New perfume releases are getting ridiculous. I don’t mean the sheer number of them — although that’s mind boggling enough — I mean who is launching perfume. Scrolling through Now Smell This reveals notices from the usual celebrities and fashion houses announcing flankers and flankers of flankers, but also perfumes by seemingly every watch maker, mall shop, lingerie brand and car manufacturer out there. We’re even seeing fragrances from fast food restaurants and photographers. Clearly, ginning up a perfume and tossing it on the market is a must in every brand’s portfolio.
Who could possibly be next?
I’ve thought about it, and if Pizza Hut can do it, other brands are missing the boat by not launching their own scent. Listen up, marketing geniuses, for some sure-fire winners:
Tide laundry detergent: Many people love perfume that smells “clean and fresh, like laundry,” and nothing smells more like laundry than a fat box of Tide. Take all that clean musk, load it into a hot orange perfume bottle, smack on the Tide logo, and you have a runaway hit. Plus, Proctor & Gamble owns both Tide and Jean Patou. Talk about synergy!
Starbucks: Think about it. How often have are you in the kitchen at work filling your cup, and someone passing by says, “Nothing smells better than coffee in the morning”? Do you need more of a clue than that? At this point, Starbucks has pretty much infested the four corners of the Earth with stores stocked not just with coffee, but with CDs, mugs, and heaven knows what else. (Do they have their own book club yet? A collaboration with Oprah is in order here.) Perfume is the next logical step.
Tampax: The personal hygiene industry has already nailed the powdery-orange blossom-musk “Tampax fresh” accord. It’s time to divorce the scent from the product and sell it in a bottle. Ladies who aren’t in the mood to get friendly with their partners can spritz it on and plead “that time of month.”
Michelin: Here’s a double threat. On one hand, we have fancy “starred” restaurants and exotic travel evoking all sorts of glamour and prestige. On the other hand, tires. We all know there’s nothing like a good rubber note to lift a fragrance from the mundane to the cultish. The company could do better than the Michelin man to advertise their new perfume, though. A man made out of tires — yet, curiously, white — might be better replaced by a starlet.
Really, I’m shocked we haven’t seen these perfumes already. What about you? Who do you see releasing a new perfume?
Oh Angela, what fun! I was thinking of existing perfumes to go along with your list while I read this.
Tide or laundry detergent perfume to me = Cashmere Mist (I like it but it does smell like clean laundry to me)
Tampax = One of the Mariah Carey perfumes whose name escapes me at the moment.
Starbucks = Comptoir Sud Pacifique Vanille Mokha (I like the CSP better than the scent of Starbucks, which often smells burned around here lol)
And for my beloved tires = Bvlgari Black
So yeah, it seems like there’s lots of cross-breeding between functional fragrance and personal fragrance, but it is fun to find unique instances in either case. Glade (a budget home fragrance brand) has these little “oil warmer” candles that last for all of half an hour or so and attach to a magnetic base by a metal wick. The Vanilla Rose scent smells far more amazing than the name suggests–a spicy, almost incensy rose with obvious notes of carnation. I haven’t bought them in ages but if they’re still around, I really loved them. In reverse, I do love some of Tocca’s fabric washes. I love washing my sheets in Cleopatra. It is just lovely on a warm summer night.
I spray my sheets with Guerlain Eau Imperiale. It’s so nice!
You’ve made me very curious about the Glade Vanilla Rose, too! Maybe it’s the answer to my desire for a bottle of West End (which I know I’ll never buy).
Angela, can you tell me who makes West End? I can’t seem to find it on the internet?
I bet West End gets all sorts of hits–and none of them perfume! I’m talking about the Bond No. 9 fragrance.
Oh my goodness!
This is hillarious at first moment you read it but after a few seconds you realize it’s not funny anymore and that it’s actually sad that all these brands might flood us with their fume-like-things.
Can you imagine a perfume by Danone? A milky, musky and fruity scent?
Oh yes! Actually, I would love to smell that one!
Agreed. That would be an ideal comfort scent!
Yes!
I am shocked that there isn’t a Glade perfume yet, from the plug-in air freshener company.
I’m surprised, too, although I do see the downside of scenting yourself with something you use to deodorize the kitty box…
Oh, this is funny/horrifying! I just bought some Gain detergent and have to say, it smells really good; I wouldn’t wear it but I think somebody would. As for a Starbucks perfume, I’m really surprised that hasn’t happened yet as it seems like a natural extension of the brand. What I would like to see is a release of a body mist or something that smells like the original Dove beauty bar. I’ve often thought it smells better than a lot of perfumes out there.
I don’t remember that smell–but I want to smell it now! I do remember the tangy-clean scent of Irish Spring. Loved it. (Maybe it’s still on the market, I don’t know.)
I remember loving the smell of Camay and Cashmere Bouquet soaps when I was a kid. Now I don’t even use grocery store-bought soaps.
I only use finely milled French, Italian, Spanish and English soaps now. When you come down to it, they are not that expensive as they last 10 times longer than grocery store soaps.
Where I live is a small, artisan soap maker, and you can actually chop as large a chunk off her soaps as you’d like to buy them in bulk. They’re wonderful.
They still make Irish Spring soap, not sure if it still smells like the original. I remember those commercials with their fake irish accents LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjSNrg7T0Wo
I used to perform the Irish Spring commercial during dinner when I was in grade school! I still remember my dad saying, “Finished yet?”
Ringthing, you should check out Natori if you haven’t yet. It has this wonderful old-fashioned soapy quality to me. Not like Ivory soap, but it reminded me of Dove or the old Caress soap bars my grandmother used to have in her bathroom. It is such an amazing comfort scent! If you llike, I could send you samples of the edt and edp. Lmk if you’re interested and I’d be happy to do so.
Natori is kind of elegant, too.
So right with funny/horrifying. There is definitely a feminine-hygiene accord on the market, and it’s horrifying. Warn others, don’t use that stuff or your co-workers will avoid you. Dove, on the other hand, has a nice peaceful scent. Irish Spring says “I dare you’. My dad used Lifebuoy soap and the original Old Spice, a wonderful combination.
Maybe a bank scent – something with that inky paper money scent, musty and dirty, with hot metal and fear sweat
At one point I was a real sucker for a man who washed with Dial soap–the orange one.
Bank of America should take up your idea!
Angela, Dial makes me think of the doctor’s office! That and Phisohex, which is probably illegal now.
And I was thinking of that institution….
Oh yes, Phisohex, followed by Phisoderm! I’d completely forgotten about those.
Pledge: eau de bois et citron
Mr Clean: eau revigorant
Ms Clean…wait, there’s already a brand called Clean!
Oh, you are so right about Pledge! I love that smell.
With all the overly sweet fragrances released each year, there is one brand that needs to get in the game: KRISPY KREME!! Some sugar dripping gourmant with a deep-fried note…. Who could resist? (and no calories!!)
Could we also hope for an Eau de KD? Overly cooked pasta with an artificial cheese drydown.
Dawn could also come out with “Eau de Vaisselle”.
Krispy Kreme would kick Pink Sugar’s hind end! Good one.
Winners, all of these!
A few years ago, I’d have sworn Frito-Lay had a scent on the market. We were in Downtown Disney and a woman at the next table smelled just like a fresh bag of Frito’s (which my father thought smelled like dirty feet)!
I wouldn’t be surprised if we ended up hearing about Frito Lay’s scent, soon! Chili Cheese and regular. (I think my dog smells a little like Fritos, so of course I love it.)
1. Maison Francis Kurkdjian does in fact have a fine perfume detergent line so I guess Proctor and Gamble’s TIde brand could say “Turn Around’s Fair Play.”
2. I disagre with you about Starbucks. While I suspect they will probably release a fragrance, they are not going to sponsor any book clubs. Once upon a time, Star Bucks had little reading lounges with chairs to sit in and newspapers* to read, in the manner of a Viennese coffee house, which at least during the last century were places to lounge about all day and discuss the news of the day with friends. Then Starbucks realized that customers who lounged about all day while sipping one latte, were not exactly high profit margin customers. Gone were the comfy chairs and reading material. Soon came long lines and rapid fire coffee orders.
The last t hing Starbucks wants are clubs who meet at Starbucks to discuss reading.
* This was so long ago, that it was in the days of something called “newspapers.” These were large sheets of text and photos which were physically printed each, and physically distributed to subscribers and retailers for sale each day. By the next day, the entire text and photos would be replaced by new “news” (and ads); the old unsold copies would be deemed useless and the cycle would repeat.
3. Pehaps Tampax could form a joint venture with that fragrance line which supposedly matches a fragrance for your blood type or with ELO for a flanker to Magnificent Secretions.
Not only do I remember the days of lounge chairs in Starbucks, I remember when the Starbucks mermaid had breasts! In fact, to really date myself, I lived in Seattle when there were only three Starbucks in the entire world, and you couldn’t get a latte for a million dollars. Yes, the olden days. Back when there were newspapers…
As I describe what newspapers were (and are, I still enjoy actual printed papers), it occurs to me that this was an utterly bizzarre business model.
I am not a Starbucks fan, in part because of their prices, which seem overinflated for burnt coffee in a paper cup, and in part, because I live in a college town, where there are other coffee houses which do allow one to linger. Therefore I had never noticed that Starbucks had a mermaid who (from your description) is a double masectomy survivor. Perhaps all the water pollution has created a cancer issue for the mermaids.
Maybe some publishers who long for the old days when people bought their news can try to rebrand themselves into the fragrance industries.
The rather old-fashioned but eminently well made New York Times fragrances would have “All the Notes Fit to Smell”
The Chicago Tribune would be “Air of a Windy City”
The San Fransico Examiner, would be marry the cold iris of Iris Silver Midst, with an oceanic note.
The New York Daily News (a tabloid,known for its bold headlines) would be a very high sillage and vulgar but irresistible spicy rose whiles it rival the New York Post (another tabloid known for bold headlines, and spotty and often fatally inaccurate reporting – it recently posted some pictures of totally innocent students as announced they were Marathon bombers) would be one of those high sillage, vulgar and truly horrid cheap perfumes.
HA! I suppose if the clarion call of “CB I Hate Perfume” is any indication, the NEW AND IMPROVED fragrance of newspapers would be “I Hate Journalism.”
I’d buy a bottle! I do love that newspaper smell.
Yes, Starbucks is desperately over-roasted and over-priced. I have my own favorite local roasters from whom I buy beans and make my own regular coffee. I don’t need fancy espresso drinks. I figure if it was good enough for Johnny Cash, then it’s good enough for me.
Auntie Anne’s pretzels! Or Cinnabon perhaps. I just love that sort of “mall” smell that comes from the baking pretzels mixed with new clothing and generic perfume.
And on that “mall smell” note, perhaps add in a bit of movie theatre popcorn in there as well!
For some reason it sticks in my mind that Cinnabon may have already released a fragrance? I hope not!
Do you know “Lampe Berger”? It is a French home scent system which fights cigarette and kitchen odours and also claims to kill bacteria. They have got a wide range of scents – and amongst those there is also “Popcorn”!
I’ve heard about that system. But, popcorn? It would always remind me of the microwave at work!
Thank you, Angela! You are always so busy paying attention to all your readers! The Lampe Berger popcorn is mostly a caramel and vanilla affair, no microwave-smell… But didn’t Dior mention a popcorn-note in Miss Dior Chérie? I would not have noticed it by myself but after reading about this note there was a certain feeling to be perfumed in daring way…(Yes, at least it is daring when the girl in the advertisement is 14 years old (Elvis granddaughter) and you are already over 40 as in my case!)
I do seem to remember a caramel popcorn reference–or was it cotton candy? Something that had to do with fairs, anyway!
Ack! I have been waiting for this…Clean Warm Cotton smells EXACTLY like Tide. I like fresh florals, but this is Eau De Laundry. I don’t think Demeter could do a better job. Fun topic Angela.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post! I love it when clothes smell like sun and fabric and not like clean musk, but I think I’m in the minority.
I like it when my whites retain a little bit of the fragrance of bleach. Now that smells clean!
Much cleaner than laundry detergent, which to me simply smells deodorized.
MONEY in an extrait de parfum (notes of completely natural, hand-harvested sandalwood, oud, and ambergris) from Goldman Sachs, sold in 400 ml crystal splash flask for $88,888.
VIGUEUR as an eau de toilette (notes of Sea, Salt, and Sweat) from the makers of Viagra, sold as solid perfume in lozenge packets, 10 ml each, for $36.
BON APPETIT as an eau de parfum (notes of Red Pepper, Black Pepper, Rosemary, Citrus, and Cumin) from Gordon Ramsey, sold as an aerosol spray in 40 ml, 60 ml, 80 ml, 100 ml, 200 ml and 300 ml canisters, for $45 to $350, however cable subscribers to the Gordon Ramsey Channel receive a free 300 ml canister with their renewal contract.
PISTOL METH as an après la guerre powder (notes of civet musk, musky musk, and musk) from the NRA, sold in powder boxes, 50 g, for $5.
LIVING in parfum, eau de parfum, and eau de toilette concentrations (notes of Matisse, Camp, and Banana) from Martha Stewart, sold in monochrome metal spray flasks, your choice of beige, rouge, sky blue, fir or walnut, at Macy’s or for half the price at JC Penny’s.
BON MOT as a cologne (notes of Paper, Leather, and Wild Turkish Flying Carpet) from the editors of NST, 400 words or less, in exchange for a good laugh.
Thanks Angela for giving me an excellent excuse to procrastinate on my work!
accidentally replied to you below!
These are hilarious! All Prix Eau Faux worthy. And, hey, maybe the US mint could launch the money scent and cut the deficit with its sales!
Daisy Buchanan, the heroine (or villian, depending upon your point of view) of the Great Gatsby is described as having of voice “full of money.” She’d make a great fictional “face” for your Money perfume. (And, by the way,why is there no perfume for new film version of the Great Gatsby?). While Goldman Sachs may seem riduculously rich, the government will ensure its success by forcing all the other perfumes to merge. (Banking regulation joke).
There may already be an NRA fragrance. If you so, you’ll pry it from supporters’ cold, dead, but deliciously fragrant hands.
Banking + Hollywood + classic literature + perfume? Not bad!
Ah, you just reminded me of a Lehman Brothers eau de toilette, TOO BIG TO FAIL, which although the bottle has an uncanny resemblance to Spice Bomb, the fact that it is 38″ in length and weighs 26 pounds, gave the courts pause on finding patent infringement. The notes for this mother of all perfumes include all manner of international currency. Larry Summers, describing it as “the smell of money” also hinted that although the fragrance can be worn by women, they may not be biologically the best match for this challenging fragrance. Tim Geitner said it was about how banks have been operating for years….”rich, confident, and extremely profitable.” TOO BIG TO FAIL is just that, and with the support of everyone’s tax dollars this perfume will offer no small change. “It’s the sillage smelled around the world,” one Wall Street fan gushed!
BRILLIANT!! I’m serious. I hope you do this professionally!
Great work, ‘Fresca!
I would love a chocolate based sent from Godiva.. or even slum it with Lindt. Though, we are more likely to see Hershey’s partner with Demeter.
Truly, I would not be one bit surprised to see a chocolate fragrance from Godiva. But have you tried the Aftelier Chocolate-Saffron body oil? It’s fabulous and very rich.
Holy cow! That Aftelier Chocolate Saffron body oil sounds divine!
It is!
http://store.hersheypa.com/signature-spa-body-products-c53.aspx
(Not perfumes but close!)
It was bound to happen!
Hershey’s has partnered with Demeter: http://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Demeter-Fragrance/Hershey-s-Special-Dark-7730.html
Why am I not surprised??
Go to Ca Fleur Bon (an amazing blog, specializing in niche, including very small brands). Today’s lead entry:”MAY 6, 2013
New Niche Fragrance Review: Olympic Orchids California Chocolate & Seattle Chocolate + A Tasty Gourmand Perfume Draw” It discusses both chocolate and coffee fragrance collaborations.”
Nice coincidence! Thanks for the link.
VIGUEUR as an eau de toilette (notes of Sea, Salt, and Sweat) from the makers of Viagra, sold as solid perfume in lozenge packets, 10 ml each, for $36.
– No, don’t do it! I’m already receiving junk mail ads for it!
Although this:
however cable subscribers to the Gordon Ramsey Channel receive a free 300 ml canister with their renewal contract.
And this:
metal spray flasks, your choice of beige, rouge, sky blue, fir or walnut, at Macy’s or for half the price at JC Penny’s.
are perfect! If I was Ramsey or the owner of Living I would hire you on the spot.
You’re so right! Oakland Fresca has a sick genius for it.
Ha, I liked this!
Also: gas stations. How many times are you pulling away in your car when either you or someone in the car exclaims “love! love the smell of pumped gas!” goes along nicely with the “new car smell” which admitedly already exists.
Great post!
Yes! Get that “Shell Smell.” Could be a good jingle!
HdP Petroleum is what you’re looking for.
Then it’s been done!
This would kind of close the loop on LT’s prediction that as the functional fragrances get better and better, and perfumes get more and more cheapened, the day will come when functional products smell better than perfume.
What I’d actually like to see is National Parks launching their own perfumes, preferably starting with Muir Woods (which smells so incredible).
I love the smell of the California Bay Laurels there!
Fresh bay is terrific.
Juniper Ridge has Backpacker’s Cologne and solid perfume. I’ve only tried their soaps and incense, but I think that their fragrances could remind one of a National Park. See http://juniperridge.com/.
Thanks, Kindcrow! It’s good to know that the wonderful scent came from the laurels. I’ll have to check out the Juniper Ridge scents.
I see that http://surrendertochance.com/ has samples of the Juniper Ridge Backpacker’s Colognes — I want the coffret!
Oh yes–wonderful idea! I’d love to smell desert, ocean, rock, woods–all the fabulous smells of the parks.
I love the National Parks idea! The smells of hiking are so amazing. I’d say I’m so fond of Vétiver because it smells like the rainforest. And Eau d’Hadrien feels like walking by the Mediterranean sea.
Hiking by the sea sounds so marvelous right now…
I think Demeters has got the job cut out for most of them, am I right? But honestly though, a great authentic coffee fragrance wouldn’t be so bad. Well, until they start naming their flankers by beans origin “Starbucks L’eau de Guatemala, Kenya…”
I like a coffee note sometimes, but as a sole-note fragrance I’m not so sure. I do love smelling my morning cup, though.
Angela, Hilde Soliani has a fragrance which is almost a sole coffee fragrance. It’s coffee and tobacco and it’s lovely (Bell Antonio)
I love the idea of mixing in a bit of tobacco! I’ll have to put this one on my list to sample.
How about the scent of those German roasted almonds in fairs and malls? My two scents from Bourbon French come close, but not quite there. There is also a local ice cream shop that makes its own ice cream and cones/edible dishes called Melting Moments. It is absolute heaven to walk by that store and I would love that scent.
I’ve never had German roasted almonds, but they sound delicious!
These roasted almonds are made with butter, cinnamon, vanilla and lots of sugar – a thick brown coat of stone-hard sugar with some burnt spots. And traditionally we eat them at Christmas markets here in Germany (and sometimes on other fun fairs). They are a real danger to your teeth… Are they sold in the US too? I am interested!
Acqua di Parma has a great almond scent: Mandorlo die Sicilia, but it reminds me more of marzipan (which is also a delicious smell).
We have butter toffee peanuts, but they don’t sound quite as good as your almonds. (They may be equally dangerous to teeth, though.)
Maybe the Starbucks perfume idea from my 2012 Prix Eau Faux entry could become a reality
!
https://nstperfume.com/2012/04/28/le-prix-eau-faux-2012-a-few-more-entries/
I think you really had something there….
Really, everything is possible Angela. If even the scent of a certain woman’s part has been already bottled and sold, everything else is a possibility. And if you think, all you mentioned could be even inspiration for Demeter scents.
Someone mentioned Danone, my child side got quite curious about this smell lol It’d be lovely if worked right.
This made me think that i noticed, while cleaning the dirty produced by my dogs, that the lemon disinfectant that i use to this smells pretty much like a woody citrus massmarket fragrance. If more concentrated and bottled, and with the right name and models on the ad, it could be a hit.. To see in which direction we are heading in fragrances in a not so distant future….
I like the Danone idea, too!
Now that you’ve related your dog clean-up story, I’m thinking about my cleaning products and how they smell. I have a window cleaner with a nice rose-geranium scent, but that’s all.
And this made me think why we didn’t have any bakery doing their fragrance yet (if there is one, please let me know).
Oh yes. That would be very popular, I’d think.
Lemon Cloud (Nuvol de Llimona) by Roca was developed by a pastry chef, I think. It sounds delicious. http://www.luckyscent.com/shop/section/1/item/56300/brand/Roca_Perfums/Lemon_Cloud_%28Nuvol_de_Llimona%29.html.
I’m getting so hungry right now. Yikes!
Isn’t JLo Glow already what the ideal Tampax smell is?
There’s definitely a hint of it there….
Someone had juicy fruit gum at work and I love that smell! I bet they could bottle that and sell to the younger market.
Try Nuit de Tubereuse! It has a definite Juicy Fruit hit, in my opinion.
Also try Bed Head hair products.
This is sort of our fault, everyone. Companies are seeing an uptick in fragrance purchases and are thinking “Wow! Look at our sales — half our profits are from perfume!”
They think there’s now a huge market they must account for, when it’s really just 100 of us buying up all the perfume ;).
We’re the one percent! At least we are, perfume-wise.