Often, I think of myself as a jaded sugar daddy. My "paramours"? Perfumes of course! They kiss my neck, fondle my arms, tickle my chest, and try to rouse me from my blasé, "been-there/smelled-that" existence. (They want my money.) Sometimes, it's hard to keep my eyes open, to feign interest in their "personalities" or their juice.
For instance:
The new parfum-garçon in town approaches (European, overdressed, "exclusive", always asking me for huge sums of cash) and I think: "He's not worth it!"
I spot a middle-aged scent, "face-lifted", all traces of moss liposuctioned away, dressed like a teenager: "I feel I know you, but something has changed...something is 'different!' You've lost weight! You seem lighter!" I say.
Department store types attract me (they are often cute, "fashionable" and bubbly) but I always get their names mixed up!: "Hello, Giorgio! Oh, sorry...I mean Ralph! NO? Don't tell me! It's Calvin, correct? Perry? Tommy?"
Shockingly, over the last year I've pursued forbidden fruit, Italians, from religious orders and monasteries I've never heard of before, who try to sell me bergamot and oranges at horribly inflated prices: "Away, Padre! Even I can't afford your goods! But you look heavenly in that BEAUTIFULLY tailored habit!"
There are bright spots in my sugar daddy existence:
I enjoy perfumes of a certain age. Not only are they well seasoned in the art of 'seduction' but they are easily reached via the Internet (cheap dates to boot, available at steeply discounted rates!): Jules, Jicky, Bijan, and les messieurs Balmain and Givenchy are just a few I turn to when I crave an experienced, appreciative 'touch.'
I also believe in having fun, so I do casual hook-ups with those I meet on the street, in supermarkets, etc. (though they are cheap and a tad "simple," they provide a lot of bang for the buck). In case you're interested, these types hang out on the corner of Pacifica and Demeter.
This sugar daddy is getting very tired; each year more paramours arrive on the scene to tempt me, but I'm usually not "satisfied" with our encounters. Only occasionally do I get back as much as I give in these relationships — time and commitment, money, entertainment, originality! Rarely do I say: "I will keep you! Here are the keys to my house, my heart! My credit card number? But of course!"
Today, in marched what appeared to be a "lightweight" French character: the fruity, but comely, Diptyque L'Eau de Tarocco. To be blunt: the foreplay was excellent, but there was no climax. We were both asleep before 20 minutes were up.
L'Eau de Tarocco Eau de Cologne, by Givaudan perfumer Olivier Pescheux, contains Tarocco oranges, cinnamon, turmeric, ginger, rose, cedar, frankincense, saffron, Serenolide and Cosmone (musks). L'Eau de Tarocco saves the best for "first": delicious aromas of orange peels, orange pulp — quite delightful. Quickly, L'Eau de Tarocco offers up glints of turmeric, ginger and slightly "medicinal" saffron. Before I knew what was happening, the fragrance became "femme" — soft and powdery, rose-y; the rose accord smelled like old fashioned lipstick one minute, then yeast rolls fresh from the oven (and glazed with rose jelly) the next. Unfortunately, the majority of the time I spent with L'Eau de Tarocco, all I smelled was "see-through", standard-issue musk-wood-citrus. The lasting power of L'Eau de Tarocco is below average (and we sugar daddies appreciate some lasting power if you know what I mean). I will not be calling L'Eau de Tarocco for a second date, but if, unlike me, you don't have lots of light, musk-wood-citrus summer fragrances at hand, you may want to give L'Eau de Tarocco a try. Me? I'm pursuing Miller et Bertaux' a quiet morning — pert, yet doe-eyed. "HEL-LOOOOO there!"
Diptyque L'Eau de Tarocco is available in 100 ($98) and 200 ml ($135) Eau de Cologne, packaged in a splash bottle with an optional pump spray. For buying information, see the listing for Diptyque under Perfume Houses.
Note: drawing at top left by John Singer Sargent (via freeparking on flickr; some rights reserved.
Great review! I’ll never think of “optional pump spray” in quite the same way again!
LMAO!
Boojum: glad to hear it…save some laughter for the free ads Google might post after its software picks out some of the words in the post.
Yogaprof!!! HAHA!
How naughty!
Rusticdove…but NICE.
What a great review! It made me laugh and made me feel just a little dirty—- so it’s all good. (snickering)
I just sampled Tarocco this week–it does start out nice with a little bite of citrus zest and ginger…but all too soon went medicinal then flat, stale and well…boring. hmm, now I guess I’m pinning my hopes Dior Pondichery.
Daisy: I’m looking forward to that one too.
Kevin,
Thanks for making me laugh out loud at work!
Crowflower: you’re welcome!
This is awesome! LMAO. I once told someone that I was promiscuous when it comes to perfume, and got the most shocked look. I don’t think they heard me past “promiscuous.” Or maybe they had other ideas about what I was doing with perfume. Who knows. Either way, this spoke to my heart.
Keep up the good work.
Miss Kitty: thanks.
Love it, love it, LOVE it, Special K! Thanks for the giggles. Very adroit humour — as always.
RobinR: thank YOU…I like “Special K”..ha!
You are a brilliant essayist Kevin! This captures so perfectly the “relationships” we have with our fragrances. Don’t ever stop writing!
Dzingnut: thank you…perfume relationships are always good for a laugh, aren’t they?
Ha! Thank you, Kevin, for making my day.
Bergere: you’re welcome…today I”m looking into the new MAC “honeys”!
Heehee! Tried looking for those yesterday, didn’t see them… but had plenty of other adventures anyway. Soooo far behind.
Oh, do let us know what you think of the MAC honeys!
Oh well can’t be right about them all. Fun review though. I must have missed the Femme part. Do agree on the length of “romp”. LOL!
Right meaning…how MOI thought YOU would like it.
C: I understood….
C: yes, a quickie indeed. Did you buy a bottle?
Who me…what…buy a bottle…UH….no! Damn I am the worst liar! HA!
Well, on the bright side…I have to apply so heavily…and refreshed thoughout the day…I’ll use up that bottle in no time! Or maybe not.
Well, I guess that sometimes a good foreplay is all one needs.
Nah, who I am kidding!
Thanks for the laughs, K!
P.S. Good thing is there’s no law against your kind of kerb crawling
Dusan! I abide by the law as best I can…plus, I’m discreet.
…says the man who recently admitted to a naked, top hatted banana dance….
lol @ Daisy.
Daisy: true…but no police reports were filed!
because no one wants to admit to having seen/watched it….?
there’s also the possibility that the neighbors are hanging around their windows waiting for a glimpse of another performance…
lol! lol! And yet, it’s true. I know that I’m happiest at home with my faithful Ormonde Jaynes, and yet . . .
Dissed: your nose WILL wander!
This was entertaining. Thanks for helping me kill at least 30 minutes of my work day.
Rictor: glad to help…
What a giggle inducing post – thanks K.
Fragrance monogamy is SO overrated.
Mike: it IS, isn’t it? I’m always telling the people I know who stick with one scent to PLEASE expand their selection!
Hear, hear!
Kevin, your reviews do leave a lasting impression. I can’t look at an Equipage bottle without thinking of you.
Dixie: oh…I like being remembered by my Equipage!
Oh man. Hermes could use that for marketing….
Kevin: I will admit it: I love, LOVE casual, cheap hook-ups, though I still always keep my eyes open for elegant French characters, of whom I’ve “known” a few. Is that so wrong?
I absolutely demand lasting power to hold my interest, but I’m still curious to try this one to see how the spices are handled. However, I think my citrus go-to this summer will be Dior Portofino… until something else “distracts” me.
you know my sample of Tarocco has your name on it, right?
well, actually it says Diptyque on it, but you know what I mean.
Joe: Portofino was a pass for me…too quiet. You’re known as a meanie in the sugar daddy realm (you cut your perfumes down to size!) DEE-CANT!
FINALLY! Someone else in my camp. I tried to love it, but it goes flat on me after about 5 minutes. If it were free and I had nothing better, I would certainly wear it…but I’d take 4711 over Portofino, sadly. Still love the bottle, though…here’s hoping the next one is fab!
Boojum: crossing my fingers on Pondicherry…”TEA!”
Kevin! You made me laugh so hard I snorted! Not nice!LOL!
so funny – and so informative. Saw you capping TEA! Have you tried Agraria Bitter Orange? You might like it. I love it, esp on hyper-hot days – just like Iced Constant Comment.
xoxoxoA
Musette: yes, Bitter Orange is nice.
Brilliant brilliant brilliant. (So brilliant, that I even registered so I could say that.) Still would give it/him a go..though….
BL1SS: Welcome and thanks. Many people fell in love with Tarocco if you read other reviews…so you may get more out of it/him than I did.
I’m confused. Is Diptyque hiring people to make perfume? Do they have briefs already? I always thought they were more of s in-the-house company…
Veronika: think they’ve always had perfumers do their stuff.
Well, I must be getting old and bored because interesting foreplay is enough for me. There’s a bottle under my name at my local perfume store, just gotta get down there and pay for it. And I thought the hook-up lasted longer than many of my previous cologne dates. Perhaps this is why they say “Different strokes for different folks….”
Erin: indeed!
so does this have a lokum-y rose?
Is Miller et Bertaux’ a quiet morning similar? only without lokum-y rose?
Krok: Tarocco’s rose is sweet, but not candy-sweet…and it’s light.
a quiet morning does have some rose but I like it for the tumeric…it’s vaguely like Penhaligon’s Elixir, esp. in the dry-down.
i received a sample of penhaligon’s elixir with a purchase from luckyscent, and its definitely grown on me quite a bit.
a quiet morning sounds interesting. i’ll have to add it to my ever-growing list of things to smell.
This is the best post ever.
Ojeda: kind of you to say!
Oh, I agree!
Really really good!
I agree, too.
Thank you, Kevin!
Kevin, I have to “third” the motion as the best post ever. So clever and could fit in a Philip Marlowe novel. Thanks for the laughs!
filomena/my beauty blog: thanks!
I need to find a sugar daddy for real but that’s another story!
I loved this post! I was all excited at first glance at the name of the perfume because I thought maybe it was a tobaccoey one but no. Oh well. Sounds like a pass, another to keep OFF THE LIST.
I’ll be interested to hear what you think of those MAC honeys.
Tama: I have high hopes for them but then again, I’ve never tried a MAC scent before.
Hi Tama – Well, if I am a sugar momma, then my new fav, Camaro driving fling is that darmed tootin Bulgari Black! Thanks for the thrill!!
You are welcome! And since it is a men’s fragrance, it is fairly affordable!
Hmm, I think that will be my SOTD – it is cool here.
Oh Kevin! Jeez…
I swore that I would never, ever be with anyone even a day yonger than myself for fear of ever being consider to be a “sugardaddy”.
I have always succeeded (Except for that one time one…) But now, thanks to your review…. I might have to come to grip with reality…. gasp! I am…
Anyway… Diptyque candles yes, sometimes, but their frags have never really turned my fancy…
You guys are making my day, here! I have yet to find a Diptyque to love, and I’ve given up trying. That bench on the sideline was getting lonely…
platinum: I’ve loved and owned many a Diptyque: Virgilio, L’Eau Trois, Oyedo…and more…so this one disappointed. I like the weird Diptyques.
“…the foreplay was excellent, but there was no climax. We were both asleep before 20 minutes were up”?!?!? ROFLMAO!
Kevin, this is priceless. You’re such a good writer you manage to fit in a lot of valuable information among the humor.
fleurdelys: thanks! Being a sugar daddy IS humorous most of the time.
This was terrific! I was grinning all the way through it. Thanks … and although I was really curious about this one, I’m in no hurry now — I have plenty of musk-wood-citrus scents already.
Jill: yes, smell it when you come across it in the store…it’s fun just to smell the opening ‘orange’ section.
Fabulous post, I needed that laugh. I totally agree on the foreplay without climax and the overpriced European lotharios we’ve been subjected to lately. I like to stick with my old tried-and-true favorites more and more!
cazaubon: I’ve been restocking old faves lately too…
Yeah! like my M7 and my butch Macassar
That was a fun read, Kevin, and I love that drawing!
Although I haven’t tried their candles, I’m starting to think Diptyque is a scam – lackluster scents in gorgeous packaging.
Sapphie: for me, the most recent offerings have been lackluster…not like the older scents. But, Diptyque is probably selling more than ever as the fragrances have become more “mainstream.”
The only one I truly love is Oyedo – that strange, fluorescent fruity scent with the musty undertone.
Great post as usual Kevin – very funny! I sometimes feel like a gal who’s strayin’ away from my first love (Coco), with many new and sometimes very excellent partners. But there is Coco, sitting in the corner with that look in her eyes each time I come back home……… In this whole situation, I think I need to be a polyamorous woman with multiple husbands *and* lovers!!!
From Ab-Fab — Patsy’s crazy Mom: “Take it away, and bring me another lover!”
Anns: from the very start I’ve had a stable of scents…I “know no other way!”
Polyamory is the ONLY way to go with perfume. And other things, but we won’t get into that….
What a great job you did working the metaphor – terrific writing! Thanks – I needed that!
I agree. This essay is a treasure. Thanks, Kevin!
Brilliant! My feelings exactly. Where oh where is a good frankincense note? I love it so and yet can’t think of one perfume that does it justice. Suggestions?
noirepices: have you tried Czech & Speake Frankincense & Myrrh?
Oh my goodness, I was unaware of Czech & Speake! Very exciting. Thanks for the great tip…
Avignon? Messe de Minuit?
I loved Messe de Minuit in the bottle, but on me it’s a big patchouli bomb, sadly… I’ll have to sniff Avignon… thanks!
Incense Extreme from Tauer Perfumes
This was such a great post, thank you Kevin!
Kevin, my sweet, come to mama… What you are is a scent slut, just like me!
I smelled the Diptyque eaux recently, but only on strips, and they have very appealing gambits… Of course, eaux aren’t meant to last much, hence the musk. Your mention of saffron and rose got me interested, but then, I’ve got L’Artisan Safran Troublant and I’m ogling IUNX L’Ether (being one of the few who can actually contemplate the purchase leisurely, since it’s only sold in Paris and that’s where I live). So I’m set up in the saffron and rose department.
As for eaux, well, I’m a Chanel EdC girl myself. My heart belongs to daddy Polge and cousin Sheldrake!
CC: saffron and rose is a great combo, isn’t it? And how could one NOT be a scent slut in Paris! HA!
Nothing makes me smile like a raunchy double-entendre. This review was deilghtfully full of them!
I have recently made a decision to stick with my reliable older men, and to stop ‘sampling around’. I am going to buy bottles of Bandit, Champaca and Muscs Koublai Kahn – maybe Incense Extreme if I harken to Andy’s siren-call from across the sea. Other than that, I am putting on my chastity belt and throwing away the key for 2010. Hmmmm……which makes me think of By Kilian and their over-priced packaging-boxes……
Blimunda…so excited that MKK will be exported briefly this fall.
oh Blimunda, you are so strong! I ‘m afraid that I am a pushover for wink and a smile from every new cutie that happens by…sigh, a perfume ho for sure.
Never a perfume ho, honey. Just aromatically adventurous.
I’m with everyone else – what an entertaining and eerily accurate (in terms of the healthy/unhealthy relationship between me and my scents!) review.
Slightly off the topic however, I just today ordered a sample of Dyptique Tam Dao and was wondering what to expect?
RossM: my bottle is years old, but expect cedar-sandalwood. I do think there’s a review here at NST of the scent by Robin.
kevin, you are a true delight! thank you for this!
Oh Kevin, you do make me laugh. If only I could love Jicky as much as you do! (Love the Sargent pick too.)
Kevin you’re a hilarious, but am I the only one distracted by the nearly nekkid fellow who looks like jesus?
fantastic article.
love it!