Update: we'll be taking entries through Tuesday, November 27.
One of the joys of posting about new fragrances is the chance to quote all the gloriously over-the-top ad copy. My own personal favorite from the past year is still By Kilian's "Beneath the pseudoinnocence displayed by Bergamot from Calabria...". Can you do better? Several commenters over the past year have suggested that we run a contest to find out. So, in the spirit of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, we will. We're still working out the details, but essentially entrants will be be asked to write a couple of paragraphs introducing their new perfume house and its debut fragrance.
But first, we need a name. So, the pre-contest contest: suggest the winning name for our creative fragrance writing contest, and win a 99.9% full bottle of the celebrity fragrance with the most ironic tag line of 2007*. You can post your suggestion below, or send it to nowsmellthis at comcast dot net.
*Sorry, but I am not going to pay to ship this thing out of the United States, so if the winner is not a US resident, s/he will just win our undying admiration.
Note: image (which has nothing to do with anything, I just like it) via Images de Parfums.
WhiFi?
The Lost in Head Space Award?
The Bullitzer Prize?
Niche perfumers Atlelier Profundum et Non Coronet presents “stillborn” “Harrumph!” and “Clash by Night” as their debut fragrances
well, I read that wrong…
The Smellies?
The Perfidious Award? Not exactly the meaning you're looking for, but it starts with “per-“. I am sure Pyramus will be along sooner or later to bust on me about this.
I want a bottle of “Clash by Night”!
How fun!
My suggestions:
* The Accord Award
(different elements coming together to make something completely new…)
* The Factice
(fake bottle for fake perfume…)
* The Nosey's
(that one is just silly!)
I love the Bullitzer!! Great recs.
LOL — yes, you did, but seriously, Stillborn by Atlelier Profundum et Non Coronet is genius!
Perfume is from per fumum, right, “through smoke” or some such? Hmmm. My brain is dead today, honestly, I can't think of any clever play on per fumum other than what you did!
Like the idea of Factice, thanks!
The BullSniff Award. If typing that gets repetitive, you can shorten it to BS…
Bullony?
Parfum de Taureau (scent of bull)
Toro Premio (bull award)
Three variants:
The Purple Prose of Perfume Profligate Promo Copy Contest
The Purple Prose of Perfume Pretentious Promo Copy Contest
The Purple Prose of Perfume Phony Promo Copy Contest
I wouldn't be so presumptuous to think I have a Demeter Snow chance in hell, but in any case, I'd like to state in advance that I don't want any of Britney's Believe stinking up my mailbox!
Or you can go the eponymous route and call it the Kilian Award.
LOL — I like it!
Bullony is a good one! The Bulwer-Lytton contest had it good, as Bulwer-Lytton is long dead. I don't want any trouble from Mr. Kilian Hennessy, LOL…
Aha — now I'm thinking we really need a contest name in French!
Great ideas, seriously! I wonder what “The Purple Prose of Perfume Pretentious Promo Copy Contest” comes out to in French? To make it all the more Pretentious?
And hey, if you win, Britney will find you, LOL…
You asked: “La prose pourpre du concours Prétentieux de copy de promo de parfum”
I'm settling on “La prose de Taureau”
Thanks!
Un Premier Palme de b'Ore
(refer to the utterly pretentious Cannes Festival du Cinema)
You could also call it the Merde d'Or — google merde for translation.
there's even a statue available
http://www.shinyshiny.tv/gold%20crap.jpg
“Yada Yiky”
… spritzes all your c-sense into non existence.
OH, and the prize for most ironic celebrity scent must be Britney's *In Control*
uh huh.
Since I live in her favorite stomping/drinking/shopping/hair-shaving
grounds, the Valley, it's only a matter of time before my foot gets run over . God I hope she doesn't T-bone me with her Mercedes.
Pseudo Fumo Promo Lotto
(Pig Latin translation: Mock Fragrance Marketing Game)
No contest ideas yet, but I predict you get some media play on the contest. You heard it here first…
Bust on you? Never! I'm much too nice to do such a thing. And I checked at http://www.morewords.com using the search string “perf*” and there really aren't any words in English beginning with those four letters that fit the bill.
Anyway, I have the winning entry, I think:
The L'Eau de Crap Award.
Say it out loud a few times if you need to.
If I do win, I'll pay the postage, seeing as how I live in Canada but still like winning things a little more tangible than undying admiration.
Nice suggestions, thanks! And even I know what merde means w/o the assistance of Google
Britney Spears In Control Curious might be the most ironic scent name ever, but it wasn't a 2007 scent so it is not the one I am sending to the winner. In case you were angling after a bottle!
That went right over my head.
LOL — excellent!!
Surely the news media has bigger fish to fry?
Many readers have come up with ingenious titles for sure but I'd like to cast my vote for Factice. It's simple, relevant and says it all. Fake awards for the perfume industry. Perfect!!
Suggestions for Contest Name:
—OMG! Best Fruity Floral (BFF) Name It
–PB I Hate Contests (PB is Perfume Blog, of course, no relation to CB)
–One Girl's Poison is Another's Poisson (for the Francophiles)
–Eschew Obfuscation (for writers)
–Lacking Utterly in Terms Elegant for Niches Sniffers (L.U.T.E.N.S.)
Quinn
QuinnCreative.com
Uh, no, I don't feel a strong need to own a Britney scent, but thanks. LOL
“–PB I Hate Contests (PB is Perfume Blog, of course, no relation to CB)”
LOL I love this one!
I'm trying to think of an ironic title but coming up dry. there's no Paris Hilton: Purity , or Celine Dion: Humility, or Mariah : Good Taste.
I must keep thinking…
I love the Bullitzer and don't think I can come up with anything half as funny. That's my vote.
I was trying to do some kind of pun on the Clios (the biggest print, broadcast and radio ad awards each year) but I can't get it to work. Clio was the muse of history and the famous. No muse for scents, so for this award I couldn't decide between the Thalias (after muse of comedy) or the Melpomenes (after muse of tragedy) – or for that matter the Uranias (muse of astronomy and astrology, which has nothing to do with anything, but it sounds funny, at least…)
I have a feeling undying admiration is worth more than the scent in question, LOL, but I will leave it to you!
Hint: it was the most ironic tag line of the year, not the most ironic title.
Every industry needs a fake award
OMG! Best Fruity Floral (BFF) Name It — priceless!
That must be our next contest, don't you think: to come up w/ a muse for perfumery…
some of them already have one! I'm thinking of Hollywood…
and this is a wonderful idea, btw. Lots of laughs from it and more to come no doubt.
I know, it's just easier to riff on titles
My personal favorite. I have a marketing background and I wonder about this name–it's pretty risky and bold.
It works really well when you say it while chewing bubble gum.
–Q
Risky, bold, and exceptionally clever. Nice take on both awards and CB's anti-traditional perfumery stance, and dryly humorous to boot. Bravo!
I want to add a tag to your Escew Obfuscation: “Why use two syllables when twelve will do?”
Perfect! I once had a T-shirt made with those two words on it. People stopped me and asked what it meant in English. I'm still laughing.
–Q
LOL totally hilarious and totally believable.
But this is already for the next stage of the contest.
This contest is fun to try but not as easy as it looks.
I thought of: “The Pretentious Spritz” Award and
“The Golden Spritzer” Award
I also like the Bullitzer Award, think I will vote for it.
Pretentious Spritz is wonderful. Even if you remove the perfume imagery, you can just see words flying out of a computer screen, filling the air with. little scraps pretension. Lovely!
Schmelling-Fruchtig Award
Homage de Fromage
I love the Fatice suggestion!
Bullspritz Awards?
Actually, I guess it would be the Hommage au Fromage. Pardon my French:)
Thanx !! ;)) I'm a European and my English is failing me when it comes to this sort of challenges. But I'll go for it nomatter what.
I like your visions with “those little scraps of pretension”..
either way it's very funny
Ah, now I get it
LOL! good one
Nice suggestions!
The Eau de Faux Awards?
Hello Quinn,
Just bookmarked your website. Very inspiring and uplifting the spirit. Envy you for living in Vancouver. Canada is my favorite country on this planet. Have been living in Toronto ON for some years but sofar did not make it to Vancouver. When I have the time and the opportunity visiting Vancouver is very high on my list!
Why does the name has to have such a negative sound?
“Prix Des Eaux des Sourires” or Prix Des Eaux du Bonheur” could be a choice. It maybe a faux award, but still…
I do think Bullspritz deserves at least the short list, Robin!! No prize in store for this Canadian, but it's the fame that counts!!
Good one, thanks Rosewater!
I haven't decided how we will pick the winner yet, but I may make Kevin do it, LOL…or we'll vote, I don't know. But I'm sure you'll make the short list
I have an idea: the prize to any lucky Vancouverite is toast and tea and company downtown with Kevin himself, whenever he's next up from Seattle!!!
This is hilarious!!!
I love Vancouver, too. Best vacation I ever had with my family–we stayed at the Westin when my son was young–he loved seeing the birds and sea planes at close range.
How about “Mysterieux odeur de rien” Award
or Parfum de you can't afford it!!
Marianne–
Must be some other Quinn on the site. I'll claim an uplifting website (I'm a creativity coach, after all), but I'm very far from Vancouver. I live in the Sonoran desert, in Tempe, Arizona. I'm a very recent (10 days) transplant from Washington, D.C. But I do love Vancouver, and I hope we can meet when we both visit!
–Q
Mysterieux odeur de rien is great, thanks!
Yep, I have been confusing things. Watching whales walking along the beach is not something one can do in Arizona. It was your website though that pulled me out of some not so good mood state of mind, but it was early in the morning and the day here was so dark and grey. So when I walked outside, Prague and life in general, suddenly looked a lot more attractive.
Will let you know when I'll fly to Vancouver..!!
I really like bullitzer, and I support it.
Also as it is a red carpet event, I suggest wearing a ribbon (transparent, symbolizing the efimerous nature of scent) and all profits and donations should go to the Anosmia Foundation.
(Check out “Based On an Untrue Story” a TV movie with Morgan Fairchild, where she suffered the terrible disease!)
Of course the anosmia foundation still does not exist, at least to my knowledge… but let's skip a lawsuit.. just call it bullitzer!
Factice Awards does sound chic to me. When I was a child a friend of mine's mother had a HUGE chloe bottle on her bathroom as decor… when I got near it, with the full intention of bathing on the stuff I saw the words “FACTICE” in transparent tape on the bottom… OH! the dissapointment.
Cracking up at the transparent ribbon, to say nothing of Morgan Fairchild playing the poster child
Oh my God Robin!
I feel like an unsensitive clod…
The Anosmia Foundation actually DOES exist.
http://www.anosmiafoundation.org
Well I hope they have a good sense of humor
Gosh, it almost had to exist, didn't it — I should have thought to look!
I'll also admit that on Thanksgiving I posted various links on my blog for people who were alone on that day (as I was.) Several links were animal cams–British Columbia beluga whales and the Monterey Bay fish life. So it's hard to tell where I'm writing from.
Definitely have Kevin choose the winner and I second the motion of tea with him in Vancouver if a Vancouverite wins! We're dying to meet him.
The Faux-Faux Awards?
With categories such as best fake bottle design, strongest and weakest sillage, and an award for over-application of scent (I have already designed the award for that category: it looks like a shower head)…
(BTW I am a huge fan and first-time poster today, pleased to meet you all)
one partcular ex-boyfriend of mine will winfor overapplcation of Tommy Hilfige cologne. ugh. Lve the showerhead idea!
Yes, more categories are much needed. Lots of nonsense out there to “award”.
More categories hmmm…..Bottles that are impossible to stand up and need 3 hands to spray…..Dirtiest names…Nostalgia scents, Vicks, windex, exhaust, bug spray, smoke, plastic…..pez.
How about a giant scrub brush as the award?? That could be a whole category in itself “The Scrubbers”.
Here's mine:
pROSE and SCENTences
CindyN
Hi Allie, and welcome! Nice entry, I like Faux-Faux. Cracking up at the idea of the shower head
Nice!
New girl on the blog here, hello.
I love it here; not only is this blog well written, but nicely designed and easy on the eye as well, which is no small thing at this age of visual cacophony.
My vote goes to Pyramus' “L'Eau de Crap”, but can't keep *my own* couple of cents to myself:
The No-Belle Prize,
or
The Eau-No-No Award (pronounced, of course, with a heavy french accent).
cheers,
Noa
Welcome Noa, and thanks for the nice words!
I love No-Belle prize
How about the Puffumery Awards? The presenter would say “and the Puffy goes too”. Sean Diddy, formerly Puffy Combs could be the host or spokesmodel.
If you do a category for best perfume name, I want to put in Nom de Fume for that.
Lots of good suggestions! I like the Purple Prose ones.
LOL — do you think you can line up Sean John for us?
Seriously, love Puffumery, great choice.
The Aeon.
She was one of the nymphs of Venus and revealed the secret of perfumery to man. (compliments of The Astrological Lodge of London website).
Thanks, had never heard that!