• About
  • Login to comment
    • Bluesky
    • RSS
    • Twitter

Now Smell This

a blog about perfume

Menu ▼
  • Perfume Reviews
  • New Perfumes
  • Archives

Prix Eau Faux 2010 ~ help us select the winner

Posted by Robin on 13 April 2010 108 Comments

Here they are, the finalists for the 2010 Prix Eau Faux, our contest to honor creative fragrance writing or “faux ad copy” (you can read about the contest here). Huge thanks to everyone who entered!

The judges (me, Angela, Christine, Kevin, Erin and Jessica from Now Smell This, and Tania Sanchez of Perfumes: The Guide) have whittled the field of 65 entries down to 5 finalists.

In order to make this as fair as possible, I won't post the names of the entrants until after the winner is selected, and I respectfully ask that the entrants not “campaign” for votes here or elsewhere…just let the best entry win. Votes will be taken through 11 pm (Eastern Time) Thursday, and I'll announce the winner on Saturday.

Here are the entries, presented in the order in which they were received:

Apple iSmell

Apple has revolutionized the world through technological innovation, through products such as the iPod, iPhone, and most recently, the iPad. Now, Apple has accomplished the ultimate achievement by bottling Steve Jobs’ patented reality distortion field into a new fragrance: iSmell. Not only is iSmell the first fragrance with Apple’s Multi-Sniff technology, but iSmell is covered by over 200 patents worldwide. It features notes of Macintosh Apple, Forest Stewardship Council-certified woods, and 18 secret ingredients. Also, iSmell is housed in a unibody aluminum enclosure originally developed for the MacBook Pro.

Apple iSmell is available immediately at Apple Stores and Sephora for the price of $179 for 30 mL and $279 for 50 mL.

Divine Discharge by Mary Shelley Sillage Monsters

Conceptual artist Nikita Feminista (best known for her exhibit “Knees Wide Open”) has now thrown an unshaven leg over the fragrance industry with the creation of Mary Shelley Sillage Monsters, a house inspired by Ms. Feminista’s favorite gothic novelist. The first release:

Divine Discharge
Dewdrops and boreal moss slumber beneath Polaris’s gaze as the Sovereign Illuminator crests the Arctic horizon on a coach of solar wind. Northern Lights blow violet atoms across gossamer pinwheels to meet rising banks of rubicund steam—smelling, for all the world, like Dom Perignon ejaculated over molten iron ore. Volcanic earthen ovens fuse with the night sky in varicose braids of citron radiance, slagging shards from the firmament as charcoal candy to coruscate against clouds of semolina ash.  “Divine Discharge is perfect for today’s boardroom, bedroom, barracks, and bridal circus,” declares Ms. Feminista, who offered to breastfeed other women’s children during a recent promotional visit at New York’s Saks Fifth Avenue.

Ecce Homo by Parfums Irrationalité

Born of Friedrich Nietzsche’s assertion that “"The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it," Parfums Irrationalité offers a series of fine eaux de parfum inspired by the thoughts, lives, and Weltanschauungs of 18th- and 19th-century German philosophers. One drop will enable the wearer to experience the apotheosis of Nietzsche’s mountain summit, the daring critique of Kant’s pure reason, or the sweetly fussy playfulness of Schopenhauer’s beloved pet poodles.

Ecce Homo, the first Parfum Irrationalité, is dedicated to Nietzsche. It opens with a browbeating bouquet of bitter mountain herbs laced with Sturm-und-Drang, a reminder that only through suffering can one achieve greatness. The greatness of Ecce Homo soars in its heart: A triumphant accord of icy gray Alpine wind and golden sunset musk. But all is thwarted as the drydown descends into a syphilitic mental cacophony of dying lichen and Prussian churchyard earth. A matching deodorant is also available.

Rube Goldberg Gold, Produced by Unconventional Air Craft

Squeeze the bulb atomizer … a Gatling gun volley of sparkling aldehyde molecules with the hangtime of a Dennis Rodman signal the mischievous Pucks of Perfume to start their fragrant game by toppling a wicker trug chock-full of Parson’s Pink Roses whose petals tumble as confetti, alighting on the surface of a Waterford punch bowl brimming with Schmitt Sohne Rheinhessen Eiswein whose overflow saturates a scroll impressed with Robert Browning’s “Heap cassia, sandal-buds and stripes,” causing the lambskin parchment to grow lax and unfurl until it extinguishes a Rafael Gonzales Cuban whose last bit of ash tumbles and lies smoldering on the English Regency leather desk where many a pretty French maid has diaphoresed owing to the little death.

Beautiful Smells the Revenge...ha ha ha by The House of von Hoffhoster von Hosterhoff

1653: The townspeople mocked Count Nicholas von Hoffhoster von Hosterfhoff for his prodigious nose...

But he poured his time and energy, the entirety of his family fortune, and the rarest and finest ingredients from all over the world, into something that would be unforgettable. And after ten years of toil in a hidden room, he had it...

He meant it to poison the town's water supply, but once its enticing scent had wafted up, mesmerizing his commodious nostrils, he knew that, instead, it would be his signature scent for the rest of his life...

Now, from the House of von Hoffhoster von Hosterhoff comes Beautiful Smells the Revenge...ha ha ha, the painstaking recreation of Nicholas's scent, created from its original, opulent, secret ingredients...but with vanilla.

History...beauty...hatred of derisive townspeople...allure...luxury...legend...scent...

(Some persons may experience a slight tingling effect on your skin, which is only temporary...we think.)

Your pick?

Update: the poll is now closed and the winner will be announced on Saturday. Thanks to everyone who voted!

Filed Under: perfume talk
Tagged With: contest, prix eau faux

Advertisement


108 Comments

Leave a comment, or read more about commenting at Now Smell This. Here's our privacy policy, and a handy emoticon chart.

  1. k-scott says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:25 pm

    These are HILARIOUS! Great job everyone!!! But my favorite is Divine Discharge by Mary Shelley Sillage Monsters (“Dom Perignon ejaculated over molten iron ore”- sounds like an Etat Libre d’Orage! Lol)

    Log in to Reply
    • Tara says:
      13 April 2010 at 12:35 pm

      I agree I almost spewed my lunch when I read “Dom Perignon ejaculated over molten iron ore”…and then I wanted to smell it!!

      Log in to Reply
      • Tara says:
        13 April 2010 at 12:37 pm

        The “it ” I want to smell is not my spewed lunch, but the DP over molten iron ore…just to clarify..;-)

        Log in to Reply
    • mindxpandr says:
      13 April 2010 at 12:52 pm

      Totally agreed. That one line made me truly laugh out loud. All of the entries are really clever and inspired, especially the names of the perfume houses. I thought Unconventional Air Craft was a great name for a house! I’d love to read the top 5 that didn’t make the final 5.

      Log in to Reply
      • Ayala says:
        13 April 2010 at 2:10 pm

        For me it was the “Ms. Feminista (…) offered to breastfeed other women’s children during a recent promotional visit at New York’s Saks Fifth Avenue”.

        Log in to Reply
        • zeezee says:
          13 April 2010 at 2:17 pm

          Same here!

          Log in to Reply
          • DoryCubana says:
            14 April 2010 at 8:51 am

            and here.

        • ggperfume says:
          13 April 2010 at 2:49 pm

          Def one of the best lines, along with “throw[ing] an unshaven leg”, RG Gold’s “hangtime of a Dennis Rodman”, and Ecce Homo’s “matching deodorant also available”. But then, they’re all loaded with gems. Still can’t decide!

          Log in to Reply
        • Rappleyea says:
          13 April 2010 at 3:44 pm

          Yep! That was the line that had me spewing my afternoon tea!

          Log in to Reply
  2. AmeliaBosque says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:33 pm

    I had to vote for Ecce Homo. I tried so hard to “smell” this one…before figuring out that much like God, to Nietzsche, perfume must also be dead!

    Log in to Reply
    • MollyG says:
      13 April 2010 at 8:45 pm

      I loved that one, too… though it could just about be a Humiecki & Graef scent. 😀

      Log in to Reply
  3. chapter10 says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Brilliant…X

    Log in to Reply
  4. March says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:38 pm

    OH MY GOD. HOW do you expect us to choose? Really, they’re so delightful.

    Do you think the price of the iSmell will decline by $100 in the next two months? Perhaps I should wait to see…

    These made me laugh out loud, in part because I find them totally convincing as perfume copy. I think the Rube Goldberg author might possibly have been drunk or stoned, but I always think that reading these things.

    Log in to Reply
    • Julia says:
      13 April 2010 at 11:40 pm

      You can wait for it to come down, I’m getting my lawn chair out now.

      Log in to Reply
  5. Tara says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:38 pm

    These are great…I am always amazed by people’s originality and creativity!!! Congratulations to the finalists.

    Log in to Reply
  6. Robin says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Again, thanks to everyone who entered…people outdid themselves this year, which means some really fabulous entries didn’t make it into the top 5.

    Log in to Reply
    • Robin R. says:
      13 April 2010 at 7:23 pm

      Bet you say that to ALL the losers. (But that’s okay. It makes me feel better anyway.) 😉

      Log in to Reply
      • Joe says:
        14 April 2010 at 3:21 am

        It makes me feel better too… sort of. 🙁 😀

        Log in to Reply
  7. Suzanne941 says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:49 pm

    These are brilliant…I’ll have to go with Rube Goldberg Gold. A tough choice! Thanks to all!

    Log in to Reply
  8. RusticDove says:
    13 April 2010 at 12:54 pm

    I honestly can’t decide right now – I’ll have to come back later and read these again – hilariously brilliant!!

    Log in to Reply
    • Haunani says:
      14 April 2010 at 2:14 am

      Ditto this! I love the wonderful variety in just these five entries!

      Log in to Reply
      • Haunani says:
        14 April 2010 at 4:00 pm

        Just read through them again, along with the other fabulous stuff that has been shared. My vote goes to the iSmell; Rube Goldberg Gold is a close runner-up. But they’re all SO good!

        Log in to Reply
  9. bjorn says:
    13 April 2010 at 1:03 pm

    I definitely need a heroic Nietzsche scent for those days I want to feel like an übermensch. Just remember that if you gaze too long into the perfume bottle, the perfume gazes back at you. Or something.

    Log in to Reply
    • Erin says:
      13 April 2010 at 1:49 pm

      Ha! You should have entered….

      Log in to Reply
    • Suzanne941 says:
      13 April 2010 at 3:43 pm

      Hoo, boy! Also a sign you have too much perfume!

      Log in to Reply
  10. Manna says:
    13 April 2010 at 1:07 pm

    OK hands down, they are really great. The apple ad is so hilarious and SO apple that I expect them to sue the whole blog for using either their name, or their marketing strategy, or both:P the nano-pheromone (oops that was multi-sniff) got me really laughing.

    I read that and I thought – I must vote for this! Then came the next one and I’m really fan of Frankenstein and the phrase “throws unshaven leg” is really a ten. Also the moss ingredient won me too, and the part about ejaculating champagne immediately got me thinking about L’etat Libre like the first commenter. But the part “Divine Discharge is perfect for today’s boardroom, bedroom, barracks, and bridal circus,” made me wonder if L’Artisan won’t be in the fight with L’Etat Libre on chasing the author for a contract of the copy of their re-boost of Dzing (and Etat’s fragrance to use the copy will be something like La Feministe non-epilee, or La feministe-monstre, or just La monstre (i.e. female gender monster).
    This author is definitely getting a lot of money and some creative position in one of the two companies!

    Ecce Homo by Parfums Irrationalité
    The most realistic copy though is of Ecce homo. The idea is great and the copy very convincing. I liked the ingredients (syphilitic mental cacophony LOL this is a hell of a base). I really really like this one. And I can’t wait to read about the Froid fragrance!!! Maybe some “Oedipus complex” for men?

    Rube Goldberg Gold, Produced by Unconventional Air Craft
    LOL a *single* sentence can say so much sometimes! This one is maybe the perfect winner for the contest’s conception, cause it mocks the empty meaningless ads SO greatly. But then Apple and the Monster, and Nietzsche are also superb…

    Beautiful Smells the Revenge…ha ha ha by The House of von Hoffhoster von Hosterhoff
    He meant it to poison the town’s water supply… believe me I laughed so energetically that my lower lip cracked and now it hurts…
    and the added vanilla – downright bullseye killing!!!

    Sorry for long post but I wanted to say something on every piece. It shows that people have done a lot of work and deserve feedback. I voted… but I wish I had the option to vote 5 times!

    Log in to Reply
    • DoryCubana says:
      14 April 2010 at 8:54 am

      a new scent “Hysteria” by Freud. That would be the day! ha-ha

      Log in to Reply
  11. boojum says:
    13 April 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Tough, tough choice! I had two favorites, and could equally have chosen either….oh, it was hard. Nice job, folks!

    Log in to Reply
  12. Bee says:
    13 April 2010 at 1:31 pm

    good work, finalists, choosing No. 1 was difficult!

    Log in to Reply
  13. elise says:
    13 April 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Thank you for the hearty after-lunch guffaw! Awesome! Loved them all!

    Log in to Reply
  14. maggiecat says:
    13 April 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Although my marriage to a true techno-geek seems to mandate that I vote for the Apple iSmell, I couldn’t resist Ecce Homo! True to is inspiration indeed!

    Log in to Reply
  15. ggperfume says:
    13 April 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I’m still laughing – but how can I choose just one? Can I split my vote three ways, and then vote a “special achievement award” for the remaining two? Can’t decide. . . will have to wait for voting deadline. Congratulations, all of you!

    Log in to Reply
  16. Jill says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:05 pm

    These are all hilarious — everybody did a great job! I’m having a hard time deciding.

    Log in to Reply
  17. Haidee says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Ecce Homo FTW. “Syphilitic mental cacophony of dying lichen?” Love. It. And its matching deodorant. I suggest a waring label: “Side effects may include overt, possibly unnatural fondness for one’s sister, and sprouting a badass mustache.”

    Log in to Reply
    • AnnS says:
      14 April 2010 at 12:36 pm

      Yes, that is very funny. Very clever.

      Log in to Reply
    • Suzy Q says:
      14 April 2010 at 1:40 pm

      Ha! Love it, Haidee.

      Log in to Reply
  18. mjr17 says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:22 pm

    Congratulations to the semi-finalists! These were all extremely well-written and outstandingly funny. Another vote for Ecce Homo here! My favorite line: “It opens with a browbeating bouquet of bitter mountain herbs laced with Sturm-und-Drang, a reminder that only through suffering can one achieve greatness.” I love me some Sturm-und-Drang!

    Log in to Reply
  19. HemlockSillage says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Kudos to all these entries, they are hysterically funny! It is such a pleasure to read just the daily comments at NST. . .but when you exert yourselves to write faux ad copy, you guys are brilliant.

    Thanks for taking time to create these for our joy! You all did so well. My eyebrows disappeared into my hairline with the line, “causing the lambskin parchment to grow lax and unfurl”! The “a syphilitic mental cacophony of dying lichen and Prussian churchyard earth” made me snarfle my diet coke.

    Keep writing, all of you, you made this fun. Thank you.

    Log in to Reply
  20. RusticDove says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:30 pm

    I chose one but that was hard. lol

    Log in to Reply
  21. klytaemnestra says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:37 pm

    These were all so fabulous. Hard to decide, really.

    Log in to Reply
  22. Dzingnut says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:37 pm

    All of these are both brilliant and hysterical, but I for one simply can’t resist a bona-fide, dyed in the wool, genuine 100% run on sentence that just goes on and on and leaves you at the end wondering what the hell it was you just read, and was it William Faulkner or Virginia Woolf, or maybe Henry James who did the same thing and many decades latter their estates are still getting the generous movie and miniseries deals, so therefore the fundamental concept of putting it all into one sentence must have some degree of merit because it worked for them and therefore, to sum up in conclusion, I chose the Rube Goldberg because I collect Gatling guns, they are nestled amongst the azaleas and look so lovely in the spring, and I have always yearned for an English Regency leather desk, although I am still a bit fuzzy on which English Regent this style refers to specifically, but I know that it all ended up with the young Vicky ascending to the throne due to a lack of heirs, but my maid isn’t French or pretty, in fact she is somewhat flat and round and her name is Roomba.

    Log in to Reply
    • klytaemnestra says:
      13 April 2010 at 3:08 pm

      I’m curious. Does your maid periodically eat your telephone cord or get lodged between the end table and wall to await your rescue?

      Log in to Reply
      • Dzingnut says:
        13 April 2010 at 3:30 pm

        Why yes, she does often end up wedged when she is trying to work. It sounds like you may have household assistance that is related? I keep trying to teach my cat to ride Roomba, but alas, his girth is such that such an activity causes her circuits to shut down, and she hits the earth with a thud.

        Log in to Reply
        • klytaemnestra says:
          13 April 2010 at 3:41 pm

          One of our cats actually turns Roomba on so she can ride it.

          Log in to Reply
          • Julia says:
            13 April 2010 at 11:55 pm

            I love that! My cat will ride on skateboards with the kids and likes to open up the printer and sit directly on the glass. We often find scans and copies of his belly and paws. I guess it is warm?

        • Antje says:
          13 April 2010 at 5:29 pm

          The mental picture of the cat trying to ride the roomba was absolutely priceless. I laughed so hard I cried!

          Log in to Reply
    • RusticDove says:
      13 April 2010 at 3:16 pm

      😀 Beautifully done Dzingnut!

      Log in to Reply
      • meadowbliss says:
        13 April 2010 at 3:59 pm

        They all give new meaning to ROFL. Divine Discharge? Knees Wide Open? Oh, my God, I’m trying to type and can’t stop laughing….and breast feeding a stranger’s kid made me lose it as well. They are all brilliant.
        Such a raw display of talent! Really hard to choose.

        Log in to Reply
    • Daisy says:
      14 April 2010 at 12:32 pm

      btw, Dzingnut—that was a helluva sentence 😉

      Log in to Reply
  23. moon_grrl says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:42 pm

    I managed to vote for one, but holy cats, what a hard choice! They are all fabulous.

    Ecce Homo’s dramatic ad copy ending with “A deodorant is also available” made me LOL.

    Log in to Reply
    • Suzy Q says:
      14 April 2010 at 1:41 pm

      Me, too, Moon-Grrl!

      Log in to Reply
  24. Dzingnut says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:49 pm

    Yes, that prosaic ending was priceless! And “… but with vanilla”. My Diet Coke came dangerously close to exiting through my nostrils!

    Log in to Reply
    • Tara says:
      13 April 2010 at 3:25 pm

      The “but with vanilla” was the best!!!..There’s nothing like poisoning the water supply of the hated “derisive townspeople” with a touch of vanilla…HA..—–

      Log in to Reply
  25. Dawnkana says:
    13 April 2010 at 2:54 pm

    These are soooo good! It was so hard to pick just one. 🙂

    Good luck to the final 5.

    ~Dawn

    Log in to Reply
  26. air_ocean says:
    13 April 2010 at 3:15 pm

    These are all worthy, or as the internet crowds like to say, LOL-worthy:) But I had to choose one, so Divine Discharge it is!

    Log in to Reply
  27. rosarita says:
    13 April 2010 at 3:32 pm

    These are fabulous, and I mean really fabulous! And we have to choose only one? First I have to stop snickering…..

    Log in to Reply
  28. Queen_Cupcake says:
    13 April 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Well, these are all very fine no doubt! Although Divine Discharge is, IMHO, the most hilarious of the names, my favorite is Ecce Homo by Parfums Irrationalité. The description really captures the bombast in perfume ad copy today. And the last line made me laugh out loud. Nice job, everyone!

    Log in to Reply
    • annemarie says:
      13 April 2010 at 3:51 pm

      Yes, that’s it exactly – bombast. That is what we read time after time in perfume ad copy.

      Thanks to EVERYONE who entered and supported the competition, so that we could all enjoy this wonderful treat.

      Log in to Reply
  29. mals86 says:
    13 April 2010 at 3:47 pm

    OH MY.

    I have to choose one?

    Log in to Reply
    • mals86 says:
      14 April 2010 at 10:51 am

      I meant, I have to choose ONLY one? At least three of these had me crying with laughter.

      Log in to Reply
  30. annemarie says:
    13 April 2010 at 3:59 pm

    ‘Prussian churchyard earth’ was my favourite line (made even better by the deodorant reference in the next breathe). It’s a mere whisker away from the real nonsense we read in perfume ad copy. The breastfeeding Ms Feminista is also a great gem.

    Log in to Reply
  31. fleurdelys says:
    13 April 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Divine Discharge? Isn’t that a flanker to Sécrétions Magnifiques?

    Seriously, they are all wonderful. However, iSmell is just too perfect, so that one got my vote.

    Congratulations, all you talented folk!

    Log in to Reply
  32. dissed says:
    13 April 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Wait a minute. You want me to choose between a Dom Perignon ejaculation over molten iron ore and a syphilitic mental cacophony?

    Damn.

    Okay, I’ll go with Divine Discharge. But ONLY because of that offer to breastfeed the children of strangers. I mean,

    Log in to Reply
    • dissed says:
      13 April 2010 at 5:17 pm

      I can’t type, that’s what I mean.

      Log in to Reply
  33. Philippe says:
    13 April 2010 at 5:18 pm

    Divine Discharge? Now I’d like such a scent.

    Log in to Reply
  34. redscorpio says:
    13 April 2010 at 5:40 pm

    Ecce Homo was the one for me esp. the line “mountain herbs laced with Sturm-und-Drang, a reminder that only through suffering can one achieve greatness”. I noticed a strong Germanic influence in some of the various entries this year- any reason why?

    Log in to Reply
  35. sweetlife (ahtx) says:
    13 April 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Could you put me in the hat for that matching deodorant please?

    :-))

    Congratulations to all the writers! Would love to see runners up 6-10!

    Log in to Reply
  36. Luccia says:
    13 April 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Brilliant! Very hard choice, there was a flavor for all seasons and styles of insanity, but the Divine Discharge copy hit all the right places for me so I had to give it up…

    Log in to Reply
  37. Winifrieda says:
    13 April 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Well! Wonderful ironic takes on the hyperbolic hysteria accompanying modern perfume launches!
    I particularly loved the Divine Discharge because of its catchy title that seemed to capture the polarising opposites in current and even older perfume nomenclature – a sort of post post dada post post modernism that critics rightly compared to Etat LdO. And may I add, Kim Kardishian.
    As an intellectual feminist pungent post hippie I am also very impressed by the appropriation of the stereotypical motifs of the staunch earthwoman imagery.
    WHO WROTE THESE!!! I can’t wait to find out!

    Log in to Reply
  38. jepster says:
    13 April 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Fantastic everybody!!!! Too, too funny and so difficult to choose….I had to go back and read them all again. What a hoot!! I think I need me some of that Divine Discharge, but Ecce Homo may also be fb worthy. Congrats to all and good luck picking a winner!

    Log in to Reply
  39. carmencanada says:
    13 April 2010 at 7:27 pm

    All my favorite bits have already been quoted above… These are truly hysterical. I’m also thinking By Kilian and Humiecki and Graef might make offers to the authors — in fact, I’m rather hoping By Kilian will launch an Irrationalité collection.

    Log in to Reply
    • DoryCubana says:
      14 April 2010 at 8:59 am

      oh, yes, this very much sounds like him… 🙂 great thinking. and the ad in French would sound even more delightful and pure pleasure to read out loud.

      Log in to Reply
  40. kaos.geo says:
    13 April 2010 at 8:13 pm

    I want Kant’s Pure Reason! 🙂

    All these are good…
    My favourite parts…

    1)”$179 for 30 mL and $279 for 50 mL.” Typical Steve…
    2)”like Dom Perignon ejaculated over molten iron ore.” Wow!
    3)”a syphilitic mental cacophony of dying lichen and Prussian churchyard earth.” I can picture this! 🙂
    4) “where many a pretty French maid has diaphoresed owing to the little death.” Heheheheee
    5)”…but with vanilla.” You cannot beat Vanilla.. I woulda said.. But with Pink Pepper! 🙂

    THANK YOU ALL!!!! 🙂 THis was certainly worth the wait! 😛

    Log in to Reply
  41. Shelley says:
    13 April 2010 at 8:49 pm

    Choose only 1? Painstakingly hard!

    My favorite lines were “syphilitic mental cacophony of dying lichen” and
    “Dom Perignon ejaculated over molten iron ore”. Hats off to the finalists! =)

    I’ll prolly wait for the iSmell 2nd Gen though. Lol. =p

    Log in to Reply
  42. MollyG says:
    13 April 2010 at 8:56 pm

    These are just terrific! Thanks, you all — you just made my day!! 🙂

    Tough choice, but I throw my vote to Ecce Homo. For as ridiculous as it is… it’s oddly believable as real ad copy.

    Log in to Reply
  43. lilydale aka Natalie says:
    13 April 2010 at 11:33 pm

    These are so fabulous that I don’t even mind not making it to the semifinals — ha! They’re all great, but I find Divine Discharge to be truly inspired.

    Log in to Reply
  44. Julia says:
    13 April 2010 at 11:47 pm

    These are so great and I am truly glad I finished my tea before sitting down to vote. I love the aspirational pricing of iSmell and the hatred of derisive townspeople “…but with vanilla.” I’m also dying for a deodorant with the smell of Prussian churchyard earth and aldeyhdes with the hangtime of Dennis Rodman. How to choose?!

    Log in to Reply
  45. Flora says:
    14 April 2010 at 12:25 am

    Wow, it was hard to choose, they are all hilarious! However, I must go with the gloriously over-the-top note descriptions of “Divine Discharge.” 😀

    Log in to Reply
  46. Dixie says:
    14 April 2010 at 1:56 am

    These are so creative! Makes me wish I could write!

    Log in to Reply
    • Haunani says:
      14 April 2010 at 2:19 am

      Same here, Dixie!

      Log in to Reply
  47. Joe says:
    14 April 2010 at 3:24 am

    Oh, congrats to all you lucky finalists!

    This is always a fun contest. Thanks for the chuckles today!

    And tomorrow… back to the GENUINE ridiculous and nonsensical promotional copy!

    Log in to Reply
  48. raluca says:
    14 April 2010 at 4:59 am

    I am quite dissapointed that I lost, he he, but I reckon the merit of the finalists. I will vote for Divine Discharge, but I think the prize should be shared by both this and the funny Beautiful Smells the Revenge…ha ha ha.

    Log in to Reply
  49. Six says:
    14 April 2010 at 6:29 am

    Is it bad that I’d actually purchase one of these? :>

    Log in to Reply
    • ggperfume says:
      15 April 2010 at 12:52 pm

      But which one? I’d like a sample of RG Gold (also one of Heaven Sings to the Dandelion from the first Prix Eau Faux).

      Log in to Reply
  50. sacre bleu says:
    14 April 2010 at 9:28 am

    ANy chance we might read some of the ones that didn’t make the ‘final cut’?

    Log in to Reply
    • Robin says:
      14 April 2010 at 9:35 am

      Really sorry but do not have time to format them all to post…

      People are more than welcome to post their own entries here in the comments though.

      Log in to Reply
  51. Robin R. says:
    14 April 2010 at 10:15 am

    Okay, I will be shameless, then, and post my entry. It’s for a new fragrance for female dogs! Here goes:

    Grrrrrrrowl! Introducing The House of Beyotchka, for the most hot-to-trot BITCHES (www.all-acronyms.com/BITCH) on four canine legs.

    Our debut fragrance: Miss Beyotchka. Spritz it on . . . and really get into mischief! A lasciviously lovely litter of mouthwatering, tail-wagging top notes — rich Essence of Dog Biscuit, zesty Alpo Absolute and juicy Rawhide Chew-bone Accord — leads into frisky ‘n’ fertile heart notes of fur-ociously forbidden she-pooch pleasures. Filthy puddle, rotten chicken carcass out of the neighbor’s trash can, overripe tennis shoe and a daringly irresistible human crotch note exclusive to The House of Beyotchka: yes, it’s all there in this fetching (!) feast for your well-bred snout – and his. Every prurient Pavlov’s dog within sniffing distance will salivate over doggy-licious base (and we do mean base) notes of painstakingly aged organically-sourced doggy-doo which linger long into the fabulous, frankly fecal finish. One snootful and he’s sure to say “Bow-wow WOW!” It’s bold, it’s bitchin’, it’s Miss Beyotchka – available now in parfum, eau de toilet, doggy shampoo and flea powder.

    Maybe i could get a booby prize — say, a small bag of Milkbone?
    😉

    Log in to Reply
    • kaos.geo says:
      14 April 2010 at 10:32 am

      ” rotten chicken carcass out of the neighbor’s trash can”

      Once my mother took out a full raw chicken out of the freezer.
      For her standards it had been there too long, so she put it in an empty trash bin by the fridge.
      I had two dogs… I was studying in the kitchen table for a final, when by the corner of my eyes and through the semi opened patio doors I see a raw chicken WALKING TOWARDS THE FRONT DOOR!!!!!! 🙂 I swear I thought
      “I need to stop studying and go out NOW! I am seeing zombie chicken!” LOL!
      The wind opened the door a bit more, and I could see the dogs taking the chicken… one grabbing a wing and the other a leg.. giving the impression that the thing was walking… Priceless

      Log in to Reply
    • aimiliona says:
      14 April 2010 at 1:32 pm

      Why are you marketing this as a feminine? Both my dogs (one F, one M) would happily wear this.

      Log in to Reply
  52. Robin R. says:
    14 April 2010 at 10:18 am

    Oops! Sorry, the format should have started with the fragrance. Can’t do BOLD typeface to make it look really pro, but my fragrance is

    MISS BEEYOTCHKA by from the HOUSE OF BEEYOTCHKA

    Log in to Reply
  53. kaos.geo says:
    14 April 2010 at 10:23 am

    Ok, I’ll join the shameless wagon…
    Here’s my submission..
    ——————————————————————————————-
    St*rstruck! is the new fragrance house you should be looking out for. Our goal is to provide the true raw scent of celebrities, without any kind of moral or aesthetic filters.

    Our first release is the fabulous fragrance Teen St*r. Using avant garde Headspace Technology to isolate the essence of the headline grabbing icons of the new century*. The top notes are: desperation, warm Jack Daniels and one day old menthol cigarette butts. The middle notes are: disorientation, dusty nightclub floor and Red Bull. The bottom notes are: ambition, stale coat room (with moth balls) finishing off this masterpiece of modern perfumery with the elusive scent of vintage sun-cured and cracked New York taxi leather seat.

    * Using this technology bypasses all IFRA restrictions on allergens. St*rstruck! is a socially responsible company: usually 5% of each fragrance sold is reserved in a trust fund dedicated to paying rehabilitation treatment of our muses. All our fragrances and St*rs are proudly MADE IN AMERICA !.

    Log in to Reply
  54. Robin says:
    14 April 2010 at 10:30 am

    You guys are not shameless at all — I’m sorry I did not suggest this to begin with. Next time!

    Log in to Reply
  55. Joe says:
    14 April 2010 at 11:32 am

    Here was my entry:

    ————————————
     
    PALINDROME…
    “Trade ye no mere moneyed art.”: A new brand concept that embroiders the demise of commerce in order to exploit and simulate a full appreciation of the olfactive sensorium.
     
     
    “A man, a plan, a ca…” A capricious yet solipsistic eponymous fragrance: PALINDROME.
     
    “Revolt, lover!”:  Mesmeric accords evoke the primordial tussle between charred sensuality and Guevarista dissent.
     
    “Sir, I demand, I am a maid named Iris.”:  The heart around which our denuded abstraction is synthesized, lending coolness, borrowing the aloof, yet at once rendering the anti-cerebral.
     
    PALINDROME is an importuned entreaty, an apotheosis of The To and The Fro, where scent ends at its beginning, begins at its end, and fondles the wearer who dares to believe:  “In a regal age ran I.”

    Log in to Reply
  56. sacre bleu says:
    14 April 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Laughing so hard my sides hurt . . . Thanks, you shameless ones. . . .no shame in these, they’re hilarious !

    Log in to Reply
  57. Jill says:
    14 April 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Robin R., Kaos, Joe — thanks for posting your entries! I agree with sacre bleu — thanks for being shameless, they are all hilarious!

    Log in to Reply
  58. aimiliona says:
    14 April 2010 at 1:37 pm

    OK, here’s mine:

    ALHAZRED by LOVECRAFT

    In the wake of Napoleon’s campaign in Egypt and the decoding of the mystic stela of Rosetta, a descendant of the Salem witches sought enlightenment in the city of Alexander, son of Zeus-Ammon, Hypatia, and Apollonius of Rhodes. He returned to New England with a Greek translation of the Kitab Al-Azif, a istillation of the forbidden knowledge that survived among the ashes of the Great Library, and initiated the cult of the Great Old Ones in Arkham, Innsmouth, and Providence. Lovecraft Alhazred evokes arcane rituals with notes of Saturnian cypress oil and fiery wormwood and a base of Egyptian olibanum. Helichrysum with its touches of curry and maple transplants the East to snowy forests and oakmoss hints at the damp cellars that shelter hidden rites. Refrigerate the shower gel to feel the touch of the Old Ones and live!

    Log in to Reply
    • kaos.geo says:
      14 April 2010 at 4:57 pm

      AIMILIONA: I saw Agora (the movie about Hypatia) the other day, It is good (not great, but nice hystorical recreation) I recommend it.

      Perhaps you should have made a tie-in with the movie! 🙂

      But boy it sounds creeepyyyy!

      Log in to Reply
      • aimiliona says:
        14 April 2010 at 5:52 pm

        I didn’t know there was a movie, but there’s a good melodramatic Victorian novel by Charles Kingsley. I’ll have to look for the movie.

        “Istillation” sould be “distillation”, and I think I actually entered it that way. The initial d got cut off when I was adjusting line breaks in the comment box.

        Log in to Reply
    • Winifrieda says:
      14 April 2010 at 5:47 pm

      Oh boy that sounds great; where do I get a sample???

      Log in to Reply
  59. Suzy Q says:
    14 April 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Oh, Robin, this post made my day. What clever and imaginative contributions. i am still laughing to myself. Thanks.

    Log in to Reply
    • Robin R. says:
      14 April 2010 at 3:01 pm

      So true, R, and the entries on short list really earned their places on it. Thanks for hosting another hilarious year. 🙂

      Log in to Reply
    • Robin says:
      14 April 2010 at 5:08 pm

      Really glad people are enjoying it — it is *hard* to pick the best!

      Log in to Reply
  60. AnnS says:
    14 April 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Wow – I had to read them a few times to figure out which one I liked best – each had really good qualities. I like the iSmell as the most readable copy. But my vote went to Ecce Homo b/c my husband and I have an eternal debate over Nietche and I think it is very funny. My husband loves him and reads his books all the time. I think NEE-CHEE was only put on earth to help sensitive guys get laid in college, so bully to this new fragrance! Good luck!

    (Hey – but I love Kant – so where’s the copy on that one? “ProForma Perfuma” ?)

    Log in to Reply
  61. flittersniffer says:
    15 April 2010 at 6:38 am

    So hard to call! All were great, and two made me laugh out loud, but Ecce Homo just pipped the Mary Shelley one because of the wonderful bathos at the end and the fact that it is so near the knuckle. There are brands out there already whose positioning isn’t a million miles off this existentialist silliness.

    Log in to Reply
    • Bee says:
      15 April 2010 at 6:58 am

      yes, that’s what made me vote Ecce Homo too, it’s the best “persiflage” of actual ad copies 🙂
      (the other contributions are really funny, but too obviously over the top)

      Log in to Reply
  62. flittersniffer says:
    15 April 2010 at 12:58 pm

    “persiflage” – how fabulous!

    Log in to Reply
  63. Bela says:
    15 April 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Like them all, but my favourite is Ecce Homo.

    Log in to Reply
  64. www.mybeautyblog.de says:
    23 April 2010 at 6:46 am

    *lol* Also avaialble as Deodorant. Great!

    Log in to Reply

Leave a reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Advertisement

Search

Recent reviews

Atelier Cologne Love Osmanthus
Moschino Toy Boy
Arquiste Misfit
Diptyque Eau Capitale
Zoologist Bee
Parfum d’Empire Immortelle Corse
Comme des Garcons Series 10 Clash
Frédéric Malle Rose & Cuir
L’Artisan Parfumeur Le Chant de Camargue
Yves Saint Laurent Grain de Poudre
Régime des Fleurs Chloë Sevigny Little Flower
Chanel 1957
Gallivant Los Angeles
Amouage Portrayal Woman

Blogroll

Bois de Jasmin
Grain de Musc
Perfume Posse
The Non-Blonde
More blogs...

Perfumista lists

100 fragrances every perfumista should try
And 25 more fragrances every perfumista should smell
50 masculine fragrances every perfumista should try
26 vintage fragrances every perfumista should try
25 rose fragrances every perfumista should try
11 Cheap Perfumes Beauty Outsiders Love

Favorite posts

The Great Perfume Reduction Plan
Why I Love Old School Chypres
New to perfume and want to learn more?
How to make fragrance last through the day
Fragrance concentrations: sorting it all out
On reformulations, or why your favorite perfume doesn’t smell like it used to
How to get fragrance samples
Perfume for Life: How Long Will Your Fragrance Collection Last?

Upcoming

List of upcoming Friday projects

3 July ~ damage poll
12 July ~ summer reading poll

Back to Top

Home
Archives
About Now Smell This :: Privacy Policy
Perfume Reviews
New Perfumes
General Perfume Articles
The Monday Mail

Glossary of Perfume Terms
Perfume FAQ
Perfume Books

Noses ~ Perfumers A-E :: F-K :: L-S :: T-Z

Perfume Houses A-B :: C :: D-E :: F-G
H-J :: K-L :: M :: N-O :: P :: Q-R :: S
T :: U-Z

Copyright © 2005-2025 Now Smell This. All rights reserved.