonka is also super comforting with its scent that mimics pipe tobacco but feels like a puffy cashmere blanket. (Beware: this one is relaxing enough to put you to sleep, but it's perfect for nap time.) Molinard Habanita is a never-fail perfume for trying times, too, with its vanilla-tobacco-vetiver caress, although I can make myself sick of it if I wear it more than a few times in a row.
Fortitude
And then there are times when I simply need to power through. A good man’s fragrance can be helpful here, and Hermès Bel Ami is my top choice. I love it, and I appreciate its oily contrast with my girly appearance. Amouage Gold Man is another top contender for its Cary Grant sophistication. On the feminine side, Guerlain Shalimar gives me moxie. “Smell me roar,” it seems to say, while remaining queerly old-fashioned enough to put all those Angel clones to shame.
Faking it
Last but certainly not least, I present the fragrances that help me pretend when I’ve lost heart. Hermès 24, Faubourg says, “I’m sweet and happy and successful, and my husband is outside parking the Lexus.” Chanel Cuir de Russie says, “I don’t have a husband, and what of it? People confuse me with Marlene Dietrich constantly. I yawn.” Yves Saint Laurent Yvresse says, “I’m chicer than any of the rest of you, and my skin is better, too. Refill my glass, please.” Vero Profumo Onda doesn’t say a thing. She doesn't need to. You smell her and instantly know she’s more fascinating than anyone else in the room.
What about you? What perfume helps you make it through the holidays? And for those of you with a more upbeat view of the season, I’d love to hear from you, too!
Note: top image is Tis the Season [cropped] by Lauren Manning at flickr; some rights reserved.
I think of the winter holiday season as a time to bring out special or rare scents and heavier scents both because it is cooler and the festive atmosphere. Caron Nuit Noel and Aimez Moi and vintage Guerlain Vol de Nuit and L’Heure Bleu are all good for a sophisticated confectionery bump. The wonderful piney coolness of Shisheido Inoui or the contrasting warm cashmere hug of Bois de Iles both seem appropriate. There are two Armani Prive scents that I love to wear over the holidays: Bois d’Encens for its contemplative, but light atmosphere and Ambre Soie which smells to me of contentment.
For some reason, both L’Heure Bleue and Bois des Iles jumped out at me from your list as especially lovely holiday fragrances–I think because of the “confectionary” feel you note. The gingerbread feel of Bois des Iles would be pure comfort!
I love and hate the holidays. I love the decorations and the smell of christmas trees and the music (even Little Drummer Boy!) and the movies. Can’t wait to watch White Christmas this weekend! But I do hate all the pressure, which is even more so now that I have kids – the events, the homemade gifts and treats and magical memories you’re supposed to be making. All the while, with the perfect gifts and perfectly decorated house – ha! I can barely kep my house slightly clean! Luckily the girls are little and don’t know it’s the holidays yet so we have another year or two reprieve before we have all their events too!
As for perfume, I’ll put on some Nuit Etoilee for the piney-ness. We don’t have room for a tree, so I bought a small live pine decoration and huff it for my fix!
I know! The pressure to make everything magical! Ack!
Nuit Etoilee sounds wonderful for the holidays, though. I’d completely forgotten about that fragrance, but it’s practically like Christmas in a bottle!
It took quite a few years for my daughter to even understand Xmas, so for a few years my hubbie and I felt immediate relief that it was only as complicated as we wanted to make it. It could have been the Easter Bunny in the fireplace and she was thrilled. Now she is 7 and it’s a little different (very precise Disney princess toys, ugh!), but the worst magic killer ever is stress. I adore online shopping an my UPS man. I decided last year not to do whole house decorating – only the Xmas tree and stockings and just a few string lights outside. I got rid of most of my holiday decorations – it just happens too fast and is too much. Nothing is more of a buzz kill than stress, especially for kids. So, uh, does anyone out there have a Disney Mermaid Ariel doll they want to part with for a good swap, lol!!
I think you take the right approach: ratchet down the expectations, and enjoy what you do decide to do. Good luck with the Ariel doll! And, yes, let’s hear it for online shopping!
Angela, I couldn’t agree with you more.
I am single and live alone but usually during Christmas my oldest son who lives in LA comes back East for the Holidays. But this year he is not coming home. So it will be a “blue” Christmas without him. It looks like I will also be spending New Year’s Eve alone. At least I have my perfumes to comfort me.
My comfort perfume: Bois des Ilses (so calming to me)
My fortitude perfume: Rubj (makes me feel self-confident)
My faking it perfume: Amouage Lyric Woman (makes me feel rich when nothing could be farther from the truth)
Perfume in general: makes me happy
I adore all your perfume choices! Even reading their names is calming.
Sometimes I think spending a holiday alone doing all the things you love doing is better than being the “extra” invited to someone else’s celebration. On Christmas morning, I’ll dab on some Bois des Iles and think of you–wherever you are–and we can celebrate the day in perfumed sisterhood.
Thank you Angela and Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you, too!
Great way to spend a holiday, Angela.
I’m actually kind of booked up on Christmas, but those moment I get to myself I’ll really, really cherish!
Cozy blanket/successful lady scents:
Ambre de Merveilles
Encens Mythique D’Orient (a cashmere blanket, no less)
Bois de Paradis (successful lady with a glass of glogg)
Will have to try Nuit Etoilee. Too bad I don’t have any of the AG candles this year.
P.S. There’s always one song I hear repeatedly during a holiday season. This year I am being chased around stores by “Santa Baby”, which isn’t too dreadful – the strangest year was with “Man, I Feel Like a Woman”, which just confused me.
Santa Baby can be awful! (Although I did once see a heart-stoppingly beautiful choreographed display of fountains at the Las Vegas Bellagio spurting along to Madonna’s version of the song. I was all ready to make fun of the fountain, too, but it was magnificent.)
I’m in Australia and the news in Sydney this morning is so terrible that many us will have forgotten about Christmas at the moment.
And the weather is hot. Chanel No 19 EDT today. No need for a reason for wearing that – it is perfect.
I’ve been hearing the news here, too! It truly is awful–almost unreal. I’m glad the stand-off is over. And, yes, Chanel No. 19 is a fabulous response to anything.
Sydneysider here and feeling so so sad today .
You are right , the spirit of Christmas feels so violated.
I’m going to go with 19 today as well . Thanks for helping me decide – I just had to turn off the news and get on with the day .
I’m so sorry, and I hope at least that the No. 19 takes a little of the edge off!
I actually went with no 5 !
It seemed a little more comforting ,
And THANKYOU x
Very nice!
Your descriptions of the “faking it” perfumes are hysterical. I completely agree with them, especially the 24 Fauborg. It seems like a lot of Hermes scents smell like they are just dripping money.
They do! I adore so many of them, despite my secondhand handbag and ancient pickup truck.
This year in particular has been one of perfume aroma therapy for me. Since situations change so quickly here with angsty tweens, a toddler, family who never decides where the parties will be until the last moment and now, entertaining guests for days, I’m all over the place perfume wise. Some of my favorites and most reached for have been Hermes Ambre Narguile “D*mn it, I’m going to be happy, happy, happy about this season. So much in fact that I’m going to go to this event smelling like a winter confection straight out of the oven!”, Bottega Veneta “Yes, there are a million chores I still have to do, but for a moment I can smell gorgeous, classy and pretend the maid will handle them as I sip a favorite drink and curl up with a good book in my imagination.”, AG Musc Nomade for when I need instant calm and tranquility before my head explodes as yet again I wake up to “But Mama! I *did* tell you that I needed x last night before I went to bed and you were supposed to get it for me! Don’t you remember?” (for the record, I was not told this ever until just now) and finally, the last few drops of Hermes Jour d’Hermes Absolu to feel pretty and glamourous in the face of “Whaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
The obviousness behind why I’ve bought more bath fripperies than perfume, too, has not escaped my notice since if I could move into my tub with a good bottle of wine, even better book, nice smellies for the tub and intoxicating candle, I’d do it in a heartbeat and never come out again. 🙂
What great perfume choices! I completely forgot about Ambre Narguile, and it’s absolutely spot-on. Your bathtub escape fantasy makes the old Calgon commercials sound like lazy whining. Sign me up for your take on it!
I know so precisely all those feelings. So many demands, so little left to give sometimes.
I hope Santa will help her out with a little something special in the perfume department…
I hate just about everything about the holiday season, especially the insanely cheerful people who feel the need to get in my face about my lack of cheer. If they are genuinely happy, then why are they going out of their way to judge me?
I appreciate the time off to visit family and friends.
To be clear, I don’t hate the people themselves 🙂
Oh, I knew what you meant.
I know! I think I’m secretly jealous of those cheerful people, but I cloak it in Bah Humbug.
I love almost everything about Christmas–the music, the lights and decorations, the Christmas Eve service at our church, picking out gifts for nieces and nephews, the food. I say “almost” everything because I don’t care for the crowds and long lines in the stores this time of year, which I why I do my Christmas shopping early. Once I have it done, I actually enjoy going into the shopping malls to see them all decorated for Christmas.
Over the years, I have learned not to stress too much over most of it. If something isn’t absolutely perfect, that is OK. I do put a lot of thought into the gifts I buy, and I hope everyone likes what I got them, but the world will not end if I don’t get it exactly right. I have two Christmas Eve services and a concert on the 21st to play for (I am an amateur musician), and I do try to do my best and prepare as well as I can, but the entire service or concert is not going to be destroyed if I play one wrong note.
We don’t have any children, my in-laws all live out of state, and there is no way for us to spend Christmas with them due to our church obligations, and my family won’t be getting together until after Christmas (probably on a Saturday, either Dec. 27 or Jan. 3), so my husband and I are looking forward to having the day just to ourselves. We will have our Christmas dinner around noon or so, and probably go see a movie that evening. We make a sort of ceremony of our Christmas dinner, which can be either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, depending on our schedules. We use the good china and crystal, dim the lights, light candles, have mellow Christmas music playing in the background, turn off the ringers on the phones, shut the cats in another room, and for about an hour we just focus on us. We reflect the year that is nearly past, the one that is coming, our plans for the future, and so on. It is a sort of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s rolled into one, and I look forward to it each year.
I’m not sure what to do as far as perfume though. This “winter” has been unusually warm, with temps in the 70s, and our air conditioner has even been coming on the last few days. The warm temps combined with menopausal hot flashes (probably TMI, I know) are making it hard to contemplate wearing the heavy scents that I usually look forward to wearing in the winter. The last few years I have worn Avignon for Christmas Eve, and I don’t think it would be too heavy in spite of the weather, but the sprayer is broken. Attrape-Coeur and Vol de Nuit are awaiting chillier weather. To feel rich, I suppose one of my Amouages would do–I have Gold Woman and Dia Woman, which both just smell wealthy to me. Lately I have been reaching for Aftelier Secret Garden a good deal, just because I love it. Besides, if it is going to feel like spring, why not?
It sounds to me like you’ve found the ideal way to appreciate the season, and the ideal attitude to go with it! Plus music! Secret Garden would be a nice choice, in my opinion. Sure, it’s floral and spring-like, but it has so much body and little of that vintage feel I adore.
I’m with you. Love Christmas, love this time of year. Not to say my family isn’t terribly difficult, and with the loss of my brother this time of year three years ago, there are some tough moments–but all the cozy warmth, good smells, excuses to eat something wonderful and savor it! It is all very welcome.
I don’t envy you your warm weather, though. I appreciate the seasonal cold snaps that encourage some hibernation out of my otherwise endlessly busy schedule!
I don’t like the warm weather either. Yes, I know it is Texas, but still, couldn’t it at least be below 60? At least chilly enough to think about wearing a sweater? I hope it at least cools off for January. I just drives me crazy when I am swatting mosquitoes in January.
It’s really that warm there?!? Well, I hope the temperature at least cracks 50 soon.
It was 75 today, and I have been seeing a few mosquitoes.
Practically suntanning weather!
I admire your attitude, despite the memories of losing your brother! I’ll draft in your good feelings.
Thank you for this post, Angela. Am I a horrible person to dread Christimas evening with my mom and my husband’s together? It’s like a Bergson movie, every freakin’ year! And now, with the kids, I have to make it a Disney version of itself. So. Much. Work. I’ll be wearing (a lot of) Shalimar Ode à la Vanille, confidence and cupcake all at once. Summer solstice? Who cares?
“Confidence and cupcake all at once”–that’s a perfect description! I hope New Year’s Eve gives you some quiet, relaxing, contemplative time alone with your husband.
Some great thoughts about perfume at this time of year – and it’s the best time of year for perfume – thanks for that! My favourites for comfort in the cold and dark are Jacomo 8 – I seem to be using that one a lot, plus drinking actual spiced tea, that helps. LDDM gives me the churchy incense effect and I love Ambre Sultan while working at home.
I’m with Filomena on”faking it” with the good stuff! Lyric and Phi are my rosey rich woman finds this year.
Now I’m craving a bit of Ambre Sultan myself! Maybe I’ll make that my solstice perfume.
I’ve been drinking a lot of herbal tea lately, too. I just finished a pot of it, in fact.
Excellent choice for a solstice perfume. That stuff really hits the spot on cold days.
Then it’s settled!
Lovely!
In the evening I heat milk up on the stove and add honey, a few sprinkles of cardamom and a smidgeon of almond extract. A warm foot bath follows and then blissful sleep.
I love that! I can imagine substituting a full bath for the foot bath, then drowsily making my way to bed…
I was definitely in the “smell me roar” category last year dealing with the Mr.’s fam, which is THE best way to describe Shalimar. But this year will be calm and warm in Florida with my fam, so I’m thinking nice summer scents to take with me like Jour d’Hermes and Eau de Mervailles.
I will say Lyric Woman has become my comfort fragrance this year and most likely what I’ll wear Friday.
Please confirm the light switch is on the tree! That is comedic gold and such a great way to put perspective on what we consider proper and “important” when it comes to putting up a front for others during the holidays.
Of course the light switch is there, right near the top! It cracks me up every time I see it.
I love the sound of your Christmas picks. They sound so much like a wonderful summer afternoon–which would be perfect about now!
Brilliant! So now whenever you are having a bad day, you can just look at the tree and laugh. 😀
I did that just this morning!
I like the holidays, but I don’t get all pressure-y about it. I can’t say I run across that many insane cheer-mongers either. I imagine I’d enjoy the holidays a lot less if I did… or possibly my astounding powers of obliviousness have simply rendered me impervious…lol.
I also realize that I’m lucky in that my family generally gets along, so gatherings aren’t a source of dread. I don’t have a huge number of people to buy gifts for, and I enjoy finding presents I think they’ll like, but I don’t worry about it being *perfect*.
My enjoyment of the holidays is also probably helped by the fact that it’s the easiest time for me to take vacation from work, so just before Christmas to just after New Year’s is my major vacation for the year. Granted, I was sick during my vacation the last two years, so I’m hoping that won’t happen this year.
Vacation time is one of the best parts of this time of year, agreed. Combine that with your easygoing attitude, and I can see why the holidays are good for you! Here’s to a healthier holiday this year.
The holidays used to drive me right over the edge: the perfect gifts, the perfect foods, the perfect decorations – as you say “the obligation to appear to have a perfect life.”
Well forget all that! Now, I take the words of the great Leonard Cohen to heart:
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
So my offerings are now imperfect, and I treasure those cracks. And I’m good with that.
Oh, I love that! I’m going to print it out and tape it above my computer.
Wow, that’s quite a quote!
That is so nice!
Your characterization of Cuir de Russie cracks me up; I could see making it my signature scent for that alone. “I yawn” – priceless.
My favorites for the season: Bois des Isles, of course; Bois de Paradis, which goes so well with holiday feasts; Bottega Veneta, purchased (at first sniff!) a few years ago as my Christmas present to myself.
Those are brilliant holiday scents! My perfume is wearing down, so I think I’ll go anoint myself with some Bottega Veneta in your honor.
Not feeling festive this year, more calm and contemplative, so I am wearing a lot of incense (Incense Extreme, Encens Flamboyant, Cardinal) and not decorating, shopping or baking. And I’m okay with that. 🙂
The best part is that you’re okay with it. Calm and contemplative is wonderful, and it’s how I plan to end the year. (Maybe you should order up a decant of the new Aedes, Copal Azur, too–it’s a solid block of incense.)
Oh, I just received a bottle of that last week as a gift to myself! I will definitely be wearing that over the next couple of weeks! Great minds think alike. 🙂
And the bodies of great minds just might smell like incense!
I will put OJ Woman in my holiday comfort scent category, although perhaps it should be with faking it, too? All that balsam seems to help me be a chameleon–just another pretty little tree in the forest of Christmas offerings! But it is also unusual and spritely enough for any official occasion (armoring me against the awkwardness of party small talk!).
I bet you’re a star at party small talk, OJ Woman or not! (But of course most occasions are best with a little OJ Woman.)
An addition: Mr. Spicebomb must fit in beautifully this time of year with all those delicious baking spices.
Yes, he smells nummy!
Ha! Boy have I got you fooled! 😉 I do ok in small groups, but if there’s a lot of strangers mingling, I don’t know what to say or how to get a conversation going!
Hey, just pretend they’re a bunch of middle-schoolers, and you’ll get on great!
I am truly and genuinely more socially comfortable with 13 year-olds. I have often wondered what that says about me and my level of maturity. . . 😀
Oh, hey Angie–did you see that Tracy at TPH says that they will begin carrying Frederic Malle next month? Pretty exciting!!!
Wow! I wonder if this has anything to do with Estee Lauder taking over Malle? Well, whatever the case, I’m glad they’ll be closer to us!
I decided yesterday to experiment and put some of the OJ Woman bath oil on my reed diffusers, and it smells wonderful!
That sounds really nice–as does a bath with the OJ bath oil.
As I’m typing this,there is a constant drilling/sawing/hammering going on,in the background.No it’s NOT all in my head:We decided on bathroom renovations just before the Holidays…and it’s apparently going to finish only the day before Christmas.LOL.As it’s Summer over here,our days are either scorchers,or drowned in summer thundershowers.My ONLY comfort scent at the moment is Calyx,Calyx and more Calyx!!As the dust from tile -cutting swirls through the house and corridors,it’s the only perfume that keeps me feeling clean and refreshed.I’m OCD about hygiene(being a nurse!!!),so this is one HELL of a festive time for me,through all the dust and dirt!!LOL!At least 2 bathrooms are being turned into 2 spots of peace and serenity in my house….
Don’t tell me that both bathrooms are being redone at once! That would be awful! I imagine you staggered them, though. What a terrific Christmas present it will be once they’re finished. I hope you have a back-up bottle of Calyx…
Funny story Angela:originally we only planned to do one bathroom now,and the other next year in February.As they were destroying current tiling in bathroom 1,ALL of the tiles in bathroom 2 started to come loose and shatter all over the place…so yes.lol.Both are being done at the same time!You can imagine the current re-re-scheduling of 3 busy people living in 1 house!But it’s all good,as they picked up the pace this week and might even finish by Friday.Excellent workmanship and attention to detail from the team involved,I must say!AND YES:I have enough original Calyx backup(s!!)Lol!NOT A WORD,Merlin!Haha!;-))
Oh no! Two bathrooms out at once! Well, it sounds like fate intervened, and fortunately you hired the right people to deal with it.
“I don’t have a husband, and what of it? People confuse me with Marlene Dietrich constantly. I yawn.”
I LOVE it! I myself have been hitting my Goutal bottles pretty hard, Heure Exquise and Grand Amour.
Those are two of my favorites! They’re both so lush.
The last 3 years have been profoundly stressful for me at work (and it remains now), and so it was a real decision to eliminate all the other types of stressors that might ruin and the holidays for me, my hubbie and daughter (excessive decorating, excessive baking, excessive pretending about the commercial and fictional facade of the holidays). Once you get used to eliminating those things, it becomes easier and the magic comes back. It was especially important for me with our high-functioning autistic daughter that the holidays be calm and just simple. Whatever happens happens. If it makes you stressed, just walk away. It’s not that important. The holiday joy is just like a very beautiful perfume, you don’t need much to feel special. It is a choice to reject all that bitternss or stress, and just find simplicity or contentment. And online shopping helps, A LOT! Take some fragrance or cocktail money and buy some toys for Toys for Tots. The last bottle of perfume we all bought could buy Xmas dinner for a decent sized family. I am going to hop up on my perfume box for a moment and mention the fact that we should all be grateful for what we have when there are so many people wanting in the world. There is a lot of room for us to not be jaded this time of year. Ahem, sorry, so…. No 5 in any form and AG Mandragore Pourpre are my fav holiday fragrances.
I love this: “Once you get used to eliminating those things, it becomes easier and the magic comes back.” I love the idea of paring down and making what’s there really count. Thank you for that!
And you provide a great reminder that giving is also a wonderful way to stir up some of that “magic.”
I’ll add: “giving” as in real giving to those who need it, rather than the perfunctory gift giving out of expectation.
I feel really weepy about it this year: when I see all the toys my daughter has (all year!), then I just got very enthused to buy for toys for tots. Hanging out with children at the holidays is the best tonic, and I imagine your lightswitch ornament enlivens you too! We have crazy tree at my house, so I get it. My daughter puts all the ornaments together in one bunch so between her and the cats, it gets very exciting.
This year I have a new cat, Squeaky, who’s been a bit of a wildcard with the tree. So far, he’s focused his attention on one glitter-bedecked dove and has dragged it from the tree twice.