New perfume releases are getting ridiculous. I don’t mean the sheer number of them — although that’s mind boggling enough — I mean who is launching perfume. Scrolling through Now Smell This reveals notices from the usual celebrities and fashion houses announcing flankers and flankers of flankers, but also perfumes by seemingly every watch maker, mall shop, lingerie brand and car manufacturer out there. We’re even seeing fragrances from fast food restaurants and photographers. Clearly, ginning up a perfume and tossing it on the market is a must in every brand’s portfolio.
Who could possibly be next?
I’ve thought about it, and if Pizza Hut can do it, other brands are missing the boat by not launching their own scent. Listen up, marketing geniuses, for some sure-fire winners:
Tide laundry detergent: Many people love perfume that smells “clean and fresh, like laundry,” and nothing smells more like laundry than a fat box of Tide. Take all that clean musk, load it into a hot orange perfume bottle, smack on the Tide logo, and you have a runaway hit. Plus, Proctor & Gamble owns both Tide and Jean Patou. Talk about synergy!
Starbucks: Think about it. How often have are you in the kitchen at work filling your cup, and someone passing by says, “Nothing smells better than coffee in the morning”? Do you need more of a clue than that? At this point, Starbucks has pretty much infested the four corners of the Earth with stores stocked not just with coffee, but with CDs, mugs, and heaven knows what else. (Do they have their own book club yet? A collaboration with Oprah is in order here.) Perfume is the next logical step.
Tampax: The personal hygiene industry has already nailed the powdery-orange blossom-musk “Tampax fresh” accord. It’s time to divorce the scent from the product and sell it in a bottle. Ladies who aren’t in the mood to get friendly with their partners can spritz it on and plead “that time of month.”
Michelin: Here’s a double threat. On one hand, we have fancy “starred” restaurants and exotic travel evoking all sorts of glamour and prestige. On the other hand, tires. We all know there’s nothing like a good rubber note to lift a fragrance from the mundane to the cultish. The company could do better than the Michelin man to advertise their new perfume, though. A man made out of tires — yet, curiously, white — might be better replaced by a starlet.
Really, I’m shocked we haven’t seen these perfumes already. What about you? Who do you see releasing a new perfume?