As a kid, I once sat on a curb with my grandmother and announced that when I was 22 years old I would be finished learning. I’d just memorized the stages of formal education — kindergarten, first grade, and on up through college — and now I knew when my schooling would be over.
Grandma laughed. “Honey, you never stop learning.”
This truth has been driven home lately as I’ve visited an 85-year-old friend every few weeks. She’s just discovered perfume. Eleanor (not her real name) has an acute aesthetic honed by her years as a Pan Am stewardess and living in the Congo, Taipei and Paris with her now-deceased husband, a CIA operative. Her apartment is an oasis of calm colors with something interesting everywhere you look: intricate silk rugs, an 18th-century gilded frame mirror with hand-carved bevels, ancient statues of the Buddha, candlesticks with Baccarat bobeches, a collection of Chinese opium pipes, and books everywhere. Eleanor herself is elegant but warm and can hold forth on subjects ranging from Asian art to the symphony. But until lately, her experience with perfume was limited to Jean Patou Joy, which she hadn’t worn in years.
“If you’re open, things happen to you,” Eleanor says. She’s also repeated my grandmother’s insistence that you never stop learning.1 When she discovered that I wrote about perfume, she wanted to know more, and I jumped at the chance to pay back just a bit of what she's taught me. She said she liked wood and spice, so I brought her samples of Amouage Epic Woman, Cartier L’Heure Mystérieuse (I thought she might want to try incense, too) and Providence Perfume Co. Samarinda. (Note for anyone bringing samples to the elderly: atomizers are easier than vials for arthritic fingers to use.)
It hasn’t been the reputation of perfumers or names of notes that have intrigued Eleanor, but simply the act of fine-tuning her sense of smell and enjoying the nuances she's teased from the fragrances. She says perfume makes her feel “dressed” now. Some of her comments are about how strong or long-lasting a perfume is, but mostly she seems to relish the new dimension of sense she’s exploring.
I get that. For me, the fun of perfume is not whether I can identify cashmeran at a whiff or distinguish between Indian and French jasmine, but it’s how I stretch my ability to smell and fully appreciate the dimensions of a fragrance as it unfolds and eventually fades on my skin. It’s not about sniffing with the acuity of a bloodhound, but it’s about building the experience to recognize a perfume’s character and beauty, and to really enjoy it.
Lots of people brag that they’re sensitive to odors and have a keen sense of smell. I trust those people to detect gas leaks, but I don’t necessarily assume they’ve paid enough attention to smell to appreciate the funky, refined beauty of Christian Dior Miss Dior.2 Learning about fragrance is new territory for many people, no matter their age.
As for Eleanor, she can’t seem to get enough of Epic Woman and Aftelier Cuir de Gardenia. On my next visit, my decant of Epic Woman will go with me.
1. Other bits of Eleanor’s wisdom include, “Never clear a plate before everyone’s stopped eating” and “Take care of your feet.” She lives moderately but enjoys the occasional cocktail with a fancy lunch, and she is much more up-to-speed on the latest novels and films than I am.
2. I’m talking about the real Miss Dior, of course, or what they’re calling “the original” now.
Couldn’t agree more that keeping an open mind to new experiences and ideas is the *key* to always learning! One of the traits I admire so much in the perfumista community is the openmindedness and willingness to explore and PLAY! I think for many of us, it truly feels like a new world–like being exposed to music for the first time–and a persistent willingness to try things–scrubbers and all!!–keeps us coming back for more.
Such fun whenever we can enjoy the entrée into discovery with anyone–let alone someone for whom we have respect and from whom we’ve learned so much! That must be very rewarding.
You are so right that keeping an open mind and play are such vital parts of learning. The people I’ve met through NST are pretty amazing that way. And yes, it’s super rewarding to be able to share perfume.
I agree with you about playing. For so many reasons from social, economic, job, health, family, etc, we can get locked into routines, wardrobe choices, limited daily experiences. But fragrance is definitely a way to “try on” so many different experiences, explore our inner lives, and meet people (via blogs). I consider fragrance to be like virtual jewelry that I can wear as I like every day. Fragrance play is a conversation between myself and other like minded folks (via blogs) about art, culture, and elegance that can fill that craving as much as I can participate. I have no money to travel or to eat out at interesting restaurants, but fragrance certainly allows for the playing with scents and “flavors” from around the world.
“Virtual jewelry” is brilliant! (I think Elizabeth Taylor would have loved that label for perfume, too.)
I love this, Angela! Eleanor sounds awesome. My mother turns 87 next week and I got her started with perfume about seven years ago. She has been a perfume serial monogamist over the years, with Nina Ricci L’air du Temps being the scent I most closely identify with her. Mom, like Eleanor, hadn’t worn perfume in years but now she has a box of decants – I color coded the tops and there is a corresponding chart so that she can find what she wants quickly; also like Eleanor, she enjoys discovering that “new dimension of scent”. It’s been such fun for me to share my hobby with her! Her favorites are Commes des Garcons 2 and Amouage Opus IV. Enjoy your time with Eleanor 🙂
Oh, PS – one of my favorite bits of mom wisdom is her view of aging, “the parade only goes one way”.
How great that she calls life a “parade,” though!
That’s fabulous! Color coding is such a good idea, too. I love it that she’s into Comme des Garcons.
What a great person to know.
I really do feel lucky to get to spend time with her.
You have such interesting encounters! I love Eleanor’s openness and her willingness to learn from the young ones :-). I bet she has a book or two or three in her having traveled extensively and with her husband being a former CIA operative – intriguing for sure. My aunt has a friend in Vermont whose husband also worked in intelligence although the subject of perfume never came up. My maternal grandmother was an avid gardener and used to plant all sorts of stuff in her yard and in giant flower pots almost as tall as her situated in pairs near every door (her house had 4 facing the outside and 4 facing an inner courtyard). If she were alive today, I bet we would have the love of perfumes in common ( I don’t have scent memories of her except for her perfumed face powder).
I love the idea of tall flower pots flanking the door! Now you’ve got me thinking about my own front door situation. Hmm.
Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman. It really is rewarding to spend time with older people, I find. They have so many stories and so much wisdom–and sometimes some crankiness to go with it, but that might simply be from giving up suffering fools.
Eleanor sounds amazing. I am lucky that a wonderful and vivacious 80 something woman works for me, and everyone adores her at the library. I always joke that I want to be like her when I grow up! I can only imagine what she was like when she was young (likely a total spitfire!), and observe that she has more charisma that many much younger people I know. I can’t stand when people act as if their life is over when they are X age. Age is irrelevant to living a full life, and I am lucky to come from a family that is always looking ahead to what can be done next. I think it is wonderful that you have brought fragrances into Eleanor’s life. Smell is truly a universe in its own right that can be explored internally and externally. It is such a joy to be able to discover new experiences with someone you really care about.
Amen Ann, I couldn’t agree with you more…you are on-spot. Thanks for the insightful post…I have had the same thoughts but never posted them.
And another Amen from me!
I love the sound of your colleague! One of the advantages of years of experience on this planet just might be that you gain the courage to be yourself–thus, the spitfire personality.
She really is a true grit spit fire. Her husband left her and two daughters in the 40s. It’s easy to think of a single mom these days, but back then – what choices she must have faced! And yet she is so vivacious and confident, and never bitter about anything. She is all love and brains. She is the kind of person that makes everyone feel good when they walk into the room, which is something we should all aspire to. It is too easy these days for us to be complacent and ill-mannered, and as women, take our modern advantages for granted.
“All love and brains” has to be one of the best descriptions of someone I’ve heard! Something to aspire to, even.
And never stop exploring!
I really admire Eleanor, and that you are introducing her to perfume. Actually, she sounds like she could be one of your characters – or, how about her mysterious (and imaginary) daughter? 😉
Yes! She could be the secret mastermind behind a ring of diamond heists. Her compatriots at the home for seniors could use their skills buffing off serial number, laundering cash, sweet talking society matrons, etc., to get a real big operation going. No one can figure out how they can afford to serve vintage Champagne in the cafeteria…
And the fragrant detective notices how great they smell, and wonders how they’ve managed to afford Amouage. 😉 I love it – but I’d never want them to get caught!
I know! We’d have to have them only stealing from the undeserving and donating their proceeds to an orphanage or to save stray dogs or something.
This post was very timely for me! I was just thinking about a very closely related topic. Mostly, I think I’ve reached an age when, once upon a time, I thought I would have EVERYTHING figured out by now. My career, my family, everything else all settled…and now I am starting to realize, as your grandmother said, I’ll never stop learning! And it may take me a bit longer to learn enough about myself to get everything else in life figured out, too 🙂
Eleanor sounds wonderful, and I am touched and inspired that she is able to share in the fun of discovering perfume later (but not too late!) in her life.
One of the things I’m learning with time is that pretty much all my youthful expectations of life have gone out the window. Of course, better things have taken their place, and I can’t imagine it any other way! It’s just so important to take life as it comes and appreciate it. And, as Eleanor says, be open.
I once spent about six weeks living in a retirement community as my grandparents were moved into nursing care. It was – by far – one of the most meaningful periods of my life, and that was largely because of the amazing people I met while there. Beyond our shared reference points of classic films, Billie Holiday and Marx Brothers’ jokes, the richness of their experiences and personalities just drew me in, and we shared wonderful times and conversation. I’d still rather spend time with a group of “old” people, listening to their stories, than just about anything else.
One woman in particular told how she had decided to live her life when she left home on a train at 16: she said that no matter what happened, she would find four good things in each day, and even if it had to be four pieces of candy, she was going to make sure it happened. I’ve tried to incorporate that rule into my life as much as I can, and to my mind, one sniff of perfume certainly qualifies (which brings me to something like 30 lovely things a day based on scent alone – I count myself very lucky.)
Congratulations on a beautiful and rewarding friendship, Angela. Eleanor sounds like my kind of girl.
I wish we could have coffee and talk about those six weeks! They sound marvelous, and I know you must have good stories to share. “Four good things a day” is a truly great rule.
Great perspectives, ihadanidea! I’m going to try your four good things rule.
Today’s good things so far: wrote with a purring cat in my lap; had two excellent cups of coffee; had a glorious bike ride to work.
Mine – perfume, morning tea, a self-imposed thirty minutes of rest at work, and some creamy hummus with crackers as a snack just now.
Thanks to food, those four good things a day just gets easier…
It really enriches your life, when you remember to do it…which I don’t always. But I try.
Always a pleasure to read your posts, dear Angela. Quite an interesting character, madame Eleanor, and impeccable taste! I can see her wearing Samsara. Lots of it. And being gracefully fabulous 🙂 Thanks for the reading!
Oh, Samsara is a great idea! I bet she’d like that. I’ll make a sample for her for my next visit.
Was there an era when perfume minis were handed out as gifts on aircraft, or am I imaging that? Might have coincided with Eleanor’s career. Oddly enough, on a Singapore Airlines flight recently, the little pouch with the socks had ‘Givenchy’ on it. Didn’t know that Givenchy went in for socks!
I seem to remember a Patou Pan Am, but that might have been sold duty free. Patou Normandie was given out on a cruise ship. I’ll ask her about the toiletries they gave out–it would be interesting. I know that the Pan Am stewardesses used to serve breakfast to order, you know, “I’d like my eggs over easy with two slices of toast” sort of thing. Amazing.
I can remember receiving a Joop! mini (the original masculine) in a Lufthansa in-flight toiletry kit in the 1990s. I’ve found a couple of airline fragrance sets on ebay, too, including a delightful Air France Rochas set (small bottles of Madame Rochas and Femme) fitted into a cute vinyl carrier printed with the Femme lace pattern. Also, a TWA set with small bottles of Caron Nocturnes and 3me Homme (just cardboard for Caron/TWA). I think these were for 1st class.
Wow! That’s amazing! First, what fabulous fragrances. Next, can you imagine how people would flip out today if you splashed on some Femme mid-flight?
LOL, especially the more cuminous versions! 😉
Great story Angela. Thanks so much. I had to look up “bobeches”, so you and Eleanor taught me something new as well!
I love that word. Bobeche. I wish I could figure out how to work that word into more conversations, but it’s a challenge.
My mother-in-law has a friend who worked for Pan Am. She is in her early seventies now. She left Pan Am decades ago, after receive what she calls her “fat money.” Pan
Am humiliated the flight attendants (“stewardesses” back then) over their weight. The employees sued and won. She didn’t get enougandh to be set for life. She has great stories about the celebrites that she met, including a liaison with Ricardo Montalban, and her refusal , as an animal lover, to take Elton John’s fur coat when he tried to hand it to her.
Sorry about the typos — damn phone!
It happens to all of us!
Oh, I bet her stories are fabulous. One of the stories I heard was that Joan Crawford made all the flight attendants use the latrine at the rear of the plane. Vincent Price, on the other hand, was supposedly delightful.
My friend, George, died last year, two months after his 95th birthday. He’d known me since I was 20, for 43 years. He was another only child and he was always my champion and greatest fan. He had all his marbles and lived alone in his stately home till two months before the end. Only children grow up in a world of adults so maybe that’s why I have enjoyed the company of my elders for their wisdom and their interesting stories. George’s wife had been my friend too. They had found me a source of amusement and I was always loyal with my phone calls and visits. She died 7 1/2 years before him and was about 7 years his junior. She left me a beautiful yellow, cut crystal, perfume bottle that is probably Czechoslovakian. She had also given me a Joy bottle that her boss had brought her from Paris.
Marjorie is 93 and lives up the street. She has a house full of knick knacks and is a delightful old gal. I visit her when I’m dog-sitting a black lab and she is thrilled to have the company. Her friend who lived across the street died a year and a half ago at the age of 100. I remember Miss Simpson walking up and down the street at the age of 97 with her 2010 Olympic mitts on. She was tireless.
Rona, the perfume bottle lady, has thousands, not hundreds of bottles, and I help her categorize them for sale on the internet. She’s 78, open-minded, generous, and a voracious reader.
The common thread with all these “old” people is that they have all their marbles and the lemons into lemonade philosophy.
There are two others in my neighbourhood that I visit with the dog too. Both are eternally sunny folk. Everything is okay and they are positive in attitude.
You have truly learned how wonderful it is to spend time with older people! And what amazing friends you have for it, too. I especially notice how you remark that the one thing that ties them together are their marvelous, upbeat attitudes. That’s truly something to try to replicate.
Amazing. I wish I could meet them all.
I would much rather hang out with someone who is seventy than someone who is seven. I love listening to people talk about their lives. Everyone has a story to tell.
“Early Bird” by Rodney Rothman is a funny memoir about a young man who moves to a retirement community in Florida.
Early Bird went to straight to my “to read” list. Thank you!