"Hello," I said as I stood up from my folding metal chair in the church basement. "My name is Angela, and I'm a cranky perfumista." It was the weekly meeting of Cranky Perfumistas Anonymous, and around me sat a dozen or so men and women sharing my predicament: they were recovering perfume snobs. The group leader thanked me and then said, "Is there anything you'd like to share today?"
"Yes," I said, "This has been a really tough week for me. You see, I have to do a review of Lanvin Rumeur 2 Rose, a limited edition Rumeur flanker."
The group started groaning, and Doris, an ex-Chanel sales associate who quit when Chance came out, took a small tester vial from her pocket. "Doris!" the group leader said, "Are you sneaking whiffs of Cuir de Russie parfum again? You know that's not allowed during meetings. Here, we are accepting of all perfumes, even if they aren't niche, vintage, or beloved by Luca Turin." Doris slid the vial back into her pocket but I noticed that she pretended to scratch her nose while she sniffed the residue on her finger.
"Now, Angela, please go on. You were telling us that your perfume acceptance is challenged by reviewing Rumeur 2 Rose."
"Well, I did a review of Lanvin Rumeur a few weeks ago, and I really didn't like it," I said.
"No duh," said Todd, a trucker with a predilection for Hermès.
"The editor at Now Smell This asked me if I wanted to review the new flanker, and — she's really nice!" I said quickly as hisses of "Sadist!" and "Meanie!" rose here and there. "And I said I'd do it, because I need to broaden my mind about perfume and not be such a snob. After all, lots of the vintage perfumes I love today were plain old department store scents in their day."
"That's a very good reminder for all of us," the group leader said. "Why don't you tell us something about Rumeur 2 Rose."
Tracy, who has been going to Cranky Perfumistas Anonymous meetings for years and who has even had enough success to start a modest collection of Avon aftershave bottles shaped like cars, seemed interested in Rumeur 2 Rose, so I looked at her while I talked. "Rumeur 2 Rose is Rumeur's first flanker. The Lanvin public relations machine says that it is a 'crisp, luminous interpretation of the original Rumeur fragrance, tailor-made for glamorous and spontaneous women!'" Here I make an exclamation point with my fingers so everyone gets it. "It also says it's an 'irresistible, sparkling citrus cocktail' and that Rumeur 2 Rose's notes include 'citron, orange, bergamot, green notes, grapefruit, pear, rose, lily of the valley, honeysuckle, musk, and amber'." Me, all I smell is tangerine and nectarine overlaid with a milky, light, clean musk, and ending with a vague rosy note." I've been pretty controlled up until now. "I just can't believe that people would spend good money on such an insubstantial fragrance! It doesn't even last two hours on my skin!" I say in frustration.
"Angela!" the group leader said. "Take a breath. There, that's better. Now tell us what's good about Rumeur 2 Rose. Remember, we're all here for you." She gestured around the room at the group's members, many of whom were rolling their eyes or holding their noses in sympathy with me.
"Well, I like it better than the original Rumeur. It's not offensive. It doesn't give me a migraine," I say.
"Anything else?"
"It would make a great scent for a shampoo," I reply, wracking my brain trying to think of something positive.
"Anything else?" the group leader asks.
"It probably won't be on the market for long. Maybe six months? And then it will shoot straight to discounters."
The group leader looked disapprovingly at me, but I knew it was all for show. After all, on the floor next to her, her purse gaped open. And there in the bottom, next to her cell phone and a dozen or so tattered scent strips, was a bottle of Lanvin My Sin.
Lanvin Rumeur 2 Rose is available in 30, 50 and 100 ml Eau de Parfum.
Awww, this was a gem to read.
This article is a riot from start to finish! When I read that Doris had left Chanel WHEN Chance came out, I first took it to mean BECAUSE it came out!!! I thought the new Rumeur was interesting although it would be good to try the old one for comparison. Along with Scandale, Pretexte, and My Sin, they sure had great names way back in the thirties.
I'm glad you liked it!
That's just what I was thinking when I wrote it (poor Doris)!
The old Rumeur is a completely different scent than the new one. I love those old Lanvin names, too, especially My Sin.
Thanks!
Mamabear, your “all over the map” looks to me pretty refined. Let me know when you crack out that bottle of Coty Vanilla Fields and we won't keep a seat open for you at the Cranky Perfumistas Anonymous meeting…
I giggled all the way through this. Um, I am pretty sure I won't be smelling this one if I can avoid it.
Although now I can't resist asking — are there any crap, lowbrow mainstream scents you like, maybe even enough I might find a bottle on your shelf? Go ahead, whisper it, I won't tell anyone…
Angela,
LOVE the format of your review! Looking forward to many more.
Trailer trash blood flows through my veins, March. Give me a bottle of Tigress and a ten dollar bill and you won't see me 'til dawn.
Jovan Musk and Love's Baby Soft are pretty nice, too.
Angie, you are a godgiven for comedy, honestly, I was laughing all along! It's amazing how deftly, with a stroke or two, you flesh out the characters of Doris, Tracy and, of course, group leader, and bring them to life.
But you, a perfume snob? Please…
D, you are so nice! I feel like such a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with my snob tendencies. One part of me is downing boxes of macaroni and cheese while the other part is scoffing at the lady buying out of season asparagus shipped in from Mexico. As Whitman said, “I contain multitudes…” True for all of us, I guess.
Heh heh. Let's get together on the boardwalk with some Sand & Sable and a 6-pack. I know some bad boys…
The whole article was funny and witty, just like the author :), but I admit, I guffawed at Todd the trucker (closet Hermes addict).
By the way…I'm right there with ya on the Tigress and the ten spot. I'll spring for the skin tight NASCAR tee shirts, torn up to the midriff and we can stop by Truvy's to get us some big hair.
Bring Todd along, we can do an intensive intervention.
I'll bring the wine coolers…
Oh boy, I'd better take a nap now to get ready for a big night! (A nap and some abdominal crunches–not sure if I'm quite up to the Daisy Duke style shirt yet.)
Well, I did go on a Jean Nate Splash kick one (recent) summer…still can't figure that one out. I think it was my first summer with the 6-Hitch Classic (draft horses) and I needed something to keep me fresh-smellin' that wouldn't stress out the horses. JN worked and like its buddy Avon SkinSoSoft, it's great for keeping horse flies at bay. And let's face it, if you're going to be in a stable all afternoon, in 80F weather, rollin' horse tails into little buns, Eau d'H seems a little 'much':-)
Angela, you are fabulous. What an intelligent and funny article!
*takes a sniff of her wrist*
I love “fresh-smellin' that wouldn't scare the horses”! And you're right, Eau d'Hermes would be too much. Jean Nate sounds perfect.
Thank you! *sniffing wrist, too*
*flicks Bic, waves arms in air*
Brilliance.
Also: Truth.
LOL, cute!
And I want to smell a clean rose.
But I am honestly looking for something that doesn't last too long on my skin :)because I am horribly fickle and like to wear different things on any given day
Oh well, I will give it a try after it goes to the discounters maybe.
haha, you really made CPA (cranky perfumistas anonymous) come alive. this was priceless!
Angela, this is a terrific and very fun read, thanks so much!
So when's the next meeting?
That is so funny! Well done! :>
Just don't put him in Polo, I implore you!!!;-p KevinS knows my issues with the whole Polo/ sillage thing (also known to occur in users of Pierre Cardin, which smells a whole lot like Raid to me:-) – do they use too much or is it just…?
My DH is a machinist and when I can I throw some Bond No 9 Bleecker St at him – smells right nice and makes the shop smell purty, too!
We'll keep the Polo on the shelf and go for something really classy, like Old Spice (love Old Spice–reminds me of my father).
Thank you!
I wouldn't call Rumeur 2 Rose a “clean” rose, really, but more of a fruity, milky rose, with the citrus and milk weighing in more heavily than the rose. For a more straightforward (and very pretty) rose, have you tried Stella?
Thank you! It was all too close to home….
You're very welcome!
Everyday, darlin'–everyday that I ponder the massive bowl of samples on my dresser.
I'm glad you liked it!
HAHAHAHA! I needed a good laugh and scarily accurate portrayal of…let's say…doing the program. Which I'd fail in a second.
Chanel – I just give up on them. The “Homme” article is so accurate- it smells like NJ industrial.
Low brow favorites – “Charlie” on a good hot day with my hair up. I feel Sassy! And if I really really feel extremely tack-ah – “Youth Dew” in the winter, faux fur coat, sunglasses, getting of at JFK. Of course, I always get lost there, so it sort of loses it's punch.
Angela, thank you so much for the great piece:) I enjoyed it thoroughly! You have a gift of getting to the gist of things, and doing it in a hilarious way!
And: so true. About selective snobbery, especially:) I myself wear Converse shoes and jeans, but look down upon nicely dressed people who smell.. just wrong. How dare they when here I am, wearing my Jardin en Meditteranee… (But really, I am yearning for a bottle of GAP Grass… Just don't tell anyone:) )
I love Youth Dew (and I love your visual), but Charlie is too much for me. I had a Charlie overdose once at a formative time, and a whiff of the Charlie girl sends me for Alka Seltzer.
I know–if you could see me now, sitting among the piles of old papers at my beat-up desk and wearing horrible old sheepskin slippers that should have gone out with the trash years ago, you'd scratch your head that I even know the word “snob”.
And I'll bring the macaroni & cheese takeaway. We'll sit on the curb bitching about the passers-by having *such* poor taste in perfume and clothes…
I think everybody loves Old Spice, me included! It still smells good. My DH has a bottle from 1962, it looks like (the conical shaped aftershave in ivory, with the ship motif on it)…and while I'm afraid for him to use that particular juice (I dunno about 40yr old aftershave;-p) I think I might buy him a new bottle ..just 'cuz!
Loved it Angela, poor you.. Maybe Rumeur 2 Rose is good as a footspray..;p
Whenever I see the Eclat Arpege bottle in that weird acrylic transparant box I feel so annoyed. And now shortly after the release of Rumeur already a flanker…that is way too soon… How it this box? Another transparant thing? How tasteless.
It's a date!
I use 40-year old scent from time to time, and so far it hasn't taken off any skin. But there's nothing like a brand new Old Spice soap on a rope.
I haven't seen the packaging for it, except for the photo that's posted with this review. I like the bottle, though. I'm not sure what its box looks like.
The box is pretty standard – heavy cardboard, pale pink with the logo written all about in darker pink and gold. I tossed it the other day; probably should have kept it.
I sort of, kind of like the Rumeur 2 Rose. Meaning, I sampled it and was pleasantly surprised and didn't wash it off immediately. But I did end up washing it off, of course. Rose is not for me. Except for Stella, of course.
I know what you mean–it's not bad, it's just not great, and there are so many better scents out there.
Stella is a nice rose. I used to spray it on my sheets when I changed them.
*happy sigh*
Angela, I think I sort of, kind of, like it because it's a vast improvement over the new Rumeur. lol
Great review! You had me laughing and wanting MORE~!
most entertaining review ive read this year so far!
I am a young (22), budding perfumista. I spent my day searching for something to alternate with my D&G Light Blue, Mark Jacobs Ivy and and Bulgari Black (so as not to tire of them). Went looking for sommet fresh, feminine, maybe a little fruity? Perhaps even a little bit “niche.” I think I'm ready for “niche”!
Things didn't go as planned. The AdParma's I tried weren't quite right. Un Jardin sur le Nil dried down to a scent reminiscent of the lemon zest car air freshener my Aunty always used to put in her Datsun. Chanel's Cristalle didn't speak to me at all!
The resulting purchase? Ralph Lauren Romance. I have strayed so far, so soon!
I'm glad you like it. It definitely is fresh and pretty, and just might be perfect for what you want.
A happy sigh is good!
You haven't strayed at all–you're doing just what any perfumista worth her salt does and trying lots of things. Have fun at it!
How about that Bulgari Black? Isn't that a great one?
Great review! I didn't think that could be sustained for a whole article, but you did a great job!
tdrps, maybe you will like Creed, Springflower as a niche scent. It is lovely, feminine and so right for spring
I love Bvlgari Black! I don't wear it on me, because it's not 'quite right' on my skin, but I love it on my husband. Perfect on his skin.
Nope, but now I will
It's one of my favorites–your husband must smell great.
Nice suggestion.
Sometimes gimmicks can get a little, well, gimmicky, but I'm glad you thought I pulled it off. It's a great exercise to write for a quick 500 words and keep the focus.
Let me know what you think of it.
Freakin' hilarious review, and now you've got me so intrigued that I've got to hunt down a bottle and try it. Brava!
Yes, please try it! Citrus, milky musk, vague rose. That's the story on Rumeur 2 Rose on me.
will do
I have been meaning to try it. I think I like the bottle!
Fantastic! But I'm going to be bad now and slip off the program.
I am desperately searching for “Tabac Blonde”. I just can't find it online. My father gave it to my mother when they got together.
Help!
A decant, anything…….
ChollaQueen –
Have you tried Perfumed Court? http://www.theperfumedcourt.com (I think)
You can order this directly from the Caron boutique in NYC, or from Bergdorf Goodman or Henri Bendel. It's very well-known & they al carry it. I adore this scent!
I love Tabac Blond! One of my favorites. As mambear says, the Perfumed Court undoubtedly has decants, but you can also call the Caron store in NYC and order a sample, too. I know some perfume stores carry the EdP, too–The Perfume House near me in Portland does, for instance.
Which one of you wears the Ambush?
Only the vintage Ambush–the reformulation smells terrible.