Sécrétions Magnifiques burst (seeped? dripped? spurted?) onto the perfume scene in 2006. Though I’ve been intrigued by many Etat Libre d’Orange perfume descriptions, I’ve not had any luck with the fragrances. The perfumes are usually rather mild compared to their PR claims, names and artwork. On its packaging, Je suis un Homme features a handgun with the barrel in the shape of a firm penis, but it smells like Hermès Bel Ami — calm, reserved and a tad conservative. The woman Rossy de Palma is bold and quirky; her eponymous Etat Libre d’Orange fragrance is an Eau d’Italie Paestum Rose clone. Tom of Finland? About as raunchy as an éclair. Belatedly, I’ve found that Sécrétions Magnifiques does live up, in part, to its name (keep the sécrétions, nix the magnifiques).
Breast milk, blood and semen are but a few of the ‘inspirations’ for Sécrétions Magnifiques. Nourishment, preservation and orgasm comprise the Sécrétions Magnifiques manifesto; the perfume salutes the human body and its fluids. (Please, let’s refrain from commenting too ‘personally’ on the aromas — and flavors — of these bodily fluids. I’m not really interested in anyone’s experiences with such magnificent secretions; my stomach is weak!)
Sécrétions Magnifiques was created by perfumer Antoine Lie and contains an iodized accord (fucus, azurone), adrenalin accord, blood accord, milk accord, iris, coconut, sandalwood and opoponax. Etat Libre d’Orange describes Sécrétions Magnifiques this way: “Like blood, sweat, sperm, saliva, Sécrétions Magnifiques is as real as an olfactory coitus that sends one into raptures…. Masculine tenseness frees a rush of adrenalin…. Tongues and sexes find one another, pleasure explodes and all goes wild. Confusion reigns supreme.”
Sécrétions Magnifiques is offensive (heinous even). It smells like no other perfume I’ve encountered (in a sense, this is high praise in an industry full of sameness and lack of originality). When I wore Sécrétions Magnifiques for the first time, before I noticed scent, I felt sensations: unease, chill, damp, repulsion, queasiness. With these feelings percolating, I began to register the scents of watered-down bleach, infused one minute with “milk” (that quickly curdles) and the next minute with a cheap “fruity” note (a deformed aldehyde? a reject sandalwood molecule?) Sécrétions Magnifiques made me panic: how do I get this stuff off my body?
I asked many people to try Sécrétions Magnifiques and not one of them liked it. My partner says that Sécrétions Magnifiques smells like licking copper wire tastes (I’ll assume he’s been doing some rewiring) and I can understand that; there is a metallic edge to the perfume throughout its development.
On subsequent wearings, Sécrétions Magnifiques's aromas fired up my imagination and inspired several scen(t)arios. Sécrétions Magnifiques smelled like chlorine-soaked nylon swim trunks that had not been washed during a year of wear (between swims, they had been stored in their freakish owner’s freezer — to kill germs and to cool his “privates” in hot weather). I imagined the smell of a cheap pair of plastic flip-flops that had held sweaty feet on many a trek from one end of steamy Bangkok to the other (with fragrance notes of salt, odiferous plastic and wet concrete). Was that a box full of Band-Aids I was smelling…damp with ammonia and imitation vanilla extract? And why not call this perfume “Lab Perp”? The mild mannered technician, seemingly sterile and clothed in white cotton, has a dirty little secret! Wielding a needle, a brush, a swab, he collects ‘samples’ from patients’ anxious bodies…and creates a “Cabinet of Curiosities” dedicated to infirmity, thwarted eternity…an illicit mix of stolen blood, sweat and tears. Lab Perp rubs, tastes, sniffs...!
Sécrétions Magnifiques is a mess — on me, on paper and on fabric…even sprayed into the air it’s loathsome. On the day I forced myself to wear Sécrétions Magnifiques full-on, I ended the day by taking a hot shower with a loofah mitt and a bottle of AXE shower gel (what better product to use to neutralize any earthly odor?) Guess what? Sécrétions Magnifiques survives hot showers, AXE, and energetic scrub-downs but it changes character after contact with soap and water. After a shower, gone are Sécrétions Magnifiques’ medicinal, clinical, cold, “dire,” rotten and acrid odors and out pops a simple, cheap, drugstore perfume made with some discount musk, phony tonka bean and a hint of “atonal” fruit (coconut? peach?)
For $80…this can be yours (in 50 ml Eau de Parfum). For buying information, see the listing for Etat Libre d'Orange under Perfume Houses.
Note: top images of human sperm, human circulatory system and lactose molecule via Wikimedia Commons [all images altered].
Wow, you make this sound SO appealing : D (No thanks.) As you nicely asked for my personal takes on the scent, I’ll refrain.
At any rate, I’ll stick with my Tilda Swinton Like This, a much more palatable Etat offering.
Halimead: Tilda…I can deal with!
Now I will think of Secretions Magnifiques with a rush of affection — not that I’ve ever tried it and nor do I ever plan to, but reading about your experience (better yours than mine ;)) made me chortle at my desk, so I’ve got to love it a little for inspiring such a review!
Chasa: I still get chills thinking I took the vials (VILES) of S.M. in my BAG…if one of them had leaked I’d have to go shopping immediately…eventhing in that bag and the bag itself would have been ruined.
HAHAHAHAA. I’m so glad this was finally reviewed here, and by you, Kevin. I have so many thoughts on this subject and I’m fascinated by SM.
First of all, I’ll respect your wishes not to know about our *personal* olfactory experiences, but I will say that in research on this topic, I’ve been intrigued by an academic paper titled, “Specific anosmia to 1-pyrroline: The spermous primary odor.”
It’s funny, the visceral, *physical* reaction that SM induces, isn’t it? I don’t know that I’ve ever felt that way about a perfume. It’s metallic, yes, but the retch-inducing reaction comes from what I consider its evocation of raw meat or flesh. It’s similar to a nasty feeling I get when I’ve been preparing raw poultry and I need to thoroughly scrub that smell off of my hands and fingers.
Finally, what I can’t imagine is that some people ENJOY wearing this fragrance. Others don’t recoil from it. I wonder if it’s some kind of anosmia. However, I will say that I once applied a generous amount to my arm and the “waft” I got from a distance was a semi-pleasant sort of floral-incense. I discovered there was a zone of maybe 3-4 inches that I could keep my nose from my arm in order to avoid the gagging reaction. It really was a … er… “fun”… experiment. No, really, it was.
Thanks for the review and the laughs. More than a perfume, SM is a party game!
Oh, but I must say that ELdO has made some amazing creations. I am truly in love with Vierges et Toreros and will buy a bottle when my decant is empty. I also was wearing Like This, which I own, yesterday, and I really enjoy a few others. Have you tried Eloge du Traitre? It reminds me a bit of Yatagan.
Joe ii: No, there are still quite a few I need to try
I wear this, and you hit on the reason why. The smell is pretty vile (for most people, me included) close up, but from a short distance away, it smells fairly interesting, so I wear it under my clothes. I mean, who (besides us) actually goes around spraying fragrance on paper strips and holding them up to their nose to smell?
Rick: by “under my clothes” I assume you mean a thick wool fisherman’s sweater, tweed blazer and mink coat? HA! You should try Archives 69….it has certain notes of S.M. but without the really jolting ones.
Joe: true…the farther away the nose is from S.M.-soaked skin the better!
At a gathering recently, I had a bunch of my friends smell this. Oddly, most of the men didn’t get the grossness of this – that bloody metallic odor which made me nearly throw up, they couldn’t not smell. They said it smelled like the ocean! My husband also cannot detect that foulest of scents in that ‘perfume’. On the female side, it was about even – a half nearly puked, the other half not fazed. Very strange indeed. I cannot even bear to sniff ANY ELdO because I can still imagine/smell? that awfulness.
Bloody F: me too… when I hear or read “secretions magnifiques” the memories flood back…and they are not good.
You’re a brave one, Kevin. What this reminds me of? A 1970s van, carpeted in tricolor green shag, taking home a load of porn stars after a day’s shoot on a muggy August day. “Heinous” is definitely the word.
HAHAHAHA!!!!! Yes, yes, yes! That would be a funny commercial for this sh#$. I can’t stand the smell and have a reflexive recoil when I smell it. There is some primitive part of my brain that says, “Not safe, flee!!!”
“a load of porn stars”
You are a sly one, Angela.
Now there is a mental image! I assume they are hirsute 70’s porn stars as well??
FragrantWitch: I’m speaking for Angela but she firmly put HER scenario in pre-waxing days.
Yes, quite hairy. Bad facial hair, too.
hysterical! Porny is a good adj for this vile con”cock”tion…hehe. couldn’t resist…
angela: HA HA! I did feel I deserved some medal or “recognition” after dousing myself in this!
I second Angela. You are brave, Kevin. You and Katie Puckrik. Her on-camera testing of Secretions Magnifiques is unforgettable.
http://www.katiepuckriksmells.com/2010/09/etat-libre-dorange-secretions.html
That is hilarious!
It’s a classic!
yep, my nose makes that little twitch just before I start gagging…
Daisy: Sour stomach in a bottle.
I thought she was going to cringe. but no, she laughs.
and Kevin you sprayed in your HOUSE?
I want to try this now. it cant be much worse than YSL Kouros, that is THE worst smell in the world no joke, and it clings.
oh yeah this is foul. It smells like a dirty hand that has been holding pennies for ages.
Morgan: EW! A good one!
It sounds thoroughly disgusting. But now I can’t wait to give it a try!
Jeremy: eventually we’ll all try it…so have “fun” and join the club.
I’m so glad I never caved to buying a sample of this.
Have you ever gone without washing your jeans for soooooo long that they got . . . .crispy?
Mayk: thankfully my sample was FREE.
I happened to mention SM to a friend of mine and lo and behold at his next cocktail party what do you think was passed around?
He had ordered a bottle and everyone was encouraged to sample
SM. Gay, straight, male, female, most of the men smelled “ocean”
and most of the women were put off. Nobody mentioned blood or semen until after the ingredients were revealed.
Metal, ocean, seaweed, puke and funk guessed as the notes.
Doesn’t smell bad if you drink enough bourbon!
Drink enough bourbon and I can smell like puke all by mahself
LOL!
Bear: the PRIMORDIAL ocean where life materialized perhaps?…. I guess the number of men who think this smells oceanic goes to show how we’ve POLLUTED our seas. Join Greenpeace!
Similar experience with my friends, Bear – how odd that one fragrance provoke two opposite reactions! I’m firmly in the gag-reflex group, that is for sure.
I ordered their entire sample set, and about 50% I hated, 40% I disliked, and 10% I was neutral on. I wouldn’t buy a single one of their perfumes, and only a few I would keep if I was given a bottle. As I remember, this was one I hated.
I felt the same way when I tried the set a year or so ago. I was so intrigued by their backstories and descriptions, but I could not bring myself to wear any of them, especially this one!
I will probably hate myself for going out on this particular limb, but I really like Secretions Magnifiques- after an admittedly odd first half-hour or so of something metallic and bloodlike, SM morphs into a very light floral overlaid with a scent that reminds me of the beach in winter. I am still on the fence avbout buying a bottle- I will say my partner fervently hopes I do not do so
You know, there are some fragrances that do that – they have these weird, puss or sebum undertones, and then they morph into something that blooms. On me, Vivienne Westwood’s “Boudoir” and LesNez’s “Manoumalia” have that slight quality; a ripe body, “human” undertone, that smells natural, but not, necessarily, filthy. But This, this sounds like something else, altogether. A potion of incessant, simmering, body goo :).
I think FM Dans Tes Bras smells like sweaty post-sex body, but I don’t like it. I guess I can see why other people do–it’s certainly intriguing, but definitely in the “not for me” category of my spreadsheet.
xendawg: good luck to you both!
I sniffed this on paper last year. You are a brave soul for actually applying it to your skin. Couldn’t even tell you what it smells like — it was simply a physical response: recoil followed by the conclusion “no.”
I couldn’t wait to read your review of the infamous SM, which I have never had the inclination [nerve?] to try. The more I read about it, the more I think I’ll stick to my guns and refrain. I am in love with a couple of ELdO fragrances however: Daphne & Like This. Vettivero is a very pretty vetiver scent too. There are more I’d like to sample, but SM is not on the list – I’m just not willing to provoke my susceptible gag reflex.
Rustic: Daphne is commes des garcons? and Diptyque makes Vetyverio? SO you’re down to ONE ELd’O you love!
Kevin – Vettiveru is CdG and so is Daphne Guiness, so it is still three that I love by ELdO.
But, I think I can say with confidence that I will never try that SM. Nobody can make me! lol
Duh – I mean one – pardon moi. What a goofball I am today. Oy.
This was bugging me, so I finally figured out exactly which ELdO fragrances I have actually tried. They would be Jasmin et Cigarettes, which was certainly interesting and I’m glad I tried it, but haven’t worn it since I sampled it and Vraie Blonde which looked great on paper, but left me all ‘meh’. So Like This is definitely the only ELdO I love so far. Why I had CdG and ELdO confused is a mystery to me.
R.D.: how could we NOT get confused is a better question…with the zillions of scents out there!
THAT… My Kind Sir… WAS HILARIOUS, In a Horrifying kinda way!LOL! Strangely now…. i wanna try it just to experience as Brando would say… “The Horror…. The Horror…!!!!”
I had to blink a few times and re-read the title of this review – I could NOT believe that you voluntarily reviewed this. (It *was* voluntary wasn’t it?? Robin hasn’t tied you up and covered you with fire ants?) Considering the material with which you had to work, and the wide open field for jokes and innuendo, this was actually an excellent review. Not sniffing it, absolutely no lemming, but still a good job!
Rappleyea: It was voluntary..and Robin tried it herself. HA!
“Guess what? Sécrétions Magnifiques survives hot showers, AXE, and energetic scrub-downs but it changes character after contact with soap and water…”
Hahaha – oh, no! “Get it off me, get it off, get it – aaaahhh!” I’ve heard the rumours about this scent and every time, I tell myself I’m going to try it, I stop being brave and forget about it for a little while. But with a review like this, the macabre curiosity is rearing its head, again. You make it sound like something that would revive memories of narrowly escaping a Cambodian bordello, the one you were forced into after being abducting on an “eco” diving and sight-seeing expedition. The anxiety and fear, the repressed memory of odors and the lingering feelings of violation that never seem to “scrub off”. Sounds fantastic!
Kevin, thank you for your excellent review and great sense of humor.
I was so intrigued by all these PR claims and artwork, but found the fragrances rather disappointing. I could not smell milk and any other ingredients in this fragrance. It has an unpleasant, metallic smell to me. This metallic note is “enriched” with chlorine accord plus some faint, sickening and sweet flowers. I do not find it sexy at all, it smells like something industrial or healthcare to me. Let’s say surgery room at the vet where the metal tables have just been cleaned with Klorox and disinfected with “Wildflowers in Bloom” Lysol spray.
I tried a sample out of curiosity and that’s it.
Behemot: you’re welcome…I want to know who’s buying it (besides Rick above of course!)
Well, after reading a lot about SM, I am starting to have impression that only few people buy it , because they like it. I am thinking most of its buyers do it just for fun or as a joke. (Read about boys who sprayed the locker room at school with SM as a REVENGE!!!)
BAD Joke, this is an expression I would use to describe this entire SM thing..
It is so interesting to read in the comments that there are some people who mainly get a mild floral scent out of SM. I have read this before. It says a great deal about how complex are our perceptions to scent.
The main reason that I have not bothered with SM is that even were I a member of the minority who are not offended by it, it seems likely that the person at the desk next to me at work, or on the bus etc, would be one of the much large group that hates it. I’m just not going to risk that!
Annemarie: I was almost forcefully ushered from my office when I said casually: “I’m throwing this stuff away.” Everyone in unison: “NO IN HERE, YOU’RE NOT!” I went to the restrooms to dispose of S.M., apt.
Hah, I love this review, Kevin! Very imaginative.
I can’t personally wear SM, it just makes me too nauseous.
Carrie: thanks!
I have read so much about this fragrance, watched people’s reactions to it on You Tube (including Katie Puckrik) but never thought it would be reviewed here.
Thanks for taking one for the team!
That being said I have no intention to seek this out, being a mother of small children and a wife I have enough experience to know when to grab for the bleach.
RuthW: well, it was an interesting experience for me!
Honestly I always imagined it smelled similar to the “Sex Panther” cologne that Paul Rudd’s character puts on in the movie Anchorman. A woman working in the station office, after smelling it in the air says “It smells like Bigfoot’s d#*k”.
Wonderful, hilarious review, K. Thanks for braving it (voluntarily? I certainly hope so).
I’d heard all about the, er, connotations of maleness in this scent, and I was prepared for that. But just one drop from the vial immediately made me think of a sex-crime scene: blood, blood, blood, and the blood-soaked knife left behind. It actually made me feel threatened, and I couldn’t get it off fast enough.
That’s what Mr. Ab. Scent said when he was able to collect himself after experiencing this evil in a bottle. He said it should be re-named Eau de CSI or Dracula: The Morning After.
mals: it DOES prompt FEELINGS…which is SOMEthing that should be explored in a better-smelling fragrance? Or does “horror” trump all other emotions?
Hmm, it sounds like you’re getting closer to buying a bottle.
This sounds god awful. Of course, sometimes when i smell something bad, i just keep smelling it because i dont believe my nose.
Rictor; that is DANGEROUS!
I don’t think I have ever encountered a more tenacious scent. Gag.
HelenV: it lingers…”stalks” even.
Props for the review, Kevin. Smelling SM should count for some sort of perfume lover badge of courage. I got the ELdO mini set earlier this year and was really excited to try SE because it was so polarizing. I plucked it out of the box, unscrewed the top and dabbed some straight on the back of my hand.
I’ve never had such a gut-wrenching reaction to a scent intended for personal use. It was all bloody semen, metal shavings and cheap flowers, conjuring up really disturbing conjecture between Mr. Ab. Scent and I as to just how such a combination could come about. That’s after both of us caught our breath and were sure we weren’t going to be sick. And washing it off? Ha! It’s like bottled Satan and I love some really challenging perfumes.
Of course we had to “share” it with friends who stopped by. One said it smelled like bleach and pond water and the other had the great misfortune of leaning too close when I lifted the bottle for him to smell and got some on the end of his nose. Now he’ll only smell fragrances on my wrist after having to cope with SE for the majority of the evening.
Hats off to those who can pull it off. But to me it just smells of scenarios that aren’t fit to print here, and I’m baffled that it sells. There are a handful of ELdOs that I really like (Like This, Vraie Blonde, Don’t Get Me Wrong Baby, Divin Infant and Rossy de Palma are some) and I even admire Jasmine et Cigarette and Incense et Bubblegum for their intriguing combination. But trying SE first made the other 15 or so bottles in the set seem positively pedestrian in comparison.
In a word, blech.
AbScent: I hope your poor friend didn’t have to EAT or DRINK after getting S.M. on his nose!
It sounds like this one is designed to shock and gag, but I wonder what other, more innocuous scents have this effect on folks. The mere memory of Cuir d’Iris by Parfumerie Generale has me groping for the Pepto — I actually hate the thought that it’s still up there in the box with my non-disgusting samples — but somebody likes it. If what makes you swoon sets me to retching, then it’s sort of amazing that we can communicate with one another at all. Really, this does seem like a very primordial difference….
Olive: HA! Cuir d’Iris sounds so NICE when I just read the ingredients list! I’ve never smelled it.
Oh, it’s lovely. A very pure leather. Not much iris to my nose. Nothing as rough as Cuir Mauresque. I forget which scent, but Mals said something once reminded her of the whole tannery with hides, blood, and all.
I have to agree with Olive: Cuir d’Iris smells too much like lamb meat to me (and I’m not a fan of lamb meat). I’m a huge PG fan, and my 2 favorite notes are probably iris and leather; so I really wanted to like it. And it hovers right at that line between attraction and repulsion to keep it interesting. But eventually I ended up selling my bottle. I think that description of Joe’s about the whole tannery sounds right: to me it’s a very realistic leather, with an emphasis on it’s animal source. (I have no idea what happened to the poor iris.)
A local store was discontinuing the Etat Libre line and I bought a bottle of SM cheap thinking that one day it will be considered a (freakish) classic and I will be able to sell it for hundreds of dollars! Might be waiting sometime…. or else I will gift it to someone I don’t like…
Sounds like a good white elephant offering!
Santemon: protect your investment by putting it in a safety deposit box at the bank. If that ever explodes in your house?!
Amazing review Kevin! Your experience with Secretions is the same as mine – i hated it and wasn`t able to remove it with anything, a bit of it remained on the skin, for my despair. It`s very powerful, and a not turning back experience – not magnifique at all. Did you keep this with other samples? Don`t do this, i discovered that the smell start to impregnate on other glasses :S
About the shocking image of Etat, i came to the same conclusion as the one you used on the beginning of your article. Most Etat fragrances live all the controversy to the image – much like lady gaga.
One thing that i thought intesresting is that part of the nasty effect on Secretions is due to the florals. If you pay attention, SL Bas De Soie has a similar effect, without the brutal and sex connotation, on it`s metallic milky flower opening.
Rick: I could see this being especially DIRE in the tropics!!!!!
Kevin, I am humbled by your heroic devotion to perfumanity!
I have a sample of this somewhere and am SOOOO glad I did not get around to trying it (based on LT’s review) before seeing comments on how horrible it is. I might have looked for another hobby!
I do actually like Jasmin et Cigarette, but as an adamant non-smoker, I can’t imagine going around smelling like that. Keep meaning to try that one Joe likes, Vierges et Toreros.
Oh, Kevin. You mad, crazy, brave man, sacrificing your skin to review this. I salute you.
JT: I try my best to venture where others need not (but you know everyone wants to sniff this just to say they did! HA!)
Kevin, you took one for the team, and made us laugh while doing so—that’s very charming!
I’ve tried Vraie Blonde, Putain des Palaces, and Like This; I thought each of the fragrances was very pretty, however, as perverse as I am, my morbid curiosity has found its line in the sand. No SM for me!
Dee: The ELd’O line just doesn’t grab me…what I”ve tried so far.
I got that 16-scent coffret not long ago and decided to get it over with and try this one first. I didn’t gag, and I did apply it fairly copiously. I definitely didn’t like it, especially, and don’t wear it ever, but I’m glad I tried it. I smelled it periodically all through drydown, and reported about it to my facebook friends. A friend I gave some to described it as “metallic coconuts” and we both decided you had to be careful or your lover might think you’d been cheating, but he was fairly non-plussed. Also, it smells quite good on Smokeytoes.
However, I could still smell it on my hand for 3 days.
Tama: I got it on my poor shirt…one pass in the laundry didn’t remove it? A goner?
Naw, soak it in vinegar or something. It will eventually go away.
I LOVE SM! Color me crazy, but I turn weird/gross notes into something nice warm and fuzzy. The drydown on SM is warm woods and leather on me. A very nice skin scent.
It’s true. Byredo M/Ink has that funny metallic thing going on and it smells great on her, too.
Smoky/Tama: I don’t believe either of you!!!!!!!
I’ll send her up to see you next time she’s wearing it.
@Kevin-my mother in law and I had a very (very) interesting conversation about this one. It started with her saying “You smell nice Lizzy, what perfume do you have on?”…… O_o
Byredo’s M/Mink does have that same metallic note, but in a much less repulsive setting (even though it’s quite bloody and sharp still). I think it smells more like the harsh detergent used to scrub down the crime scene, rather than the crime scene itself.
Lucky you!
What happy timing, my EdLO sample set landed on the doormat this morning! I have been dying to try ‘Jasmin et Cigarettes’ and ‘Like This’ for a while, so I was planning on trying those for the first time this evening. This basically means I have approximately 8 hours to decide whether my curiosity or self preservation has been piqued the most and I try SM first… I don’t know whether to thank you all or run away and hide!
Kevin, I’m impressed with your bravery AND review. I think you’re the first reviewer I’m aware of to have tried this “full-on” for a day of wear! Although, I see from the comments that some people wear this as a perfume (rather than a novelty sniff). Like many people, I’m somewhat intrigued by the horrific descriptions, but haven’t pulled the trigger myself. As it were.
Hahaha the Katie Puckrick video is really funny.
Ye gods!!! Am sitting with SM on my left wrist and at first I did wonder what everyone was complaining about, and then about 30 seconds later I was hit around the head by that metallic salty honk, just hideous – and now it’s following me around – help!
hahaha – you brought it on yourself. I love “metallic salty honk”.
Me too!
I saw way too many “reaction videos” on youtube when this initially came out and have been entirely too terrified to pay money for a sample. What kills me about it is that is was given a “highly recommended” review in the Luca Turin perfume review book. I felt so betrayed.
He actually gave it a “Masterpiece” rating!