Several years ago, on a warm, late-summer afternoon, I was walking my pug, Diego de Fontana, in his favorite park. As we crossed a small road to reach a meadow, a car full of college-age men slowed down and stopped. The driver stretched his arm out of the open car window, looked from me to Diego and back at me again, then pointed his index finger at Diego, and yelled: “Dude…inadequate!”
For those of you who are not animal lovers and can’t relate to my outrage at that moment, imagine a person peeking into your baby’s carriage and saying: “Wow. That’s unfortunate!” How would you react if a stranger looked at a photo of your mother or father and said, “I guess things could have turned out worse — considering your gene pool!”
I was happy Diego’s vocabulary was limited but I was full of fury. In the “old days” (before I turned 30) I might have suffered one of my “Frances Farmer Moments” and started whipping the driver violently with Diego’s extra-long leather leash, but my days of unbridled anger were behind me and I limited such desires to the realm of daydreams.
With the word “inadequate” ringing in my ears, I gave the mean-spirited driver an icy smile and with crisp enunciation, said: “I bet your boyfriend says the same thing to you all the time!” I was pleased to see the idiot-driver’s smirk disappear, and as Diego and I crossed the road I heard the other men in the car burst into raucous laughter and one said: “Man, he thinks you’re GAY!” I wondered what had prompted me to say “boyfriend” instead of “girlfriend;” perhaps his use of the word “dude” had given my subconscious a clue that the driver was straight — and straight in a way that would not appreciate being thought gay. And let’s face it, what gay man would EVER disparage a charming pug dog prancing along, tail tightly curled, eyes popping with mischief?
Of course, not all straight men care if you call them gay and I’m certainly not implying that only straight men hurl insults at strangers. No. Gay men inclined to voice unsolicited opinions would leave your dog alone and be more likely to yell: “Honeychile! Those Top Siders have to GO!” or eyeing your white jeans and tight black Lacoste polo combo, remark: “Summer of 2006…here I come!” or, worst of all, as you enter a room, sillage of your favorite perfume wafting around you, trumpet: “Who’s headed to the Amazon? I smell bug spray!”
Our topic, finally, has been reached: Perfume Insults. We don’t “love” our perfumes in the same way we love people and animals, but we don’t want our fragrant “favorites” disparaged either. We’ve all had a beloved fragrance “insulted”…and though we often ignore the barb, straighten our backs and act as if we are above caring what anyone thinks of our perfume, it is aggravating and dispiriting to have a scent you adore abused to your face by…by…MORONS!!!
Here’s a quiz — match one of my favorite perfumes to a cruel description of it (and, yes, friends, family, and strangers, have said these things to me directly or in my presence):
FRAGRANCE:
1. L’Eau Trois/Diptyque
2. Eau d’Hermès/ Hermès
3. Baïmé/Maître Parfumeur et Gantier
4. Fumerie Turque/Serge Lutens
5. Timbuktu/L’Artisan Parfumeur
6. Bandit Light Pour Homme/Robert Piguet
7. green green green and green/Miller et Bertaux
8. Hammam Bouquet/Penhaligon’s
9. Miel de Bois/Serge Lutens
INSULT:
A: “You smell like salad and French dressing!” “Herb tea?”
B: “It reminds me of a funeral parlor: flowers and formaldehyde.”
C: “You bought that? It smells like an old tweed coat that needs dry cleaning.” “It smells like a sweaty bra!”
D: “Yum-yum…who’s got dill pickles?”
E: “A pee-soaked litter box!” “A lion’s cage at the zoo!”
F: “Hmmmm…an ash tray.” “Is it a yucky old Caron perfume? Moth repellant?” “Quentin Crisp would wear this!”
G: “This smells like an elderly man I knew! He never used deodorant but always wore rose or jasmine cologne to cover his funk.”
H: “I’m sensing stagnant water…the Dismal Swamp….” “A damp, crumbling shed.”
I: “This screams ‘no testosterone!’” “Come to Granny!”
When I hear such perfume insults, I attempt to keep my mouth shut, but it is hard not to retaliate in some fashion since my scent is being commented on — that’s personal!
There are many types of perfume insults. One of the best perfume insults is silence (when you ask for an opinion of your cologne and the other person says nary a word, you know they hate it). However, I prefer silence to rude descriptions. I try to be silent in the face of perfume insults and if I can’t be silent I base my responses on circumstance: Did I ask for an opinion? Is the person insulting my fragrance an old friend or a stranger? Is the insult mean spirited, meant to hurt or embarrass me, or is the zinger delivered with humor? Have I worn a powerful cologne in a tiny space, or been too liberal in my application? Is the “insulter” a repeat offender?
Sometimes a perfume insult “hits home” and I can’t hold my tongue. Here are some of my standard comebacks: “You’re not a perfume person.” “It takes years to develop a NOSE for fragrance.” “You know, all that smoking you do ruins your ability to smell and taste things…sad!” “Well, it’s not Old Spice or Brut, I’ll grant you that!” (Implication: ‘you like cheap stuff’…and I’ve just insulted two scents myself!)
The worst thing I’ve said after a perfume insult, I admit it with shame, was to a friend who tried on several of my favorite scents and deemed them all ‘gross.’ I said: “With all the medications you take, your skin’s pH curdles all perfumes.”
Please, share a perfume insult that was directed at a fragrance you adore. (And forgive me in advance for anything I ever write that hurts your, or your perfume’s, feelings!) I certainly live by the proverb: “Love Me, Love My Dog.” I don’t go so far as to expect everyone to ‘love’ my perfumes as I do but is it asking too much to “Respect Me, Respect My Perfume?” Say (or write) what you want about my perfumes — but not to my face as I wear them!
(Quiz Answers: 7D, 2G, 5C, 3A, 1H, 6F, 4B, 8I, 9E)
Note: image is Still Life with Skull, Candlestick, Flute, and Flowers, by Abraham van Stry, 1753-1826, Library of Congress permanent collection (A print of this artwork is available for purchase at the Library of Congress online shop).
Hi Kevin! What a laugh your post is… laughing *with* you, not *at* you, of course!
One morning I was wearing Lipstick Rose, one of my very favorites. I was riding the subway during rush hour, and the woman seated beside me turned to me and said, “I hate your perfume. I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole.” I ignored her and she turned away again. However, she continued to speak–to herself–for the remainder of the ride. Some of her ongoing monologue revolved around the claim that her father was the Emperor of China. I decided to take her Lipstick Rose comment with a grain of salt.
(Does a perfume insult from a schizophrenic merit its own category?) 😉
Stanzi: such an insult counts, even if the person delivering the insult is “off meds.” K
Hah! What, gay men don't throw “dude” around at each other? Thank heavens. Anyone who'd criticize your dog is a total loser. BTW we used to live around the corner from a gay couple with matching pugs who wore OUTFITS (the dogs, not the men). I loved going out on rainy/windy/snowy days to catch a glimpse of their new clothes, they had better wardrobes than I did.
You'll always be my friend because you're the other person who loves L'Eau Trois. And I never ask anyone what they think of whatever nightmare I'm wearing. I don't want to know. 🙂
A scratch behind the ears and a doggy treat of his choice to Diego. Inadequate? Naaah. There is no such thing as an inadequate pug. Pugs rule the world, just ask them. I'm guessing Diego's IQ is much higher than the creature in the car passing judgement on him.
I adore the fragrance Red by Giorgio. No matter that it's an 80s cliche power frag and that there was a time when 4 out of every 10 women were wearing it. My skin plays wonderfully with it and I happen to like killah sillage. Cliche or no cliche, Red is ME.
I attended a very chichifoofoo luncheon once, and at our table of six the conversation turned to one of the organizers of the event who happens to have come from a humble background. In that catty way women sometimes have, one of the women sniped at her saying “she doesn't know any better than to wear that trailer trash Red from the '80s”. Trailer trash??? My beloved???
To my regret, I kept silent both on the fragrance and on the young woman whose character they were cheerfully assassinating. I was still new in town at the time and didn't know how far I could take a protest that might reflect back poorly on my place of employment. However, when I was invited to another event by this same group, I declined.
We need to re-discover manners in this country, I believe. We've become so casual and lackadaisical in our interpersonal relationships that we feel free to openly insult people any time we wish. I sincerely hope this is a fashion that will soon run its course.
March: HA! Diego had a red raincoat with hood that made him look like a munchkin Red Riding Hood — he stopped traffic (LITERALLY) when he wore that. Yes: LOVE L'Eau Trois, K
I was properly raised in that I was taught that it's bad manners to comment upon something that someone cannot immediately correct, and even then discreetly. You can take someone aside and point out the spinach on the teeth, if you happen to have a Tide-to-go, you can point out the blotch on the tie. You must never, ever tell someone that they smell bad.
Insulting someone's dog is worse than insulting the kid- they had to go out of their way to get the dog. 😉
SMW: you are right about the decline in manners; I think people feel OBLIGATED to insult SOMEone in the course of a day, or conversation. Lots of humor is at the expense of others' feelings. YOU were classy and didn't take the 'trailer trash' bait! K
Tom: you are a gentleman…a rarity! And it's nice to know we can all wear any fragrance in your presence without fear. K
Kevin, great comeback! I absolutely loathe people who yell at pedestrians from their cars.
Exist: aren't they the worst?
“Yah, it smells like a dead squid” O_o (Un Jardin En Mediterranee/Hermes) Can you believe it???
“Something stinks… like a corpse” (Black Cashmere/DK)
“Hm, it smells like mice/cat” (AA Pamplelune/Guerlain)
I must admit I was an insulter once, but with no intention, just because of my speaking-before-thinking. I came into the office I worked in, sniffed the air and said “Shit, guys, which of you drunk? I smell some old beer here” and then our new colleague (a nice, silent lady 20 years older then me) said shyly “Oh, maybe it's my perfume, I just sprayed it”. It really WAS her perfume! I smiled and ansewered quickly “no, no, it certainly is not your perfume, think it's something out of the window, oh, I'm sure I smell someting from the conditioning”. But believe me, I was so ashamed!
I don't get why people say things like that anyway. It's not like I've got some fabulous set of manners, and sometimes I can't find my edit button. But it would never occur to me to say something mean about a dog or a perfume, any more than I'd say, wow, that's an ugly tie, no matter how much I might be thinking it. IMHO: it's the side effect of too many TV shows like What Not To Wear, when people think they can casually make crappy observations and get away with it. TV is NOT reality.
M: AGREE 100 PERCENT! K
Norna! I wish dead squid smelled like Un Jardin e M (I live in a town with a HUGE fishing industry) That's a funny one for sure, K
I got the same litterbox comment about MdB from my sister, who also hates my Trois, the Tauers and just about everything else I own. I just look at her and ask: “are you sure we're related? you must have been switched at birth” (she wears l'eau d'Issey and some Lacoste thing, so I can't take her seriously).
I can forgive perfume ignorance, but not insults to my cats.
And Diego sounds adorable, btw, especially in his little red jacket.
NB: I know…insult my animals and steam starts pouring from my ears, nostrils, mouth…. I'm always happy to hear someone else likes Miel de Bois. K
I like Miel de Bois too, and my friends' comment on MdB was something like “Ough!”
I actually wrote an article about this in university. (Whoa, I had too much time on my hands.) In a university town, it is just as likely to be a guy whistling or simply WHOOOO!ing at you, as it is to be someone insulting you. I am not a stunner, and very rarely dress to solicit wolf whistles. I think some straight young men just like to hang out of their cars and cause mischief. It's why their insurance rates are higher and it's why you never see any women in their cars with them.
Oh my god, what a hilarious article! Any of us who venture into more avante-garde or unusual territory with our fragrances have faced these sorts of comments at one time or another. Three come to mind for me: Tenth grade, I had a cousin who was the a little boho-hippie, but in a very chic way. I envied her style and copied her right down to her fragrance, which was (what else?) patchouli oil. Not a wise choice for facing the cruelties of high school kids. I was sitting in class and this girl loudly blurted out, “You smell like salt and pepper!” I hung my head in shame, and stopped wearing it to school – but still wore it out of class. More recently, someone told me that my perfume smelled like Play-Doh when I was wearing my beloved L'Heure Bleue, and the exact same thing from a different person when I had on Luctor et Emergo. (I actually can see the comparison with Luctor et Emergo, and apparently a lot of people think that it does indeed smell like Play-Doh. But L'Heure Bleue? I don't see it.)
Thanks for the entertainment. No great personal stories here, except from a recent department store outing. I had a friend sniff my once-beloved YSL Kouros and told her in a reverie that it was completely evocative of my early college years. She made a horrified, scrunched-up face and said, “Ooof….! Well, what's important is that it brings back nice memories for you.”
One of the best and most unforgettable quips I've heard on TV (which is unusual since I don't have cable) was from some short-lived sitcom with Suzanne Pleshette around 2003 or so: a character walked in asking if his new scent smelled ok, as he was going on a date. Pleshette deadpanned, “With WHO?! A gay Armenian?”
I also often find myself laughing out loud at blog commenters on fragrance reviews. Recently someone said a scent evoked for her “An armpit left out in the sun all day. Unwashed.” Another, on basenotes, mentioned a similarity to “murky water from an old vase of flowers” (that's actually in regard to the amazing Philosykos, believe it or not).
Well, I like Angel, so… 😀
I don 't know, I think people are much less likely to say things like that where I am (Sweden – and it's true that we are brought up to be comparatively quiet and reserved). I've had a few comments from close friends and relatives, but none of them were mean-spirited; I've never had my fragrance commented on by strangers at all, as far as I can remember. Doesn't mean people haven't been thinking things, though.. 🙂
I cannot believe anyone would call a pug “inadequate”–they are so adorable with their little squish faces and curly tails and snuffly noises. That said, the first time I ever smelled Bandit (imagining I would love it) I was viscerally repulsed by the note(s) that smelled exactly like an old ashtray to this non-smoker. There's no other way to describe it for me.
Kiki: I've heard people describe scents as “Play-Doh” many times…but L'Heure Bleue? No. And I'm sure the worst insult was when you were in 10th grade…the age of vulnerability! K
I've never had any really egregious remarks directed towards me due to a perfume. These are the two worst so far:
“Who just put on hairspray?” – Shiseido Zen Classic (the original cologne in the black and gold bottle)
“I smell something burning!” – YSL Opium
PS: Pugs rule! 😀
Joe: AH! That was a nasty snipe…Philosykos as slimy vase water. And what pray tell would an armpit left out in the sun all day smell like WASHED? K
Thrpschr: Hurrah for the Swedes (lots of Swedes in Seattle too but they have assimilated into the US and insult with abandon!) K
HopeB: so you probably got that one right on the quiz! K
Eliz: Just found the cutest pug t-shirt (shhhhh, I wear it rarely!)…shows a stark/graphic pug face with the caption: OBEY THE PUG…all in the style of Russian propaganda posters. K
You know, I love Miel de Bois, but I got that one right on the quiz w/ no trouble 🙂
Hahaha–I LOVE the sound of that shirt!
I've heard that my “Chypre Rouge” resembles a “500 year-old crypt” (my lovely archeologist friend–perhaps it was actually a masked compliment?). I sort of liked that one…it made me feel sexily vampiric.
…and perhaps, precious puggy exceeded his detractor in scent-ual appeal!
Hi!! Excuse my poor English but I will try to put it with the nearest translation ( I'm mexican). The first time that I used Kenzo Amour on a date (and the last one) he said: ” you smell like my little nephew when my sister changes his diaper and put some talc”.
Another recent experience: a co-worker in my Mom's office said: Where's the cake? I'm starving!! Happy Birthday anyone?? and it was ME using Pink Sugar by Aquolina. Another Pink Sugar experience: A little child in the shopping mall said: “Ma, that lady smells like Six Flags” (I want to imagine that he thought about candies, cotton sugar and only good memories)
And the worst ever, after five years of not seeing a friend, wearing my favorite perfume in this time (Oxygene by Lanvin), she told me: “Woosh, I hate your perfume, you smelled better when you used that vanilla thing”.
Erin: I just can't imagine a woman or group of women hurling insults from their cars…also read today that men, about a THIRD of them, don't wash their hands after using the bathroom. My poor sex…! K
On Rose Poivree: “You smell like a litterbox.”
On Black Orchid: “Man, what is that SMELL?” (this was said by one of my students in the middle of a lecture).
NLB: I would take that as a compliment…I'd love to smell like the “stuff” used to preserve a mummy..and I love earthy, damp scents. K
Vainilla Mexicana: ¡su inglés es mejor que mi español! I LOVE the “Six Flags” comment…I guess you did smell like the concession stands that day?
ha. i love pugs. i'd never call your pug inadequate.
i'm thinking e. is miel de bois, which of course, i adore. c. could be eau d'hermes, which wants to smell like armpit every time i spray it. hammam bouquet could be g, h could be bandit, f for fumerie turque, a could be baime, b could be the miller et bertaux, and i don't know about the timbuktu – maybe i? l'eau trois could be dill pickles, but then again, now i'm all confused.
you have far more creative adn verbal people responding to your scents than i do – all i ever get, for a negative, is “what is that smell? – it's interesting” or something like “hmm, smells like a dentist's office (poivre).” for positives, i get “you smell yummy” and “smells like apple pie spices” and stuff like that.
p.s. i like your list of scents – i find it interesting and daring. – cheers, minette
Twitches: here's a new one…I wore Black Aoud today and the UPS man said, upon entering the office, “I smell BenGay.” K
so, of course, i just now see your answer key. was i at all close with my guesses?!
Minette: sometimes I'd prefer more bland descriptions of my colognes! (the answers to the quiz are at the very end of the post) K
now i'm laughing because i only got one right. which shows you how many ways these scents can be perceived.
OMG. This whole thing is a riot. My favorite part of all is that your pug's name is Diego de Fontana.
LOLOLOLOL!!!!! So true.
This post is hilarious! I haven't had anyone make disparaging remarks about my perfumes (apart from an irritated WHO's wearing PERFUME!? from an office mate who is allergic to everything under the sun – do any of you work with people like this?). I have also had yahoos lean out of cars and yell rude things at me. Man I hate those guys!
I also happen to love pugs by the way – they make me giggle non-stop. There are many small dogs I'm not fond of because of their incessant yapping, but I have a soft spot for pugs and terriers (Bostons, Westies). The image of a little pug trotting around in a red coat is a bright spot at the end of a cranky day! Give Diego a treat & a scratch from me.
Wow, the worst comment I've ever gotten was when I was wearing Dior's Higher Energy and someone said, “What is that?!? Axe!?” Another time I was wearing John Varvatos classic and someone said, “Is that Drakkar?” Oh well. Sometimes if people smell anything on me at all they start singing “Bom chikka wah wah” like the Axe commercial, but then, I work with a very vulgar, low-minded crowd.
Minette: I counted you as getting two right: Miel de Bois and Baime. I wonder if anyone got a pefect score? K
Vance: NEVER, EVER let those vulgarians know that having a cologne called Axe bothers you…or they'll never let up! K
Keeter: he was born in Fontana, Calif.! K
Cheez: if I was told I could no longer wear cologne to work I'd have to change jobs! Thankfully, no one I work with anywhere has a bad allergy when it comes to scented products…may it always be so, K
You have a cute pug, I have my beloved Shih-Tzu. That makes us even! In my twenties, I would have probably run after that car in a fit of blind rage. Now I would have to “imagine” doing that… Well, maybe not, haha! OK, I have a story, but it's not directly an insult. I was seeing a guy who had a girlfriend (I was not and still am not a saint, sorry to say). The guy phoned me up after having seen me and told me that his girlfriend said that the sheets smelled like a cheap girlie. He had to invent a fabric softener story. I will not name the fragrance, but I have to say that I seldom use it anymore. That incident sort of weaned me off floral-fruities. Guess that's a good thing though, lol!
I was litterally just writing a blog on my myspace. I came on here to see if I could find a list of notes for a fragrance. My blog was about a woman who had something to say about my fragrance the other day. This articly couldn't have been posted at a better time.
Ironically, I used the phrase “honeychild” in that very blog. Wow. Now That is a coincidence
anyway, here is that blog. It pretty much answers the perfume insult thing.
The other day at work, a woman came though my line, and started to complain to her husband about “somebody's” fragrance. She said something like “Whoa! somebody is wearing some cologne.”
Well, perhaps that day I did o-d by about 1 or 2 sprays (I wasn't familiar with that fragrance's strength)(and I was in a hurry when I put it on). Anyway, she proceeded to make faces and act imbecillic while I rang her up. I tried to shrug off the inanity.
She obviously disapproved. Then she proceeded to tell me that not only was it too strong, but it was too girly. This was the FIRST time anybody has ever had anything (negative) to say about my cologne.
Honey child, you must have been trying to make me mad. But you made my day. The fact that my fragrance p!$$ed you off made me smile. I kinda wanna wear it everyday to work, just in hopes you come through my line again. I'll spray even more next time.
Well it's just too bad that other people think I might care about their opinion regarding my fragrances. I don't spray this stuff on to make other people happy. I do it because I like the way it smells, and in most cases, because I've got some alterier reason. ;D
In other related news, I just bought a new bottle of cologne the other day, for the first time in about 6 months. It's probably the most masculine cologne I own. The name? Fleur Du Male (Flower of the male). It's based on Orange Blossom, and it's meant to be incredibly floral. And masculine. Believe it or not, men can and do wear flowers, and still smell like men.
And in case you weren't aware, fragrance is 90% perception. I could spray on Sweet Pea, and if I could probalby convince you it was a new Curve fragrance for summer, from Liz Claiborne. There's no such thing as “mens” and “womens” fragrances, it's just how their marketed. There are only a handful of fragrances on the women's side that I wouldn't wear because they might be “too femenine.” And heck, who's to say something like Fleur De Male couldn't be re-marketed as some lush Women's fragrance?
So next time you want to have an opinion about how “masculine” or “femenine” a fragrance is, please remember that beauty always has been and always will be in the eye of the beholder. So if you want to hate on a perfume becuase it doesn't fit your pre-conceived gender roles, please, don't do it in my prescence.
And to the woman who came into my store: next time you want to say something to me about my fragrances, don't. Just shut your mouth, and open your mind.
Kevin, you hit on two of the loves of my life – dogs and perfume! I can't believe what that horrible man said to you and Diego (he's going to hell for sure) — though I had a similar inicident with my first Saluki; some punky child on a skateboard hollered out while I was walking my oh-too-lovely hound many years ago, “lady, you should feed your dog!” Needless to say, I wanted to chase this young man down and pound him senseless with his skateboard. I did not, much to my chagrin and my husband's relief. Pugs rock — if someone can't appreciate a Pug, we probably can't be friends. My current doggie love of my life is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Dashiel Hammet — I get offended if a bystander doesn't comment that he is the cutest dog that he/she has ever seen, let alone the rude rant that you and your baby endured!
The worst perfume insult I received? I had a tres tacky doctor at an not-to-be-named hospital comment that my beloved Poison smelled like bug spray. This was off set later that year by a perfumeista doctor asking me what I was wearing and that I smelled like I had been to Paris — she then rhapsodied about the glories of Dior fragrances.
Thanks for the awesome piece, Kevin!
Very surprisingly I've never had a perfume-insult directed at me. It seems unbelievable because I delight in wearing perfumes that might insult a nose or two.
I am surprised this has not been brought up yet though: The Covert Insult – the most often used one, I believe. It would go somewhat like this:
Offended sniffer asks with morbid fascination: “What perfume *ARE* you wearing?”
Perfume Offender: Why, it is just Angel! Do you like it?
Offended Sniffer: Wow, it smells *great* on you. I could NEVER wear it myself! It turns to crude oil on my skin! Good for you…
Yep, the it's not you, it's me insult, masked as a compliment. It has to be the most regular one. Unfortunately I think a lot of people assume the compliment is genuine – I beg to differ.
Such a funny post!
None of my perfumes has ever been insulted and I've certainly never insulted anyone for the perfume they were wearing. It's mostly men who believe they have a right to address strangers and tell them what they think of them, what they look like, what they wear, etc. Actually, I've had teenage girls comment on my appearance once or twice, but they usually grow out of doing it, men don't. I try not to wear too much perfume so as not to offend other people's noses the way they offend mine. I really wish I could say something every time I have the misfortune to sit next someone who reeks of coconut or some other sickly sweet scent or one of those sharp fruity-florals, but I don't. I suffer in silence.
TL: you MUST reveal the scent! Why not!? HA! K
PoopC: I hope by describing your scent as too “girly” the woman was not implying you were too OLD to wear it? I'll be tackling that issue in my Kenzo/Tokyo review soon! Are you from the South? “Honeychild” … I rarely hear that word since I left Virginia. K
Frostibella: thanks…and I'm an admirer of King Charles Spaniels! WHen I had my English Bulldog I was always told she was “too fat” by complete strangers…strangers who knew nothing about dogs of course, K!
Divina: SO true…I've heard that sort of comment often. “If ONLY I could pull that off…like you!” K
Bela: I'd LOVE to know what you WOULD do if one of your perfumes ever got an insult! (Keep me posted!) K
Muchas gracias Kevin!! Another one: The first cologne that I bought for a guy was a “Patricks”, very cheap, but famous and masculine. I was 11 years old and I want to express my “I will miss you” for a friend (he was eleven too). The comment: “I only smell alcohol and soap, but thanks”.
Having received Oscar de la Renta as a Christmas gift, I wore it on a date back in the eighties when heavy fragrances were so in. The comment was “I hate to tell you this but you smell terrible.” “I know,” I replied sheepishly, “It's Oscar.” I hated it too but thought I'd give it a whirl. Several years later my first foray into the fragrance business was being placed in a outpost (with no experience) and selling…Oscar, Opium, Volupte and Perry Ellis 360. The first two I didn't like but was constantly amazed by their popularity. Volupte was okay and I did like 360 a lot but it just didn't stay on.
I still think Poison is the worst perfume ever invented.
I love dogs. Some are smarter and better looking than people!
Now I've been in the fragrance business for almost 13 years, and sometimes I go home on the bus having spritzed all kinds of things on. One day three different people got up and sat somewhere else as soon as they could. Guess it was the one I was flogging that day. Don't want to be fired so can't reveal the name.
I think perhaps it takes a special kind of Swede to move to the US, as well… 🙂
Celestia: if you were on my bus I'd rush to sit right next to you! Whenever I'm forced to “bus” I feel like taking an old-fashioned nosegay and holding it in front of my nostrils…even a hanky scented with the dreaded Poison would do on a smelly bus!!!!!!!! k
Ummm… Okay, if you MUST know, but don't tell anyone: *whisper*: It was Happy by Clinique… There. I cannot believe you made me tell you.
TL: Thank you! You know, 'they' always say cheap girlies are HAPPY! K
I shudder to think how I'd feel if a total stranger insulted my scent. Seattle is reserved and polite, but not that perfume friendly so I'm not sure if it would be likely to happen. My youngest teenager did, however once tell me that my Patou 1000 smelled like an old boot.
:p
What a brilliant piece of writing! This is what I go to NowSmellThis for!
Regarding perfume insults, someone told me I smelled of “citrus wet wipes, you know the ones you get in seafood restaurants to wipe your fingers with” – I'd just showered myself in Guerlain's Eau Impériale… gee, thanks…
and I LOVE pugs!!
KyraS: let's hope your child thought of “boot” as leather, not sweaty feet! K
Hanna: first, thanks for the compliment…and second, how did you restrain yourself from forcefully defending your Eau Impériale??? I love that scent so much, K
Lol. I'm 18. haha, but I live inflorida, so yes to the second part.
Actually I remember shopping for fragrances one time at like a discount store, and the [rude] salesperson kept asking me what fragrances I wore, and everthing I told him, his response was “Oh, how do you know about ______? It must be your dad's, right?” “Oh, is that cologne your fathers?” “You must've got that one from you dad”
Needless to say, I bought NOTHING from him.
OK…now I get it…the “girly” comment was due to the fact you are a MAN and not an “older woman!” Sorry! Strange that someone would attribute your love of certain scents to your father (I take it they were older fragrances). I know a few people who must wear what's NEW, no matter what it smells like, and they think buying an older fragrance is like buying a top hat and cane (old fashioned). K
LOL! yeah I'm a guy XD haha.
Actually, I don't really have any problem with like… the age of a fragrance, or whatever. That much doesn't really matter to me. But the fragrances in question were a bit of a mixed bag:
-Escada magnetism (2004)
-Escada for men (1993)
-Escada Sentiment (2002)
-Hanae Mori (1998)
I told him I was a fan of Escada because I was looking for the elusive Silver Light for men. He thought I was either crazy, and making it up. It's pleasant when the people who are trying to sell you fragrances are actually nice. >_<
perfume insult : from my first boyfriend , ” you smell like an old lady” ( i was wearing my fathers xmas present and it was -anais anais by cacharel-needless to say i never worn it again ( he was rude but i kind of agree ).
worst DOG insult : this xmas i was showing photos of my french bulldog puppy ( picture me with big proud eyes ,like a first time mom) , in my opinion this are some of the sweetest dogs and just adorable (love pugs , english bulldogs too) when this woman just snaps and says ” oh but they are ALWAYS ugly” , mmmmmm uh uh.
Paulinaproji: PLEASE don't let anyone scare you away from a scent by calling it an “old lady” scent. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY! Many people call vintage, classic, “old fashioned” scents by this 'adjective'…and they are most often perfume-ignorant folks! STAND TALL and wear any scent you like (you didn't pick out Anais Anais for yourself so that's different). Some people just don't appreciate the flat faces, bulging eyes, snores/grunts and forehead wrinkles of pugs, bulldogs, Frenchies, Pekes…isn't that SAD? Rise above the old lady comments and dog insults…look at the etiquette offender and act as if what they said is so rude and ludicrous it does NOT warrant a response!
Once I was wearing Angel and my friend's mother said:
– Why do I smell a ran-out-of-order powder?
Since then I can't wear the fragrance. I'm afraid someone else would say that again.
Veronica: I'll never say that to you since I don't know what a “ran-out-of-order powder” is? Please enlighten me!
oh! I'm sorry. After this one I think I won't write in English any more:)
I ment expired, very old grandmother's face powder
That's not such a bad comment, I don't think – very old face powder sounds sort of dry and talc-y, not sexy IMO but not offensive.
When I was a very young woman I loved Norman Norell's 'Norell' but I had to stop wearing it when my mother flew into a tirade, accusing me of sneaking booze!!! (I was underage). It was just one of those chemistry things. I thought she was insane but several similar comments by others convinced me that Norman and I weren't meant to be.
I came close to insulting my oldest friend on her choice of Poison – it was a close call (it did smell like bug spray on her – it DID!!!) but luckily the little 'edit comment' light came on just in time. Alas, she hated my Fracas. We were a helluva pair!
Not so lucky with Pierre Cardin, which always smelled like Raid to me. I had to drive 300+ miles with a man who was drenched in the stuff. Luckily it was late spring and I like fresh air….. but he could tell I hated it by the faces I kept making. I never could figure out why he wore so MUCH of it!!!
GREAT post, Kevin! So much fun. Give Diego a kiss from me. We have Rottweilers, so nobody ever insults our dogs, though one admiring lady was stunned to find that my biggest male was (accidentally)wearing perfume! Joy EdP. Probably not what you'd expect on a giant Rottie.
Veronica: HA! That's funny…I know what you mean…people always gave my grandmother talc for presents since she LOVED powder…but she ended up with 100 bottles and boxes of the stuff and when I went thru her things after she died all the powders smelled alike… a dull aroma for sure.
Mamabear: OK…your insult: making faces!, is a new one on me..that poor drenched “Cardin Man”! HA! I love the image of a big ole male Rottweiler wearing Joy parfum..I would be giving him more hugs than usual as he wore that scent–I love it so much.
I know, the 'faces' thing was so gauche but it was like being trapped in the insecticide aisle at the hardware store and I never did have a poker face, alas! I swear, it wasn't a subtle use of scent…which brings me to a question (this is NOT an attempt to insult any particular fragrance, I promise:-):
In the case of overscenting, I've noticed that certain fragrances seem to be overapplied more than others, which causes me to wonder: is it the fragrance or the wearer (are they overapplying or is it just that strong)? I'm thinking very strong, slightly harsh fragrances (to my nose, anyway) like Polo and Pierre Cardin and their ilk. Or is it that the more subtle mens fragrances are subtle enough that a little overindulgence isn't as noticeable? I remember when Polo first came out – you could smell the average Polo Guy a block away, whereas Beene's Grey Flannel seemed to be used with a little more restraint. Guerlain's Imperiale never smells overdone (MO), though the smell in the bottle is very pronounced.
My query may sound a little snotty and insulting but it's a sincere question. It might just be that I'm more prone to a visceral reaction with scents I dislike…..but I'd be very interested to know your opinion.I gave a friend Bond No9 with careful instructions to not use a heavy hand….he did anyway but after a few coughing moments it dried down and was very crisp and elegant on him.
Btw – Georgie (the big male) sends you a hug right back. That poor dog, he's been in Joy, Fracas….a lot of Jo Malone Nectarine Blossom…..most recently he got nailed by Fresh Lemon Sugar – whatever I'm wearing ends up on him. Drives my OH nuts!
Mamabear ii: who knows why some scents are overdone to the point of inducing nausea in innocent bystanders? Some BIG personalities go for BIG scents that make a BIG statement; sometimes people cannot smell a fragrance they've been wearing for years (I've been told)…the nose gets used to the smell and the wearer must apply more and more to smell the scent him/herself. (I never wear a scent so religiously that this would ever happen to me.) And I know some people who simply believe if you wear perfume, other people SHOULD SMELL IT…or why bother!? And there ARE some scents out there that cannot be tamed, even with a light touch on the spray nozzle…even one spritz creates a perfumed haze for hours. And surely there are people with non-sensitive noses who have a hard time smelling things and just spray on perfume till they can enjoy it. Just grin and bear it my dear, and hope every now and then someone overindulges in a scent you LOVE…like Joy.
Excellent advice. George, my other Rotts and I will take it to heart as we waltz down the street, clad in our haze of Joy! Diego may join us, if he wishes, clad in his little red raincoat. I dare (nay, double-dare) some carload of guys to say a word!
Oh my yes! When I was 11, a friend of my mother's gave me her leftover bottle of 'Emeraude” when it came in that fabulous green spray bottle.
I tried it out, and my father yelled at me what was that smell – you smell like a Mexican moviehouse! Of course since then I cannot smell Emeraude or Shalimar with out remembering that vivid remark. He was also the same way about Tabu, but even then, THAT was simply TOO much.
Hahaha! Your father's comment reminds me of a similar one from my mother. Short history: my mother grew up next door to her Tia J, who ran a very high-end bawdyhouse, shall we say? These ladies wore only the best fragrances of the day and somehow my mother took a dislike to couture fragrances because of the association – she said she wore inexpensive Coty fragrances for that very reason. Who knows? Maybe the ladies were mean to her….
Anyway, my first really serious “French perfume” purchase was Bal a Versailles and I guess I was a bit lavish in application. I came into the room and the first thing out of my mother's mouth was “Good grief! You smell like a wh*rehouse on payday!”
I giggle everytime I dab a bit of BaV on, in memory of my mother.
I tried on some Clive Christian number one, and my boyfriend promptly wrinkled up his nose and told me that it made me smell like “number two,” ha, ha! It does smell a little bit like the ladies powder room at an opera.
Opera? It's a hourse stable!
I once wore this scent I loved that was made from Mango and Coconut. I am a HUGE coconut fan. I had on the matching lotion and bath gel and the perfume oil. I thought I smell really good and summery, plus sexy. I went to a local hang out, and a lady I knew only from seeing her there over and over, but had never been introduced to her formly, said ” What is that sicking stinky smell?” I did not say anything and a gentlemen said, ” I think it is her perfume that you smell.” and then I respond, 'Does it smell like coconut?” and the woman said, “Yes, if that is what you call it, I think it smells strong and heady… real stenchy”. I then commented, thinking to myself how rude that was, that she did not even KNOW ME and had never talked to me prior, and her opnion was not asked for, “Well at least I bathed before I came out and did not smell of sweaty sex.” She then said, “Well I would rather smell of stinky sweaty sex, then what that smells like!” I thought that to be extremely rude and pretty private of a comment to make, from both of us, truly, but I figured she deserved the comment I made, not thinking she would even respond after that at all, let alone with her come-back, so strong and offensive. Funny how my perfume was offensive to her, yet in my opinion her comment was more so offensive.
Dawn in Pa
A lot of people are bothered by the smell of coconut: it can be *very* sickly. I probably wouldn't have said to you what she said, but I would have had to move away. I can't stand it, and if you used all those products at the same time, you must have smelled quite strongly of coconut (lotion + bath gel + oil = a bit of an overkill). I'm afraid I couldn't have been near you for more than a couple of seconds. You cannot really 'compare' smells with words, but smells can be just as offensive as rude words.
PS. People are always shocked when others have strong reactions to their perfume. ‘But but…it’s “perfume”’, they cry. Well, it may be perfume to you, but to me, since I don’t like it, it’s ‘a bad smell’. It’s like when one asks someone else to turn down their loud music. They’re always outraged. ‘It’s music.’ Sorry, to me, since I didn’t choose to hear it, it’s unwanted ‘noise’.
De gustatibus… etc.
PPS. Sorry, I'm very slow today. Completely forgot I had mentioned my hatred of coconut in a previous comment in this thread. (At least, you can tell, I'm consistent and not making it up as I go along, LOL!)
I only sit tight when there is no escape. When there is, I'm off that instant.
Bela/Dawn: Friday I wore (without pre-testing at home) a rose-incense scent to work. A friend immediately started a half-day commentary on my perfume…it got worse by the hour:
“Kevin…that smells like you. I like it… RICH….”
“Hmmm. That certainly is PERFUME isn't it?”
“Wow! KEV-IN! I can smell your perfume way over here.” (across the rather large office space).
later:
“You certainly don't need much of that perfume to make an impact.”
Finally I asked her if I had on too much scent and she said: “I like it…but I'd wear that out in the evening…to an, I don't know, outdoor event?, probably in cold weather? The office smells nice today though! Thank you!”
Needless to say I wanted to go home and take a shower. I felt like a human incense burner or gigantic candle all Friday. NOT a nice feeling. I was intruding on others' space. NEVERMORE! HA! Bela: I like your comparison of loud perfume to loud music.
Oh, K, you're so funny! I can just see it. LOL! (Thanks for that: it's really dismal here – looks like the end of the world.)
recently got SL Fumerie Turque (je l'adore!!) and on first wear, outside at a early evening social function, my husband whispered to me “wow, someone is smoking a cigar, it smells so sweet and amazing it's probably a really expensive one”….i turned to look around, flipping my hair at the same time, and he swooned, “oh my god it's you! wow that is delicious”….makes the fact that i grabbed the last 2 bottles at barney's well worth it 🙂
3xasif: I also grabbed when it was available…I'm a fan of Fumerie Turque too.