Setting: A crowded perfume cabinet in the Pacific Northwest.
Main Characters:
Monsieur Balmain (“Monsieur”): the original Pierre Balmain fragrance for men;
Monsieur Balmain (“MB”): the reformulated version of Monsieur Balmain.
Monsieur “awakes” and is startled to see a new, bright yellow bottle standing next to him on the perfume shelf.
Monsieur: Excusez-moi monsieur, we have not been introduced. Could you turn just a bit…. What? Is this a joke? MY name is Monsieur Balmain, yet “Monsieur Balmain” is written on your garish bottle! Imposter!
MB: Calmez! You’re too old for such excitement! Your label will fall off or, worse, you’ll start leaking! My name is Monsieur Balmain, and I’m the new you.
Monsieur: The new me? TOO OLD?! This is outrageous! What would Germaine think!?
MB: Germaine? Who’s he?
Monsieur: MADAME Germaine Cellier! — one of the greatest perfumers of all time! She created me in 1964. Who’s your perfumer?
MB: I have no idea. Monsieur: Let me smell you. Spray!
MB: Pssssst.
Monsieur: (inhaling deeply) I can barely detect your scent; spray a little longer s’il vous plait.
MB: Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst!
Monsieur: I smell we’re related, but you are so “fresh”…perhaps a bit TOO fresh?
MB: Not fair! Let me smell you!
Monsieur: Ah, my screw cap is sticking…uh...um…there we go! I am not a spray; come close and sniff my neck.
MB: (Sneezing) Not necessary! You’re so strong I can smell you over here! And, no offense, but I’m usually not attracted to old perfume bottles, so I’ll pass on the neck sniffing!
Monsieur: IMPERTINENT! I was not suggesting any layering! We’re related after all!
MB: Okay, okay! I apologize. Let’s see (inhaling) — I smell lemon…fruit…citrus fruit…something lemony….
Monsieur: You only smell LEMONS? I am made of many essences: bergamot, lavender, basil, jasmine, lemon grass, ginger, carnation, cyclamen, oak moss, cedar, musk, leather, patchouli and, yes — lemons.
MB: I smell lemons.
Monsieur: Apparently, you have a clogged nozzle. I am vibrant and complex! Lemon does dominate my personality, but it is an authentic, deep, warm lemon. I smell of whole lemons simmering in sweet syrup flavored with lavender, basil, Thai lemon grass and ginger, stirred by a spoon of precious cedar wood, with jasmine blossoms floating on the surface of my golden liquid! I quench the ‘thirst’ of perfume lovers searching for an immortal perfume!
MB: Such florid talk! As for “immortal perfume,” pardonnez-moi, monsieur, I hate to be the one to break the news, but you were sort of discontinued in 1990. Nineteen-ninety was my birthday. I am “you,” only better…I mean — “reformulated!”
Monsieur: Discontinued! Reformulated! Holy Pierre! Mother of Germaine! Pourquoi?
MB: You needed updating! Carnation? Lavender? Fusty!
Monsieur: Fusty? Tell me what you’re made of Monsieur 1990!
MB: I still have bergamot, cedar, ginger, oak moss and all things lemony-citrusy (citron, petitgrain, bitter orange, lemon verbena) — but I’ve been given a boost of mint, rose, pepper, nutmeg, rosemary, thyme, sandalwood, vetiver, sage and amber. If you are a warm pot of spiced lemon syrup, I am a sparkly, fizzy, ice-cold pitcher of lemonade, spiked with sprigs of fresh mint and rosemary, topped not with a garnish of cooked, limp jasmine flowers, but with a few sprinkles of nutmeg. I am SO refreshing and beloved in summertime. I’ve been told my heart notes produce a lovely violet aroma after a few hours on the skin.
Monsieur: Violet! And you deem lavender and carnation fusty?! I grant you one thing, you do smell summery (aside: if a bit artificial), but people wore me year round; my scent withstands cold weather and layers of clothes. I am season-less. Or was….
MB: How much of you is left?
Monsieur: Hardly a quarter of a bottle’s worth! I am on the verge of extinction I suppose. Even you must find it sad that I, the Original Monsieur Balmain, have almost disappeared from the world, or shall I say, suffered the indignity of “reformulation?”
MB: Don’t be sad! All things change. All things end. Right, Kyoto? I do love Zen poetry!
COMME des GARÇONS Kyoto: Actually, I prefer comic books.
Monsieur: How depressing it all is! The Balmain perfumes used to be so fabulous. I wonder how many of my “friends” remain and how they smell today. Pierre would die, again, if he saw your packaging! You look like you belong in an Easter basket! Zen, indeed!
MB: Don’t be rude! You’re dressed for an evening out in Paris; I’m dressed for casual Friday in Miami.
Monsieur: Enough! I have a head-note ache! I must rest. I heard Kevin say he is wearing me tomorrow and now that I know I cannot be replenished, I must prepare myself for the ‘loss’! The loss of self!
MB: Sleep well old thing. (To Comptoir Sud Pacifique Thé: I’m sure when Kevin said he’d be wearing Monsieur Balmain tomorrow he meant me! Love your orange bottle by the way.)
Comptoir Sud Pacifique Thé: Thanks, but don’t be too smug — you ARE 17 years old. I was discontinued before my 10th birthday!
MB: Kevin sure can pick ‘em!
Wonderful! Thank you, I had to smile the whole time reading! Would be nice to write a whole novel like this. I have seen the yellow bottle and thought it looked cheap. Didn't know the story.
Love this! Poor old Monsieur
I especially loved the fact that Kyoto loves comics 
Yep, the new bottle looks and feels cheap. I tried to find a photo of the old bottle to post but was unsuccessful; it was a hefty light yellow bottle, opaque glass, with a black cap…the label was white with black letters.
HA! I wanted to include ALL my favorites in the “dialogue”…but the post would have been Tolstoy length, K
This is brilliant, Kevin!
(I didn't know that Germaine Cellier was creating scents as late as that, too. So interesting.)
Well done, K, and lol at your priceless phrasing – poor old Monsieur leaking from excitement, and the concept of “layering”!
Thanks Angela…my heart belongs to the OLD Monsieur, K
Thanks R. I've been thinking a lot recently of OLD vs. NEW (Green Water, Guerlain Vetiver, CSP's The vs Ecume de The)…so I thought this might be a fun way to approach the topic of discontinued/reformulated scents. K
A great read, but now i want to track down the original, and I'll bet that's nigh unto impossible…
This was a really great read. Is the following an image of the bottle you were looking for? It doesn't seem opaque, but seems close to what you describe. And the one on the left must have been a later version.
http://didier.huard.free.fr/Balmain-monsieur.jpg
Diabolically hilarious! I have a carded sample presumably of MB (fizzy lemons, lemons, lemons with some muted florals and sprigs of rosemary and I'd say basil) and now I'd love to meet the Monsieur, too. What a character!
Tom: I've seen miniaturel bottles for sale online but I don't know if I “trust” them…. Best that's you've not smelled the original! I've actually gone semi-mad searching for another bottle of Comptoir Sud Pacifique's “The” (eau de parfum) — probably the only scent I've ever bought three bottles of in a row. K
Nope, not the bottle — but thanks for looking! (the bottles in your link are “mini's” I believe). K
Dusan: you live in the land of hidden treasures. Always look for the most crowded, messy, out-of-the-way perfume shops in Europe (in bad parts of town, near train stations, etc.) and beg to look at old stock — I've found some unopened GEMS by doing that over the years. Perhaps you can find a sleeping Monsieur in some odd drawer or hidden behind a 25 year old dried flower arrangement! HA! K
LOL, so true! Will report if I come across the poor Monsieur!
Kevin, I am so interested in The, just because I hate all the current cake batter CSP, and it fascinates me to think they once had worthwhile scents. Can you give a mini-review?
Tigs: I hope to give a FULL review in August…and a comparison with Ecume de The (the lighter version that's still available). I'd Walk-Swim-Walk to Paris decked out in Comptoir Sud Pacifique garb if they'd only reissue The…even for a limited time. K
Loved this, SO clever! I went immediately to eBay — is THIS the older version? http://tinyurl.com/2wac68
I snagged it for my college-age son — he's just getting into fragrance, and I'm trying to steer him in the direction of classics, rather than the stuff they sell in the drugstore!
Kevin, you made me laugh very hard. I'll look forward to your comparison review. I don't understand why CSP discontinued The. It had such character. Maybe that's why?
It also had the most killer sillage I've ever smelled in a fragrance.
What a great piece of writing! A “head-note ache” hahahah! Now I want to sniff the neck of the old Monsieur!
YES! That is the old Monsieur Balmain! I hope your son loves it…did you read the NYT Style article this week about younger men and their love of more adventurous fragrance? SOME things in the world are improving! HA! K
Genius post!
I haven't smelled either of the Balmains, but I find myself rooting for Monsieur and trying to be stoic (but failing) about his loss. I do, however, have and adore both Kyoto and The. The is actually the only scent DH has ever purchased for me (he let me know early on that he is *much* happier if I buy my presents for myself and then tell him what fantastic taste he has). It was a wildly lucky choice as I adore it and am definitely in deep mourning over its discontinuation. Look forward to your review of it.
Maria: SO TRUE about CSP The's sillage…I don't think I ever wore it without someone commenting on it…always positively! Just last week I wore it (so little left!) as I gave a gallery talk at the museum. After the tour a woman came running to me: “I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION!” Nope, it was not about African masks, Frida Kahlo or a mummy, it was “WHAT IS YOUR PERFUME. I LOVE IT!” So why DID CSP discontinue it???? K
Thanks; I'm sure old M Balmain would love to have his neck sniffed..and appreciated. K
Elle: I'm still kicking myself for not buying SEVERAL bottles of The. I just thought it was so great it would NEVER be discontinued. Now I've learned my lesson…some houses discontinue things at a rapid pace. CSP seems to be one such house. I wonder if I offered to work for them a year without pay they would mix me a batch? Yes, it would be a sacrifice to live and work in Paris…but….K
Uh oh, MezzoDiva is responsible for my impulse buy of the day. I had looked on eBay earlier just out of curiosity, and as soon as I read this I went back and bought another set from the same seller (apparently they originally had 4 sets of this gift package). Hopefully the quality is ok. I usually hate buying things unsniffed, but discontinued (or “updated”) scents really bring out the urge to be compulsive. We'll see. Thanks Kevin, and thanks (I think) MezzoDiva.
Hope it works out! K
LOL! Hard to believe I could beat anyone on this site to the punch, but I hope for all our sakes that the quality of this set is good (I do note there is only ONE set left on the seller's site; he should pay NST a commission!). I must confess to a weakness for older fragrances on eBay, and so far my luck has been extremely good (just finished the last of an ancient Molinard jasmine perfume that was fantastic to the last drop).
You even had me scouring the site, hoping, against hope, that a CSP The had showed up. HA! No luck! K
What a story! Entertaining, craving-inducing, a lovely read. Those two are the only Balmain's I've never had a chance to try. And now, you're making want some so bad – I want to dab it, spritz it, bathe in it, heck, even drink it with all that lemon in it (must be the heat induced delirium that's making me say this). But honestly, those notes sound so lovely!
And what an interesting way of telling the story not from our perspective, but from the perspective of the poor, discontinued perfume (I feel my heart palpitating along with poor Monsieur's).
You should really do it and publish it somewhere! I think it's a brilliant idea to describe the scents by personifying (is that how you say it in English?) them.
LL: It would be a fun task: “The Perfumed Cabinet of Mr X”. My 'audience' would certainly be small, though SELECT! K
S: Hot weather DOES induce lemon cravings. I think the only Balmain left that I have to try is BalMan…if you're still around: was it any good? K
Thank you, that was a wonderful post! I like the idea of the fragrances chatting away on the shelf. I think I would have a cat fight between my Agent Provocateur and Bandit!
I don't know much about men's perfumes, I never have anyone to buy them for, but now I'm about to buy a new one for my Dad's birthday and I haven't got a clue where to start.
He's worn Farenheit since it came out, and before that he wore Tabac, so I don't want to scare him with something that much different to what he's used to. Also, I live far from good shops, which means I will be buying online. I know this might not be the place for it, but does anyone have any tips? He's in his late 50's.
Trikkirikki: I'm just thinking off the top of my head here, but these are interesting without being “scary”! HA! Annick Goutal Eau de Monsieur (a classic warm woody citrus), and reviewed on this site: Bijan for Men, Guerlain Vetiver, Terre d'Hermes, Caron L’Anarchiste. I'm also a BIG lover of Etro Sandalo (sandalwood) and Etro Vetiver. K (PS: this is the PERFECT place to ask for perfume advice…you just get more than you bargained for!)
PS Trikkirikki: Another one I forgot (this could go on all day): Hermes Equipage. Also, if your father is VERY PICKY you may want to buy a bunch of samples from a place like http://www.aedes.com or http://www.luckyscent.com and give them to your father with a cute card saying: “Valid for ONE bottle of your choice.” Also, you may know this, but to find out what men are saying about scents http://www.basenotes.com is a good site, though the men posting on that site are on the “young” side I believe. Kevin
Thanks Kevin, that was quick!
I'm hoping to find some of the ones you suggested to sniff, but I have a hunch that there aren't any Guerlain at all in my tiny (Swedish) town to find. I know I'll find them online though!
I searched the web for some woodsy florals, but he ones I found all seems so young and common; Paul Smith Pour Homme, Lanvin L'Homme, Kenzo Air, Burberry Touch & Paco Rabanne XS. What are your views on these? I'm pretty sure they will be avaliable for sniffing in a shop near me.
Thanks again for your suggestions, I will definitly look into them!
The first men's by Dolce&Gabbana comes to my mind (called “pour homme”, easy to find, blue velvety packaging, light yellow juce). I read somewhere they are not very popular round here…;-) t's similarly “dominant” as Fahrenheit, it has a tobacco note, it's quite classic and very sexy. It's one of my favourites, although it's a rather linear, probably not very natural perfume. I never met anyone who did not like it on me, never. D&G have gone very commercial, but they are one of the last big totally independent fashion houses and in the beginning they did great stuff. This one's wonderfully mediterranean, with a hesperides head. Intoxicatingly heavy right from the start: lavender-lavender-lavender with clary sage and I smell almond, although it's listed nowhere. It's a bit spicy with Cardamom, Tarragon & Pepper. Bitter-sweet, but gorgeous when applied with care… the base notes include sandal, cedar, tobacco, tonka. For me one of the best mainstream perfumes ever, easy to wear but dominant.
Trikkirikki: Sorry if I squeeze in between. Most of those you mentioned are quite “airy”. I think if he liked Tobacco and Fahrenheit it should be something heavier. I agree, Equipage is a great idea, Kevin. As a hesperide I'd also propose Guerlain Habit Rouge. I wear it as Eau de Toilette Légère, which is more floral with Neroli.
this was a respond to Trikkirikki… I'm always embarrassed when my comment looks so long in the blog…
Not a problem Lars, I'm grateful and open to all ideas! Thank you for your suggestions, I think I could easily fins me a tester of D&G in my town.
I can't beleive how hard it is to find shops with a decent fragrance stock here in my home town, let alone all towns in Sweden that are smaller than our three large cities. It's like scent desert here, and all I can do is read this blog and dream of Nordstroms or wherever it is you go. I know I can send for sample packs, but even then the delivery charge is hideous!
Anyway, thanks again, I'm sure I'll find the perfect fragrance for Daddy with your help.
LL: not a problem, that's what blogs are for!
T: Didn't realize you were in Sweden! Indeed, the charges for samples from the US would be horrible! If you can, let me know what you end up buying for your father…and if he likes it! K
Heh, a cute puppet show thingy going on there.
Alongwith M. Balmain, acquire Signoricci, Creed Bois de Cedrat, and Geo F. Trumpers GFT and your lemon needs will be fulfilled
Indeed, these are superb !
Trikkirikki: Just one more spicy warm, I only got compliments for: Salvatore Ferragamo pour Homme (1999), their first (red packaging). By Polge, was very successful. Modern head (Grapefruit, fig leaves) on classic base (Vetiver, Sandal etc.) Very original but understated and easy to wear.
Oh boo! I used to love Monsieur Balmain.
*going back to bed*
Sorry Bela: ignorance IS bliss! K
Kevin, that was a wonderful dialogue post! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. A wonderful and studied observation which I wholeheartedly agree with.
Desmond
Thanks Desmond…still mourning the OLD Monsieur!
Kevin
Monsieur Balmain sounds very appealing to someone called Santemon (the nickname is a putting together of two of my favourite notes, Santal or Sandalwood and Lemon – there my secret's out!) Should I search out the vintage one or is the latest version a good place to start? I note Mr. Turin says the reformulation by Calice Becker is faithful to the vintage and he highlights these two very notes (lemons and sandalwood) as being features of the scent.
Santemon: I don't think the new and old Monsieur Balmains smell alike … I prefer the older version, but I have a bottle of the new version too that I like to wear on hot days. Start with the new one I'd say…you don't want to get attached to the old one now do you?
Thank you Kevin… I will wait my exploration of this scent I think. A sudden cold snap has descended upon Sydney and the new MB somehow doesn't feel right for now.
Hi Kevin: this review is a masterpiece, and inspired me to buy M. Balmain unsniffed. You know, for those casual Fridays in Miami, tho I work in Boston. And the fragrance is just as outstanding as your review! So in my case it’s: Belly Laugh …. psssssssst …. “layering” HA! … psssssssssssssst … “clogged nozzle”guffaw, snort … pssssssssssssst ……AHHHHH!
Dzingnut: THANK YOU..and glad you enjoy Monsieur!
Does anyone know how the original MB was supplied?
Did it come as a spray as well as a splash?
Thank you. (and I’ve used the above dialogue to convince more than one seller that the formulation was, indeed, changed!
When I bought it, it was in a pour bottle only.
I love Monsieur Balmain (the original of course. Yes it was a glass yellow bottle with a black cap and the smell was delicious.
Why did they change the fragrance?
Fantastic Kevin!