As promised, just for fun here are some of the entries for the 2012 Prix Eau Faux that didn't make it to the finals — if you missed it, we've already announced this year's winner. I've only posted entries from authors who asked to be included, and they're listed below in the order in which they were received. If you entered the contest and want me to add your entry to the list below, just let me know!
OnomaTopoeia by Onoma Topoeia (by Lucasai)
Self titled “self-indulgence queen”, Onoma Topoeia, returns after two years of so-called-fighting with her constant cravings, just to introduce us to her debut perfume, OnomaTopoeia. “I just couldn’t resist temptation! I wanted to share a part of me with my greatest fans and I don’t care that my two-year therapy didn’t give any results as long as people adore me as much as I adore myself.”
This perfume is supposed to make you go “oh!” and make others go “ah!” and “o la la!” in the loudest, most inappropriate way. Carefully selected ingredients, such as white chocolate, brandy, burnt cinnamon bark and 6 more notes, that are still top secret, are said to be an ultimate cacophony weapon! Prepare to experience the sounds you have never thought they existed, as OnomaTopoeia* effuses it’s weird, and a little bit promiscuous aura.
*- ears and hearing damage may occur.
Woodylicious by Fragato (by Lucasai)
Fragrato
Born from the passion of balance. Ying and yang, love and hatred, creation and destruction. Founded by an eccentric person, Mister G. Sonderling, who fled from the army during tactical operation in Lithuania to join Paraguayan wandering ballet troop called Dante’s Divine Donkeys.
Woodylicious
Inspiration for this fragrance comes from G. Sonderling himself, as he spent 12 days and nights in the forest of Cherwood, hiding from his comrades. This fragrance evokes the feeling of sleeping on the Mother’s Nature belly in the dark, lone woods. Composition combines notes of wolfwood, deerwood, moonwood, dried oakmoss, spruce cone, wild berries and a hint of vetiver, wormy-like style. Feel the authentic freshness and purity of unchanged nature as you dive into its twisted molecules. Woodylicious will hit the market as 25, 50, 75mL eau de toilette with matching body & hair products; free samples available via our website.
Reactant by ChemiO Corp. (by Lucasai)
In ChemiO Corp. our passion for chemical synthesis knows no bounds. We, chemists of ChemiO Corp. create a better, improved version of scents given us by Mother Nature. Mother Nature 2.0, that’s how fragrances should be really done!
ChemiO Corp. brings you their first creation – Reactant. Pure chemistry, 100% artificial, natural-like ingredients. The glass bottle hides bergamotentol, lemonal and eucalyllon in the top notes, minten, iraldehyde, nerolum ketone as heart notes, all standing on the stable base of sandin and benzacolan.
Begin the unstoppable chain reaction of winks, compliments, mysterious letters, attraction and total infatuation with the very first spritz of Reactant. We can start the reaction, but the rest is up to you.
Fumée Incredible Fumée du Printemps en Crise Extrème Elixir Secret (by Nile Goddess)
Fumée Incredible is launching their debut fragrance, Fumée du Printemps en Crise Extrème Elixir Secret, on the 21st of March.
Fumée du Printemps en Crise Extrème Elixir Secret is a fun way to celebrate spring as a cleansing and renewing ritual. The flacon is hidden in a 100% recyclable tree-trunk shaped wooden shell with a squirrel on top - press squirrell to squirt.
Fumée du Printemps en Crise Extrème Elixir Secret is a smoky herbal fragrance and it has top notes of freesia, hyacinth and narcissus, middle note of pine smoke, rosemary and sweet basil, and a base of frankincense, orris, leather accord and pine resin. It was developed together with the great grandson of The Great Smoky Rock Master, a Native American Chief famous for his smoke cleansing rituals. His most potent recipe serves as an inspiration for this fragrance.
Fumée du Printemps en Crise Extrème Elixir Secret is available in flacons of 30, 50 and 100 ml. $5 of every purchase goes towards the Native American Reservations Foundation.
O’dare’s Eggrot (by Merlin)
From its basement headquarters in Paris, O’dare carries out its covert operations: both a systematic undermining of the pretensions of classic perfumery, and, an expose of modern vacuity. Eggrot, O’dare’s first perfume not only subverts, but actually nullifies the traditional perfume pyramid. Top, middle and base notes are conflated, in Eggrot, to one persistent hydrogen-sulfur accord. Eggrot is a deep down belly laugh at the type of olfactory prettiness that society so hotly pursues; a dark howl at the trammels of conventional aesthetics. Bottled in an organic compound, formulated to encourage and support the growth of mould, Eggrot is a tribute to biodiversity and promotes not only a wider conception of the notion of what smells good, but is aimed to also stretch our ideas about what looks good. For those who have been numbed by the endless variations on the vanilla theme, and those averse to fruity concoctions, Eggrot offers a true break from perfumery as we know it: Eggrot, dare we say it - is fresh!
L’AniMale by Scentalogy (by Lucasai)
Scentalogy, on the edge of reasonable style & fashion senses introduces L’AniMale, the 1st perfume designed for men. We know there’s a wild beast deep inside every man, so why don’t you release it? No matter if it’s a frustrated baboon, psychedelic lion or a bouncing tiger. L’AniMale was crafted to let your inner beast come out of the closet, wild, for a while. Feel and let others feel it’s mighty roar as L’AniMale takes supreme domination of the situation, guiding you to the main prey. Combined aromas of sandalwood, mint and bitter orange boost your confidence while spices and tobacco are an opposite sex magnet. Free your hidden, carefree wilderness with every step of your unleashed savage nature and control the concrete city jungle.
Les Habits Neufs de L’Empereur (The Emperor’s New Clothes) by Hans Christian Andersen (by prettykitty1)
Trained at the distilleries of Grasse and the laboratories of Paris, a sly and gifted perfumer from Denmark returns to his roots by launching a fragrance house named for a celebrated countryman: Hans Christian Andersen.
Andersen brings unprecedented wonder and whimsy to the art of perfumery with the debut fragrance, Les Habits Neufs de L’Empereur, part of the 2012 Fairytale Collection. An infallible touchstone of olfactory sophistication, Les Habits contains a patented blend of ingredients to which 99 percent of the population is tragically anosmic. Noses that are patrician enough to perceive this ultra-sheer, evanescent skin scent will detect apple-green envy and gilded lily, followed by clean musk and precious woods, and culminating in a denouement of smoldering frankincense and hubris. When a $300* flacon of the exceedingly subtle Les Habits occupies a space on your vanity and in your heart, it makes a powerful statement: that you are among the 1 percent.
*Sorry, no refunds are available to the anosmic.
Clint Etna Plaid Flannel (by Donnie)
"Authenticity is my trip," says Clint Etna, legendary coffee roaster, you-can't-eat-there chef, and sometime guitarist for post-dada-alt-metal band Narratology. "I mean, I quit roasting single-estate coffee and went to single-shrub-tweezer-harvested beans what, like four months ago? My 23-hour beef chin braise is brilliant, but don't try to make it at home because you can't. So when I thought of doing fragrance, it had to be authentic all the way, cause I refuse to decorate my beard with fake crap."
Chef Clint's first frag under his new Steampunk rubric is Plaid Flannel, "cause nothing says real like my vintage Woolrich." In the new cologne, available exclusively through selected bicycle co-ops, the aroma of artisanal pickle brine seeps into a haze of basement-cured pork belly and overdriven Fender Dual Reverb amplifier, all grounded by an old-school ether extraction absolute of rare 1976 Pumas in suede. Clint says, "Whether you're in Brooklyn or Portland, you'll be rockin it."
Basic Instinct By Clinchi (by Merlin)
Clinchi, a new Italian company, is headed by three sexologists who, having begun experimenting in the sensual aspect of scent many years ago, wished to share some of their most effective discoveries with the world. Their first fragrance, Basic Instinct, has top notes of pulsing pink pepper and cardamom, charging the air around the wearer’s skin, sending subliminal messages of erotic potential and excitement. With sultry ylang-ylang in the heart to soften the effect, an undertone of Moroccan rose ensures that the seductive tension is maintained. Resinous and musky, the long dry down ensures there is no regret by promoting feelings of affection and intimacy and enhancing the capacity for post-coital delusion. Basic Instinct is available in the No Strings 2ml disposable spray, the Fling, a 5ml spray, and the Lets Move in Together and Hump like Bunnies, golden 30ml bottle. The last entitles the buyer to a month’s supply of free contraception.
$centbuck$ by $tarbuck$ - Introducing The $mell of $uce$$ (by hajusuuri)
In a much anticipated move for world dominance, $tarbuck$ CEO Ismael Good introduced $centbuck$, a new line of coffee-based perfume. "Our coffee noses already search the world for the finest beans, why not use them to source the best ingredients for perfume at the same exotic locations?" $centbuck$ by $tarbuck$ uses 100% ethically sourced ingredients. All $tarbuck$ stores will be retrofitted with a Perfumista Bar where customers can sample $centbuck$ products while sipping their favorite drinks.
The $mell of $uce$$, the first $centbuck$ offering, opens with a burst of lemon which quickly dissipates to envelope you in roasted coffee beans and a hint of tobacco, patchouli and amber. The $mell of $ucce$$ can be worn by men and women and comes in four roast profiles: Light (Eau de Cologne), Medium (Eau de Toilette), Dark (Eau de Parfum) and Reserve (Extrait).
Felon by Penitentiary (by Pinkster)
Rough, rebellious...dangerous: for the man who refuses to play by the rules, the new family-owned perfume house Penitentiary presents Felon. Inspired by the raw and visceral nature of a life behind bars, Felon grabs life by the throat and beats it into submission.
At first spray, primal Tonkin musk assaults your nose with the alluring scent of pure masculinity, even as your most intimate places are caressed by the rough rasp of oakmoss, like the kiss of a bearded man. An aura of endangered sandalwood envelops you, flaunting your physical power, demanding utter respect.
Felon is a 2012 exclusive: only 2012 bottles will ever be made. Beg, borrow, or steal one of your own before it's too late.
Felon...
...for life.
Eternal Embrace by Dusk (by Pinkster)
His eyes are dark with need, his hypnotic gaze caressing trembling skin- he is the night, and you are his prey. Eternal Embrace is the scent of hunger, a primal call to the beast that slumbers at the heart of every man. As the debut fragrance of the mysterious new perfume house Dusk, Eternal Embrace will capture your heart and never let go.
The scene opens on the petals of a black rose, strewn across the plush velvets and blood-stained sheets of a ravished bower. A trail of musk leads to a naked woman lying on a silken bed- dead, or only sleeping? Her lover reclines beside her, his alabaster skin glistening in the moonlight with inhuman luster. A hint of leather completes the scent, tying a love-knot between predator and prey.
Each bottle of Eternal Embrace is custom-made with a drop of blood, chosen by you and sent to our Seattle headquarters via express post.
Ego by Imperator Parfums (by Pinkster)
Resting firmly on the bleeding edge of fine fragrance innovation is the new perfume house Imperator Parfums. Their debut perfume, Ego, demonstrates to their customers a deep commitment to an ultra-modern aesthetic.
What is more sensual than your lover's naked flesh, more alluring than the scent of sun-kissed skin? Finally, Imperator Parfums has the answer: anoint yourself with Ego, draw its scent deep into your lungs, and what you will experience is nothing less than the essence of yourself, your innermost psyche revealed.
With only a few discreet dabs you will feel your confidence blossom as you are enveloped in a cloud of your deepest desires, your dirtiest secrets, your purest intentions. Reveal yourself to the world, let us marvel at your spirit- there will never be a scent that defines you more than this wonder of chemical engineering, created with a single novel molecule known as dihydrogen monoxide.
What is better than your own natural scent?
Nothing.
Chez-Vous (by Colette)
May we present a different kind of fragrance for the modern way of living; dedicated to on-the-go professionals who live for - and at - their work, we fill an unexpressed need for personal centering with Chez-Vous, the newest aesthetic in haute perfumery. With our exclusive line of scents, our clients can now take the once-familiar aromas of home life with them everywhere they go. In the coming months you will be able to experience Chambre de Malade, Laundrette, Réchauffé, Chien Mouille and more as we seek out the most inconvenient boutiques to stock our range.
Our first offering is Planche à Repasser, a steamy concoction of freshly pressed broadcloth shirts, singed taffeta, ruined silk dupioni, eau de lavande and the brow perspiration of only the most nubile and obedient au pair girls from the 8th and 16th arrondissements of Paris. It will be available in Eau de Toilette, a solid perfume compact, and amusingly enough, Parfum d'ambience for those who appreciate irony.
Epifanique by Quabalalicious (by Merlin)
Since the first sweet breath of life was puffed into Adam, man’s most natural route to the divine has been via the nostrils: through these two hairy portals we inhale the whole world. Two Californian mystics have founded Quabalalicious to assist humanity in realizing its basic urge towards transcendence, transforming consciousness one sniff at a time.
Premier fragrance, - Epifanique –, opens like a lotus blossom in the highest level of the soul; bracing carnation, and a pinch of salt suggesting desert ascetics and musty nun skirts. Lead on by a date and honey accord, but still subject to unsettling slaps of vetiver, the dedicated devotee perseveres until, tenderized by tribulation, the soul is receptive to The Secret, a dark oud vibrating deep in the psychic body, transmitting resinous rays through the seven astral sheaths.
More than a perfume –Epiphanique - is a religious revelation available in a 5ml key-ring spray for $35, and, for the faithful, in a Swarovski studded 50ml bottle with a free Quabalalicious amulet, for $400
Update: and more additions ~
Still Crazy After All these Years (by Celestia)
Inaugurated in 1992, the House of Bedlam is dedicated to reproducing the quirky scents of an insane asylum. Their premier offerings were “Nucking Futs”, an EDP, and its fetid flanker “Sheer: Lunacy” EDT, which were completely irrational renderings of the stale, must–laden air that refuses to leave the padded cells. The unbalanced notes assaulted the nostrils with a barking-mad mix of sweat and urine. Idiotic pink pepper and loony lychee wafted you to the brink of insanity. The fecal moldy drydown left you livin’ on the edge. Now, for our twenty-year anniversary, we’ve reinterpreted the original and relaunched it as “Still Crazy After All These Years”. Try it as you descend into madness; you’ll be committed! Presented in an eau de toilette for ditzy spritzing, it is also available in a room spray which is handy when the psycho in-laws visit.
Cravache, a new Exclusively American design house presents their debut fragrance, A Tree in the Ouds (by KateReed)
Begun by a team of ardent perfume lovers from the exurbs of a small city in the Midwest, the minds behind Cravache grew up around the natural fragrances of traditional American farm life. Inspired by these smells of their childhood, they indulged on wild, fantastical trips to all the places of myth and legend: Samarkand, Xanadu, Lemuria, Shambala and Thule. Physically rooted firmly in the real world, they nevertheless translated the essence of the auras of these wondrous, imaginary kingdoms into the hyperreality of A Tree in the Ouds.
A daring modern chypre with a heart of rare spices, sacred rose, blessed oud and earthy patchouli, A Tree in the Ouds will take you on a mystical, magical journey, to a dream world that never was!
WhoosonFurste, by Slammin Whiph (by gr8belief)
All Star base-note-hitter Slammin Whiph hit it out of the park with his launch of WhoosonFurste, his new major league fragrance. For the man who wants to play hardball, this juice slams the fence with strong top spins of verdant green fieldnotes, a dusty, chalky-white middle, finishes with swaggery, illegal tobacco spit, and warm summer sweat throws a foulball into the drydown – either making you run for the showers or steal your clean-up hitter. Wanting a trip to first base on a first date - WhoosonFurste might be the cologne that gets you there. Silage takes you through extra innings until finally exhausting itself into a farm-team chypre, begging for another spritz. Can it step up to the plate and play in the big leagues? WhoosonFurste is a real man’s scent, ready to pinch hit on any deck. If you can close your eyes and smell the ping of aluminum bouncing off discarded sunflower seeds laying on astroturf, dripping with blood from a so-called pitcher error, then you are man enough to splash WhoosonFurste.
I am posting my non-entry (didn´t make it to the final date) again… 🙂
La Maison du Clean is a fragrance house established in Tokyo, that represents the asian obsession with subtle scents. We specialize in ULTRAPURE materials and a penchant for melancholy.
Rei Kabuki, our founder, became famous for his art installations, taking long cold baths at dawn in early spring at the base of Mount Fuji, crying while listening to Coldplay in the rain.
Our debut fragrance, BODyRAiN is inspired in those chilling mornings where the air of Fuji San descends in frosty rivulets, searing the skin with the pureness of nature, stripping away the foulness of modern life and replacing it with the anomaly of sadness, which relieves us from our sins.
Top Notes: Oud Wood Middle Notes: Oud Wood Base Notes: Oud Wood
*snicker* My entry was an oud too, though not nearly as good as yours! I suppose I might as well say, go ahead and post it, Robin! I guess it might be fun to see what everyone else thinks.
Done!
BODyRAin is brilliant! It makes me smile every time I read it.
And OMG! I am still laughing with all these wonderful entries!
Bergamotentol,”old-school ether extraction absolute of rare 1976 Pumas in suede”, these are my favourites hehehehehe
HILARIOUS. I don’t know how the judges made it through all these wonderful entries.
Well done to all the entrants. I had a good giggle!
These are absolutely gorgeous! I just had so much fun reading them all. I even laughed reading my own pieces after some time.
Nile Goddess, I really like your perfume. You got me with a squirell sprayer top!
Good job everyone! We all really deserved to be in the finals, the judges really had to take some hard decisions! You are all winners to me!
These are such fun to read! And, um, I seriously would like to sample The $mell of $ucce$$, in Dark – actually, I might want a full bottle.
Hee! I’m tempted to experiment with making my own coffee-based perfume.
Wow. These were awesome too! You all should be proud of yourselves. There’s not a bad one in the bunch. I had another good laugh today over these. Great stuff.
I can now understand what a tough task the judges had on their hands. These are hilarious! Bravo!
Slap me with a vetiver! These are great. Mad props to all who had the courage to send in an entry or otherwise post their creative efforts!
Thanks to all for major efforts.
My favs-
Iraldehyde: does it make you angry?
Printemps en Crise-wow, what a concept. and the squirrel!
Smoldering frankincense and hubris: I wanna buy it.
But dihydrogen monoxide-don’t think I can afford it.
Long before I got to the final line of the Plaid Flannel ad copy, I was thinking that it sounded just like Portland, Oregon! You really nailed the hipster references on that one.
Thank you. I just thought some of those guys with the lumberjack beards were reaching the age where they might like a signature scent.
Iraldehyde was supposed to bring you an artificial smell of iris, or that was my concept.
Clearly the judges had a tough job – all the entries have been so funny!
I loved reading all these! They’re like Lay’s potato chips– you can’t eat just one.
Mmm, I could go for a Starbucks perfume!
So good! Thank you all for the chuckles. I laughed out loud at Felon by Penetentiary, it took me by surprise. They were all so fun to read. Keep writing!
I must have the Onoama or whatever!!
I am wishing on a STAR FOR SOME XERJOFF (spelling)
It will be mine
The funniest thing to me about many of these entries is that even whilst laughing heartily, my mind is actively trying to concoct the picture of the scent. Just what would gilded lily smell like? 🙂
(you may add my entry “WhoosonFurste, by Slammin Whiph” if you think the stink wouldn’t be too much.)
Ok, done!